I relapsed yesterday. I’ve been to 2 meetings so far, haven’t spoken, just listened, got my white Tag. I think something came over me where I felt good about myself for taking those steps, but they weren’t enough to stop me from doing it again. I didn’t even consider calling any if the numbers I got the first day. I think it could be helpful but my addiction calls me so strongly that I don’t even think once I get to a certain point. I made it 3 weeks though. But with my addiction, I can feel death everytime I relapse so it’s scary.
I just don’t know what else to do. I know I carry a lot of pain and my addiction is self abuse and ultimately a form of suicide to me, because I know it will kill me. I just am trying to push against it, and maybe I’ll get better and not want to hurt myself so much.
Anyways thank you listening…
Keep going to meetings. Get on a regular routine of going. Get active here. Read everythin on this forum…particupate. keep your mind busy with sober thoughts and actions.
Thanks @thirdmonkey. I donfeel a little confused as to what to do. Ive already been reading through here and commenting, and I feel somehow how better and more connected. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Wise word I am sure from experience. I have shared forum with some others who I believe would benefit. I do find when attending meetings in person there are those short timers and seasoned sober do not read other than at meeting. Reading and keeping one’s mind on sober nourishing words is priceless for the sober journey.
Glad that you are here and posting with will to be sober. The community forum here is very beneficial to make you feel like you’re not alone and to give you support. Lots of knowledge, here and lots of people that thought that their drug choice was going to totally do them in and then turned it all around. I’m sure that the 3-D meetings will help you in the same way and also give you contact with similar people in your area, if you choose to do in person, everybody has to start somewhere.
I’m glad that you’re already feeling positive benefits from being here at TS and reading and commenting. Welcome back to the site.
Constructive criticism - you’ve been to 2 meetings, you didn’t phone any of the numbers of the people who want to help you, your last post was a year ago and you’ve only ever been on here 13 times.
Next time you don’t know what else to do at least do something. I relapsed day after day for years and things only started to get better the day I started to help myself, it’s not easy I know and it’s not meant to be but short term pain is better than long term misery.
I wish you well on your journey
I guess youre right. I seem to try to take the easiest path, and sobriety is teaching me thay the bare minimum isnt enough. Also, Im finding that I feel uncomfortable telling people about my situation, it just feels threatening to expose myself. But maybe thats a cop out for doing the work, another huddle to get over and face.
Thank you for the kind honesty, I needed the truth but appreciate the kindness as well.
Thank you for commenting. It does feel safe here. I love to read the other stories and feel the comfort that Im not alone. The 2 meetings I went to were okay, but it also felt odd with the chanting and such. I think I will try again. Its a bit overwhelming be around so many people without the option of a vice lol, but I suppose I will get used to it.
Thanks again for messaging and making me feel heard and seen. I appreciate you.
Thanks for messaging me back, Alisa. I think one of my biggest issue is that I denied community outreach for most of my life. Ive always steered clear of asking for help in anyway, and instead just figured it out myself. The problem obviously is that I use alcohol and drugs to cope. I guess a new approach is necessary.
Im not sure what the 3d meeting is, is it part of this community that were on? Or is that NA?
Thank you for the advice. Do you recommend any books on sobriety that have helped you? I have the AA book, I havent read it though. I will start it this week. Does the AA book work for NA, is it all the same idea?
This resonates for me. The habit of Sober exposure. Advertising for alcohol works because we are exposed to it continuously. Why not do the same for sobriety.
I truly believe that is why AA has proven results and success with its members. At first sobriety last year I purchased every book recommended. Yes I read much in all of them. No I have not read completely. This year sobriety started in February. I am still picking up new reading material to stay informed on sober life. God also was acknowledged this time around which I believe was life changing.
Thanks for your input.
Ever rowed a boat, paddled a kayak, or even a pool floatie?
You dip and pull that paddle and pull, and you move a little bit. If you keep doing it, you build momentum and pretty soon you are moving forward steadily.
If you don’t keep paddling, you stop.
Keep paddling. Keep going to meetings. Keep coming here. Keep using your tools. Otherwise, you will stop moving forward, and drift backwards.
I started taking acamprosate (used to be known as Campral) after several relapses and 2 impatient rehab. One was 3 months. I am doing great and NO cravings. Look into it. It’s saved me. I take 3 pills a day. If your in the USA you can get a monthly shit.
