Dealing with Festive FOMO & Cravings?

Life in Recovery
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Hi guys, I hope you are all keeping safe and well :ok_hand:

I just hit 4 months Sober today and I’m feeling incredibly thankful.

However I’ve started to notice a significant shift in the early sobriety positivity I’ve experienced the last few months.

I’ve read that this happens at a certain stage, so I’ve been prepped for it - but the one thing I didnt expect were the intensity of the cravings/Fear of Missing Out feelings. There have been a few nights where I’ve been feeling very emotional at the thought of not being able to ‘chill at christmas time with a whisky’ etc. It’s almost as if I’m mourning my old habits :eyes: The worst was last week when I suddenly remembered what my old favourite beer tasted/smelled like etc, It came out of nowhere!

Dont get me wrong, I have no intention of breaking sobriety, but I’d love to get advice off those who are tackling/have experience tackling the fomo of the Festive period where Drinking is normalised/glorified :blush:

Many thanks,
Chris J

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Well if your anything like me, there will be no “chilling” after some whisky at christmas. Try and remember the reasons you stopped drinking. What happens after that first glass? A few moments of chill time turns into days/weeks of guilt and regrets.

I still get that feeling of missing out once in a while. Its never going to completely go away. In my opinion. Its been 5 years and i still find myself baffled at the people who can drink half a beer and then just stop.

We simply cannot drink like the rest of the normies. We have an allergy.

Just my thoughts. I hope you have a good holiday!

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The fantasy of what drinking is …a way to chill out, relieve anxiety or be sociable …versus the reality of what drinking is…one leads to 5, leads to hangovers, regrets, more drinking, fights, bad decisions, fill in the blank. I fought that for a long while.

There is always a holiday or occasion that we have been socialized to believe alcohol is necessary for…weddings, holidays, good day at work (celebrate!), bad day at work (drown your sorrows!), BBQ, Christmas, SuperBowl, weekend out, day off, spring!, summer!, day at the beach!, and my personal favorite…the day ends in a ‘y’.

Until we are able to reframe in our mind that alcohol is not a ‘treat’, we may suffer from FOMO. I don’t know about you, but my drinking was no longer a value add to my life. Sure occasionally I could still drink and not end up with a hangover, blackout, bad decision, blah blah blah…but pretty much at the end of my drinking career it had sucked my soul into a very bad place, my marriage was a mess and so was I. I needed to reframe what my life looked like and what was serving me well and adding to my happiness and what was not. Alcohol and drugs sure as shit were not adding anything to my life.

I am not missing hangovers, anxiety, lost days, busted cars, messed up relationships, etc etc etc.

Christmas and holidays without alcohol are new and different. We can normalize getting rest, feeling healthy, making healthy choices, taking wintry walks with stupid sweaters on, hot cocoa with peppermint and good cheer that doesn’t suck our souls. :christmas_tree: :people_hugging::heart::partying_face:

Remember why you stopped. You are doing great!!

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Congrats on the 4 months, that’s amazing! :medal_sports:
Yes, the romanticizing of drinking when the sober high wears off… I had numerous setbacks because of that, I think we all know the feeling too well.
With the holidays coming up, I try to think about the food instead of the booze. Also play the tape forward: I can’t wait to get up early, refreshed and thankful for not drinking. And I’m def bringing my own drinks to parties.
It might get difficult, but I’ll focus on the positives of not drinking in stead of on what I’m missing out on…
Maybe check in more often these days (here, AA, or whatever you prefer) to keep yourself focussed? Have a holly jolly holiday :slight_smile:

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I get this thought all the time… would all those times i enjoyed myself when drinking have been any less enjoyable if id been sober? Or was it just that i drank regardless because it was just something you did…? and so il never know if il enjoy things sober until i try it because i never gave myself that chance…was it and is it really that important?

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4 months is great, keep at it.
I was recently at a holiday party with my friends and one opened a Shiner Cheer (limited edition, can ONLY get at the holidays spicy Christmas beer) and I got the FOMO for a momo. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Truth is this is advertising working on me. That special Christmas beer or whiskey is at its heart alcohol which is no longer a special treat for me. My treat days with alcohol are in my past. That special beer or whiskey is an addictive craving. So while I watched my friends responsibly enjoy that one “special” Christmas beer I replayed what happened last time I indulged in just one. I drank the fridge, all of it.

One isn’t a treat for me, its a trap. Try to remember your last hangover when you get that craving for one and then play that drink all the way to the end. It isn’t ever just one we want, we want them all.

Holiday cheer season is tough for me too, sending hugs and a candy cane or two your way. Keep rocking it.

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This to me has got the be the most important aspect of being a non drinker. I wasted so much time getting wasted, and most of that time was after the fact, recovering from worse and worse hangovers. Days long hangovers. Nope. I much prefer to see the sunrise and taste my cup of tea and feel the morning air on my skin.

