Yup. I’m depressed as hell today. I feel like I don’t fit in ANYWHERE with ANYONE. I have literally one good friend but him and his wife won’t even let me see their newborn baby because they have some kind of list of people they need to see her first… okay… I was supposed to be the kids godfather. I’ve known this friend since 13 yrs old… I messaged his wife every week while she was pregnant asking how she was doing… the kid is over a month old now… but whatever. It’s their life. Friends move on.
I have other “friends” but all they do is drink and smoke weed.
Haven’t made a single friend in the real world since becomming sober. I make no friends at work cuz my mom runs the building so people don’t like me cuz of that I guess. Yea, people are nice there, but they don’t wanna see me do well.
I have my wife, but she has severe PTSD so when I’m anxious and all weird she gets all anxious and weird cuz she thinks im gonna leave her.
I’ve had suicidal thoughts but I’m honestly to much of a pussy to do that. I don’t even know why I think that way? I want to drink when I’m like this to kill the thoughts but I don’t wanna live through that hell either.
Things aren’t normal for me anymore and I can’t figure out why… I’m just fucking sad.
It’s tough when we feel all the feels. Keep letting it out Steve. You’re feeling all that shit you’ve been burying for so long. It’s a wave at first but it’s ok. It will pass. Keep sharing
I’m right there with you, man. All of it. I feel like I’m just done. Nothing makes sense anymore. I used to have it all figured out, now I don’t. Nothing seems to bring me joy anymore.
I don’t have any friends either, the only ones I have are blood relatives and folks I’ve met online. I value our relationships but sometimes you just someone to confide, ya know?
Suicide has always been an option, but I’ve read too many stories here about family members taking that route and how it messed them up. I can’t do that.
So, what are our options? We can work towards a better tomorrow or we can not. I’ll sleep on it.
Hey Steve. Sorry life is shit right now man. I’ve walked with depression for a long time also. A few years ago, I came across the idea of radical acceptance. In short, saying “It is what it is.” Most of the things you listed cannot be changed by you. So, you can either accept them or fight them. I think we can all find some amount of peace in simply accepting things that cannot be changed.
Another thing to be mindful of is this — how much is “victim mentality” contributing to your depression? Perhaps this mentality is not present at all, but watch out for it. Looking at life in a manner that makes us victims of our circumstances really does a job on our mental health. Instead, you examine life, radically accept what cannot be changed and courageously change those things which you can influence.
Finally, refuse to turn those metaphorical guns on yourself. Refusing to hate yourself is essential. Easy to say, difficult to accomplish. I just know I’d rather be pissed off at other people before I choose to hate myself. It takes the heat off of me a bit, which makes life much more manageable. Just some thoughts man. Much love to you.
You ever think about writing our learning how to play guitar I see ur backdrop their so I know u enjoy sum heavy stuff. (Likewise) Those words u wrote above u could turn into a song cuz I know theirs hundreds and thousands of people who can relate. Stay strong stay sober or get pulled over:call_me_hand:
Sorry to hear that about your friend and the baby, that sounds really hurtful. Making friends as an adult is really hard. Especially when you’re feeling low already, it makes it even harder to put yourself out there. I have found the recovery community and online meetings have been a welcome boost for that bit of connection, especially through this last winter on lockdown.
I don’t know if you’re on any medication but if so might be time to ask for something new. My suicidal ideation got quite bad on my last meds and it took me a while to think that it could be a side effect of them. Not 100% sure it was, but since changing them that side of things got a bit easier at least.
I hope there’s a break in the dark clouds soon for you friend
