I’m dealing with some really hard emotions today and I just need a safe place to get it out. In September 2017, my 25 year old nephew was struck by a train and killed. It was devastating news and we all assumed it was an accident because he was high functioning Autistic and had been hit by a car before because he was just not paying attention. The death certificate said suicide, and I decided not to delve into it because I just couldn’t emotionally at the time. He was like my little brother and his death was really hard on me.
My niece made a FOIA request to the police department last week and today we learned that it was in fact a suicide. He was walking towards the train.
I’m at work and trying to hold it together. This is just a lot to process. We all wish we had done more for him, and none of us knew he felt so hopeless and depressed. He was impulsive, so I’m sure this wasn’t premeditated, just an opportunity he chose to take. He was being evicted and had nowhere to go. We all now wish we would’ve helped him find somewhere to live or something. I don’t know. He was difficult to deal with sometimes and argued with us constantly. I still feel regret for not doing more.
Thanks for reading… Just needed to vent somewhere. It’s been a hard day. Staying strong and staying sober.
I am so sorry. That is a lot to take in. Do you have people around you that you can call on for support. We will always be here for you, but I know it isn’t the same as a hug and a physical shoulder to cry on.
When someone chooses to take their life it’s for personal reasons, sad,devastating, and heartbreaking. The depression and sadness is not gone anymore just passed along to the ones that loved them. You did nothing wrong, I hope you know that. Hindsight is something you’ll go over many times before you realize it’s useless. He’s loved and missed but you need time to heal now. One day at a time… one meeting at a time…one memorie at a time. You are strong, I’m glad you came here to vent. sending love.
That’s hard news! I’m so sorry you’re struggling with that regret.
Mental health is so complex and unpredictable. We may see the signs but we aren’t professionals. Most of us are just trying to keep our own vessels afloat, or are riding out a storm of our own. People make choices we may never understand but every being we meet impacts us or guides us. Who knows the course of events that your nephew set in motion with his time here.
I love your commitment to live clean and honor his memory.
Thank you all. I do have family and friends supporting me. I’m sure tonight I’ll be crying on my husband’s shoulder. It’s just been up in the air for almost 2 years now, and to finally know the truth is both heartbreaking and a relief. I know he’s at peace now. He had a hard life. None of us knew how bad he was really struggling.
sending love.
