It’s been almost a month now since my last relapse. I have come to terms today with the fact that I am dealing with trauma, trauma from actions while drunk, behaviours I am ashamed of and broken relationships.
I am taking time for healing, I am not drinking, I am engaging in weekly therapy, but I’m afraid I won’t get past this.
I have been here before, but anyone who may have a “it does get better” story or thought to share would really help my day.
@Refreshedperspective Thanks for reaching out for help, that’s a great first step. I think miracles happen in recovery, and yes 7 years in I can tell you it is 2nd nature to be clean daily.
You have your whole life to figure this out, why not just take it one day, today, at a time and see what happens?
Quit thinking about the past and the future. You’re doing awesome by not drinking today. Now is what matters.
Thank you very very much for your support.
I can also apply this to my past actions while drunk, there is no sense fearing them so long as I am sober, which I have proven in the past I can do.
I had no idea how much trauma I had throughout my life time. Realizing my traumas lead me to drink and taught me how to numb my emotions. So here I am sober coming to terms with many things in my recovery. Do not be hard on yourself because healing is going to be a process. You will get through it one day at a time. Recovery is hard but so worth all the work.
Not knowing your traumas, I have learned that it’s really none of my business. I also know that my life has improved greatly by learning compassion and empathy. I have plenty of amends still to make as I heal, but I find I need to apologize far less often than I used to. I’m a sick person getting better with progress not perfection. Things WILL get better for you …. I’m confident 
Im in a similar boat as you so I thought I would share some things my sponsor has said, mainly about shame. Its a pretty common thing with recovering addicts/alcoholics. We need to learn to be better while not getting sucked into a shame spiral because shame is a HUGE relapse trigger. Since we cant change the past, all we can do is not repeat the same mistakes and make amends when possible.
Other people woth long sobriety promise me it gets better. Im choosing to believe them 
hope your day gets better