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Wow what a great thread to read this morning! I too have been feeling FOMO for sure and it’s hard around the holidays especially since I’m only starting off during the holidays! (Day 9) But all of you guys have great advice! Enjoyed reading this! Made me not feel so alone.

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First of all, I’m glad you came here to express how you’re feeling and what is on your mind. You are definitely not alone! This time of year is tough for lots of us. Holiday cheer = booze for so many people. For me it has required alternative options and new traditions. Things like spiced apple cider and different combinations of cranberry juice and other festive additives work for me. I’m a huge fan of tart flavors so the cranberry gives me that pinch in my cheeks and I love it.

The other thing I wanted to mention was that breaking up with alcohol is just that, a break up, and there can be a grieving process. It might sound overinflated but not so. I’ve grieved the loss of my pal booze that was always there for me when I “needed” it but understand now that it was an abusive relationship. I was poisoning myself and avoiding so much of life, including what the holidays can actually be like sober and clear minded. It’s wonderful you say you feel gratitude - definitely lean into what specifically you feel grateful for and focus on those things when you’re dipping into FOMO. It will help! Hang in there and congrats on your 4 months.

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Fomo feelings are normal, but it’s so important you don’t answer it’s call. We will never be normal drinkers. You’ll still be around family and friends over Christmas, that’s what the holiday is really about, not getting wasted.

Unfortunately, I answered the call and I’m going through hell trying to break the cycle again.

Stay clean and sober, you’re doing great.

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Welcome @_Effy. Glad you’ve joined us. Keep fighting!

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Thank you Rosa, I am struggling, but I will. I appreciate your reply

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I am on day 2 ! Happy to know someone decided to start at such a random time as well

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Hey man, congrats on 4 months of sobriety! That’s rad!

I feel that this is the case, when viewing it through the lens of drinker, and with good reason, afterall, when it’s all you know, it’s all you know.

I remember my first holiday season, I was about 2 months sober. I was at my sister’s place, like every year, my Dad offered me a beer. I declined. He said, “really? You sure?”, I said yes, really. I hadn’t told him I quit yet, so it was very out of character. I felt uneasy that night. A mix of FOMO, cravings, doubt, anxiety, anger, sadness… It was uncomfortable, but through that discomfort came growth.

Fast forward to the following year, viewing the season through the lens of a non-drinker, so much more was available for me to see. Family, connection, love and building memories.

So I guess, my advice is to accept the discomfort knowing that you will grow and in the future, these feelings will no longer exist. It’s the fortunate side effects of recovery.

I say fortunate, because if we can learn to embrace discomfort now, we can learn to endure so much more without using alcohol to cope; growth.

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Thanks for the response Steve. You hit the nail on the head when you compared it to an allergy :ok_hand: and definitely not a chill time - I used it more as a numbing agent so it was too easy to keep pouring stronger measures. Thanks for leading me to that reminder. I hope you have a great Christmas & NY!

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The thing you mentioned about reframing is great, Sassy! Its so true. I think its maybe the feae of rhe unknown, and hopefully it’ll be a pleasant surprise having a clear head for Christmas/the bells :blush: Thanks again for your advice!

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Thanks for sharing this Naomi. I’m 100% with you on focusing on the food! I’ve for some reason became obsessed with biscuits when my cravings wear off - maybe replacing the alcohol buzz with a sugar buzz.

I’m definitely going to check on here more though, as I only seem to pop on for milestones, but its definitely a breath of fresh air anytime I’m on to remember that it’s not a lone journey :blush:

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This is definitetly something I’ll remember Starlight - as I’ve not been sober at Christmas in about 10 years, so I really havent yet experienced it with a clear head and I have a feeling I’ll love it :ok_hand:

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This!!
As long as drinking is something you have framed in your mind as something you’re missing out on, the harder it is. It’s not a treat, a stress relief, a way to celebrate. We can do all of those things without alcohol. I always struggle the most in sobriety when I go to that place of ‘I’m missing out’. And it’s not reality. Sobriety gives us so, so much! All the things alcohol takes away.

There’s a solid reason why we don’t want to drink, a shopping list of all the bad things alcohol brings us. Just remember them when your brain tries to trick you into thinking you miss booze.

Pick a nice drink or two that you can make to enjoy over the holidays. My husband and I enjoy sugar free ginger beers, mocktail mojitos. It’s nice to be able to enjoy a moment together, over a fancy glass of bubbles without all of the bs that alcohol brings.

Being able to enjoy Christmas free from addiction, and clearheaded is a gift :gift:

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Great to find this thread. I was just looking at my calendar for the next couple of weeks and working out what I can do sober and what I’m going to have to cancel.

One thing I have found works for me - seriously consider whether you would enjoy having one drink. Really THINK about it - that one - are you going to stop at one nice and easy or are you going to get that visceral yearning for more? Do you REALLY want that one beer, one whisky or do you want 5, 7, how ever many you can take that night?

I know my answer when I consider just one. I don’t want just one, I want 5, and that’s just to get started. And because of that, I won’t take that first one. Zero is the easiest number for me to stick to.

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