This summer was the worst of my life. After a series of already challenging events, the summer ended with the traumatic event of losing my father unexpectedly. I am still dealing with the grief daily. My dad was one of my best friends and my biggest cheerleader. Losing him with no warning has caused the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. We spread his ashes on his birthday a few weeks ago, which was the 2 year mark of my personal sobriety from alcohol. I realize the risk of falling into a rabbit hole of addiction during times like this, and for that reason I hold on strong to my convictions of sobriety. I have not gone a single day over the last 2 months without breaking down into tears more than once. However, I would rather feel the emotions than hide behind a bottle and feel hungover the next day. Through this, I still choose sobriety.
Hey there…I am so sorry you are dealing with the loss of your father.
My mother passed away unexpectedly about a year and a half into my sobriety. It was like…this point in my life where, there was this definitive split. There was the me that existed before my mother died and then BOOM. The me that existed after. And honestly? I really never thought that I would see the old me again.
That was in May of 29. And, to a certain extent, it is true. Her death changed me. And while at the beginning that change looked like months of day in day out breakdowns, a feeling of separation as I mechanically moved through each day, an inability to find joy in life.
Now…because I stayed sober through the grieving process…it looks like: prioritizing the friend/family relationships that I let go in years past. Being willing to always ask “is this really worth it??” When feeling a resentment (and usually making the choice to get over it). Acknowledging my unhealthy habits and dealing with their root causes. An almost superhero like bravery ( with: “well, this might be hard but…it’s not gonna suck as bad as mom dying” often being said in my head). A much easier time seeing the big picture in a situation, and….after A LOT of gray days……genuine, real, happy, JOY.
Loss like this is fi€k!ing awful. It breaks us down and holds us out over the ledge. But…we CAN survive it, we CAN learn from it and we CAN come out stronger on the other side…as long as we can stay sober.
Sending you all of my love today. I’ll be thinking of you…wherever you are…in these coming days, and sending you my unconditional support. 
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. A loss is always hard to deal with but i feel the unexpected losses hit harder at times as you have no time to prepare. I am grateful that you are allowing yourself to grieve and feel all your feelings (as uncomfortable as they may seem).
A huge congrats on your sober time and for being able to protect your sobriety during these tough times. We are here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen 
Thank you so much… for ALL of this. I needed to hear it all. That bravery part… that is real. And so true. And something I need right now. Because I have had those same thoughts recently, but more so over people’s bullshit drama. Like, “You think THAT is bad and that your world is over because of THAT?? Try losing your DAD!” So that part in me has changed. My patience for drama and bullshit has diminished to next to none. It all just seems so silly and meaningless. Because there are worse things that can happen (as you are also unfortunately all too familiar with). I hope that the bitterness I am feeling right now towards drama/bullshit morphs into bravery though. I need it in the next coming months.
It helped me to remember that all suffering is relative. I had no desire to LISTEN to the people freaking out over their parking tickets or breakups…but I was at least able to cut my anger off at the bud by saying “well…this is what’s hard for THEM right now”.
I would even make the smug “dark humor” comment: “those losers can’t hack it. They’re not in REAL superhero training right now 
. What will they do when the shit REALLY hits the fan?!”
It helped me to understand that, though I was in incredible amounts of despair…it was at least good training for the sometimes intense depths of pain that life/the world can throw at us.
Also: you are being brave just by existing. No need to try. You coming here to talk about where you’re at is also very brave in my book. 
You should be so very proud of yourself for your constructive choices and introspection.
To say it’s hard to lose your father doesn’t begin to describe it’s wake. May his memory be forever eternal.
Thank you so much for the insight. I am sorry to hear about the loss you experienced and are having to buckle into again. The staircase analogy speaks to me. There is so much of who I am that I recognize as my dad. I feel fortunate to know how proud he was of me. After he passed, I was looking through his text messages trying to find photos for his service slideshow. The amount of time he spent talking “proudly” about me to his closest friends was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. Heart breaking because I didn’t know how proud he really was until after he was gone. I felt like I lost my biggest cheerleader. The pit of agony and despair I totally feel… I try to not fall into it, but it creeps up on me multiple times a day. So I just try to keep myself as busy as I can during the day to try my best to avoid it. I have not perfected the art of escaping that just yet, but I hope with time I will. My dad was our foundation. He kept everyone chill. I feel like my mom and brother look at me more as the foundational piece now. I would have considered myself a strong foundation for the most part over the last few years. However, I just feel like a rickety old house right now with lots of creaky boards. I just pray I can find my strength again soon.
I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is very hard. I lost my dad too lung cancer in 2016. You are an inspiration for being able to manage that type of grief and sobriety as well.
I have been fighting to live sober since I unexpectedly lost my youngest son 15 in December. I made it through my 50th Birthday in Vegas and recently a Pearl Jam concert, but sadly I was overwhelmed when I received an email concluding his wrongful death settlement and fell off the sober train after 35 days. I don’t want a settlement, I want my baby back. I know that’s not reality, but that’s the feelings that hit and i let the alcohol demons win. So, I’m back at day 2 today.
Keep up the good work, you are doing amazing!!!
I am so sorry to hear about this. That is definitely another kind of pain that I pray I can never relate to. I can relate to the only thing you want being to have that person back. My life has changed so much over the last 2 months since dad died to the point that I don’t know what I want out of life anymore at all. I give the same answer to that question when people ask and say I don’t want anything other than to have my dad back. The thought of going the rest of my life (which by the history of my family could be another 50+ years) without him is too much to bare at times. I do know one thing to be true though, and that is that alcohol will not help solve the problem or ease the pain. It only breaks your spirit and self esteem down even more and pulls you into a rabbit hole that is incredibly difficult to pull yourself out of. When I think back onto the times in my life that I was down in that pit, I am eternally grateful for the strength and courage I had to buckle down and force myself to be sober. In our pasts, we cling onto our DOC like an abusive relationship, caught in the cycle of abuse. You just have to remind yourself that it does not serve you. And it is preventing your ability to fully heal by allowing it to control you in such a way that it hides the emotions you are trying to avoid for a short while. The thing is, we still have to wake up in the morning and face those ugly emotions. And it takes a conscious effort to face them and work through them so you can finally heal in some constructive way. I don’t know you, but I feel so much of what you have said and know how much daily pain exists with what you are dealing with. Your son would certainly not want you to be broken by his death. He would want you to find a way to take the negative situation and morph that energy into something positive and constructive that can help others. Find strength in knowing that. Do not let the scars of your past consume you and stifle the growth and plans for your future.