My anxiety and/or paranoia is so bad after my relapse this past week. I have no physical withdrawal symptoms anymore but I can’t seem to calm down mentally. I have responsibilities and I can’t seem to focus or relax because I have so much anxiety over potential consequences of my actions while using - like nothing I can control or that I know will happen but thoughts that my past actions will lead to all sorts of negative things.
Idk it’s hard to explain. What’s important is I’m sober now which I’m trying to focus on but does anyone have any advice to help me calm down? I’m desperate and I’m afraid it will lead to another relapse.
You’ve been going through a lot of emotions and you’re feeling a lot of things about your choices in the past. That’s understandable and it’s totally normal.
You’ve mentioned CBT in your past posts but also your concern that you might want something more direct, more immediate to gain insight. Have you explored other options for getting a handle on where you are and where you can go?
Talking to someone who you trust and who can help you recognize when your anxiety is lying to you and giving you fear based thoughts. Writing out the thoughts. Praying about it. Going on walks. Say the serenity prayer. Talk about it at meetings. Let go let God. I deal with a lot of negative thoughts and they are opposite of my beliefs and values and it puts me in a very worrisome state. I talk to people who have been thru similar things as well and I was told for me at least, when I am having negative thoughts to praise God and it rewires your mind and cleans your heart. If you have any questions just ask me
Just keep things basic right now. Have you been able to eat ? For me personally sometimes my anxiety makes me forget about eating or taking breaks or the basics . Have you heard of HALT? Hungry , Anxious, Lonely, Tired … Sometimes the anxiety is caused by these simple things. Keep reaching out and do what you can to get through today. Listen to some calming music and give yourself a break . It will definitely be ok . Also as some others have suggested it doesn’t hurt to seek help if you have tried on your own and your anxiety gets in the way of your daily life … I recently started meditation and talking to a doctor after having panic attacks and I felt I was consumed by it sometimes but what helped so much was HALT and simple communication … you also just have to give yourself time to recover . All that matters is you’re pushing forward and not giving up
Thank you - it really does help knowing what I’m feeling is normal.
I haven’t. But thinking about it now, CBT would have helped had I started on it weeks ago so maybe I’ll be proactive now and look into it this week. Other than that, I think I want immediate relief from my anxiety and I just don’t know that there’s any healthy way of getting that.
Honestly, I think I will pray about it and saying the serenity prayer does provide some sense of relief. I don’t have anyone to talk to about my anxiety/fears because doing so would require me admitting to what I’ve done in my addiction and that’s almost too much to bear. I know a meeting is a good place to do that but I haven’t gotten up the courage to go to one yet other than silently attend the online ones. The last in person meeting I went to, I broke down crying the whole time and everyone there were like established in their recovery so I felt very… uncomfortable… for lack of better words.
I have in the past and I’ve gotten therapy for it but it was always like long term advice - nothing that worked for me… it may have but I give up after months of trying. I’ve had medication prescribed too but that never really worked either. I’m desperate though so I’m willing to try again.
I have been able to eat but barely… like I don’t enjoy food anymore and I want to cry when I am eating. Could you elaborate on what HALT is a little more? How does that help with your anxiety? I think because I’m not able to complete daily responsibilities due to my anxiety right now that anything I can do in this moment to relieve it that isn’t alcohol would be amazingly helpful!
There is no such thing as immediate relief from anything (of course), especially anxiety or anything else that’s emotional or mental. Relief from anxiety always takes effort.
It’s a bit like learning to dance. The anxiety - the staying seated at the dance - doesn’t go away until you take dance lessons and learn the steps. You can and will learn the steps when you take lessons, but you have to take the lessons. There’s no shortcut (even though our lying addict voice says there is; it’s lying and the idea that our addiction will give us relief is bullshit, every time; it never does).
Everyone’s dance is unique, and everyone can learn to dance; it is 100% possible and you can do it. You may not see that now but you can.
Anxiety can come from a few different sources - including from our addictions - and our addictions always make it worse; they’re not a relief; they always make it worse.
To handle anxiety, we need to dig into our lives and talk with people (sober people and also doctors / psychiatrists) about our life and our experience. By doing that, we gain insight into what we are going through and what next steps there may be. There is always a next step.
Bluekoolaid mentioned HALT above: those are four key problems that when we ignore them, often cause relapse. Relapses happen when I ignore that I feel:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
If I’m hungry, I should eat something.
If I’m angry, I need to find someone to listen to me share my side of the story.
If I’m lonely, I need to find people to be with (meetings are good for this; other healthy sober social spaces are helpful too).
If I’m tired, I need rest / sleep (learn to love napping - it is awesome ).
Thank you for the insight Matt! I realize dealing with my anxiety will take practice, learning, and work. It’s difficult being an addict and being so used to instant gratification! I have found that my anxiety gets better with time which is difficult because life doesn’t stop for anyone and time is not something I have when it comes to my responsibilities. I’m hoping I can pray on it, not use, and push through until I feel relief.
I also think working out or even just walking will provide somewhat instant relief from some anxiety but lately it’s been so bad that I have trouble doing anything let alone going out into the world/leaving my home.
and it’s totally normal.