So, yesterday I had a very honest conversation with my mom. I’ve been talking to her the past couple days about how serious alcohol has affected my life. She’s always been concerned and unhappy with my relationship with alcohol but we never had such an honest conversation as we did last night. She is such a support and is dead set on helping me anyway she can. Plus it helps that she barely drinks anyway and has never really enjoyed it so that’s refreshing to be around. We got on the topic of denial during our conversation last night. It’s a state of mind that is more intense then I ever thought it to be. If you’ve been following my posts and my story, you know about the final straw situation that led up to me contemplating sobriety. Yet, I didn’t look at is as wanting to be sober. I looked at it as I’m going to take a break for a bit. I made it from November 21 2016 to January 1 2017. For the past 7 months I have been in such denial thinking that I could be a moderate drinker and control myself. I have worked overtime to try and do just that and it became so stressful, such a mental chore and strain. Until I realized, this is not ok, if I am struggling so much that it actually hurts and if I reflect on how many times I’ve been blacked out, had an emotional breakdown, self harmed, gotten sick, and nd could barely walk since I had really started drinking at 18, then something is wrong. These past 7 months were and den attempt at trying to make denial the truth. But when it comes down to it, that monster under the bed finally grabs a hold of you and you know it’s finally time to make a change in your life.
This monster doesn’t go away when you turn the lights on,but at least you can see what you’re up against. The longer you ignore it,the bigger and meaner it will get. You have to accept it is there and then formulate a plan to fight against it.Once you take out denial then you have a good chance against alcoholism.
Great post pal! Thanks for sharing:)
I know how you feel, I didn’t think I was addicted to opiates, thought I had it under control at work and home, but after a work and home intervention I realized I didn’t ha e it under control and it was ruining and taking over every aspect of my life. I am glad your mom is there rooting you on