For unknown reason whenever I have depressive episodes, I come to similar communities like here and I just talk about my feelings, my life and my story. Whatever, but it helps me.
Anyways…
Hello, my name is Nastya. I’m just little silly man and I have a lot of shits to fight with. From my childhood I have family issues, especially with my mother, who is mentally ill, as well. With start of school I was a lot bullied. A lot of people used me for money, sex or whatever they wanted. Most of my time I was alone, really alone. I was in psych ward and tried to attempt suicide few times. I was addicted a lot to alcohol and benzen. I binged and purged. I cutted and burned myself.
I almost destroyed and killed myself with it.
But here I am now with depressive episode, which I currently have, because I’m bipolar. I’m feeling very tired and I feel like it should be better if I forever slept, but deep inside of myself I have some energy to still fight and to not give up. Every day I woke up and I really, really want to scream and hide under my blanket of my lovely bed, but I always find strength to go outside and somehow… Live, I guess.
I’m taking meds and I’m sometimes asking myself, what would happen, if not my meds. My meds a lot helped me. They helped me to finally normally sleep (from childhood I had insomnia, possibly chronically), in some way as well function and even feel positive feelings. As well they helped me to see less and having less any hallucinations or psychotic episodes.
I’m a lot tired, but I know it’s not the end and that I’m gonna be someday okay and feel happiness. I just need to take care of myself and importantly! To not give up.
