So i failed today. I had been 1 year sober. Then 1 week. Then…
I have maintained years of sobriety. But relapse always accompanies one primary motivation… avoidance. I have failed many times recently. Fallen, as i like to say. Avoidance is death. In its most extreme form, and I’ve been alright with that as a possibility.
I think, and my experience in the AA program has done nothing but confirm this… that I drink as a statement that I am ready to die.
It is avoidance, I have found. Emotional dross i am unwilling to, or incapable of dealing with.
Pointless, but i have thought about how i ended up here…i wasn’t allowed to drink. My rebellion led to abuse when i could, and my only relationship with alcohol started as one that could not be maintained. Drink as much as i could, when i could. And of course, the euphoria provided by alcohol was preferential to the existential pain i lived with every day.
Lol. Oh boo hoo. I know. Jesus. Help me. I can’t do this.
I started this post to point out one of those amazing revelations you have when you’re drinking… and lol i forgot. Because i fucked up and drank.
I think alcoholism is a byproduct of misguided evolution. Salt, sugar, and fat. We are programmed to respond to certain things… to never let go once we have a hold… those things necessary for for survival as a hunter gatherer… alcohol, a quickly accessible sugar… along with euphoria… Jesus how did ANY of us stand a chance??? I frequently wonder how it’s still legal. If anything was going to be illegal, it should be the insidious and penetrative alcohol. It is a tiger posing as a house pet.
We’re all in chains, aren’t we?
But people here have been telling me that it’ll get better; I hope you’ll recover soon and get back on track. I don’t know you but I wish so much that you’ll get sober again.
Please, get back on the wagon 
Who cares about a relapse? You’re human, we’re not perfect! Just do what you did before. You were so strong with that 1 year streak! Heck, I couldn’t even do it for 6 days! If you did it once you can do it again. Don’t give up!
Who are you? Can we help each other? It’s hard. 1 day is hard, 5 days is a dream. I made it 7 this time. But why do we drink? Why did i fall? Why are we beautiful regardless?
I’m just a tormented soul like you. But we don’t have to be. Sure we can help each other. There are lots of other people here too. Most of them with experience and they’re a lot more competent than me. They’ve been sober for ages and they know what to do and what to say. You hang in there and let’s both of us not relapse anymore just for the next hour. One hour at a time. I’m in if you are.
You just wait a little while and soon there are gonna be lots of people here cheering you on and make you feel better 
Maybe you guys should try a meeting might help ,helped me stay sober for decades wish you well
You relapsed. That sucks. No one wants to be in this situation. I truly am sorry.
Now get up and regroup.
During the time you managed to stay sober: What do you think worked towards your sobriety? What things that you did worked towards your sobriety?
Start with that. Repeat that. Make a list of these things and keep at it.
What did not work well? Where do you need help with? What can you change to make it work better?
Sobriety like all the ways to be a responsible adult means work. You do life, you fall, you get up, you analyse the situation, you regroup, you try again.
Keep us posted how it goes.
Meetings are always a good idea. I’m back in the program for the first time in a decade, i went ahead and got a sponsor and committed to 90 meetings in 90 days.
Like a newborn I’m measuring sobriety in the more optimistic format. My sobriety is 72 hours old right now, but healthy and growing.
Thanks all. Best of luck to everyone in their journey. Nothing but love.