Delayed sadness/grief

Emotional Support
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I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but is it normal if something bad happened, you ignored feelings via using substances, now you’re sober and all the feelings hit you like a tidal wave. Because I have been so much more sad since I stopped drinking.

Its about J again. I had a dream the other night where we were together again, and then I woke up and remembered that she died 4 years ago. It still hurts so much. I miss her so much, despite what she did to me. I feel weak cause its been years I should be done grieving but in a sense I hadn’t started feeling all of that until recently. I just bottled it up and pushed it down and now its pouring out.

So yeah. Feelings are hard. So many songs make me think of her and its hard. I’m having a hard time moving on. I can’t sleep, I’m scared of what I could wake up to. I mean I woke up and she was dead that morning. I don’t want that to happen to anyone I care about again. I can’t let anyone else die. I’m always on alert and paranoid and its exhausting and I can’t stop. I’m a lil upset I missed therapy last week but hopefully I get a session this week to unpack all of this.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Just needed to vent.

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Or sucks feeling your feelings sometimes. Even when I was drinking I’d think of all these miserable things from the past. That’s why I pretty much always blacked out when I drank. I wanted to badly to not think of those things or feel those awful feelings. I have a lot of things to come to terms with. I’m sorry for your loss and that you are feeling sad now. The good thing about feelings is they are fluid, and when you ride the bad ones out, you get to places of peace and happiness. Take good care of yourself. You’re doing a good job by being here.

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I can definitely understand how you’re feeling. I’ve had 3 people close to me die this year and only one of the deaths happened after I had already stopped drinking. I’m still processing it all and learning how to deal through the lens of a sober mind.

It does suck. A lot. I think @IcanIwill is right and the good thing about it is that now we are able to process these things properly and that is the only way to get through the sadness and grief. As the saying goes…The only way out is through.

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