Did I miss anything ? 
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Hi, there. You say you were āsoberā, but you failed to work a recovery program daily. Being āsoberā is not being āin recoveryā. White knuckling it for 10 years is like being an amateur and walking a tightrope over two skyscrapers without a safety net. Iāve been in continuous recovery for over 28 years for one big reason: 12 Step meetings and working and living a recovery program every day.
Without my Program and an interest in a spiritual life, Iād be just another nervous walking disaster area with a messy life and fleeting joy and satisfaction in life.
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How do you know she was white knuckling it may I ask I use 12 step meetings but people can get sober without them itās not the only way not everyone who is sober and not using 12 step recovery meetings is miserable
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like you i have been working the program into my life for a few decades now and its made my recovery a lot easier with the steps. , if people can stay sober long time without it then thats fine but i use AA and it worked for me from first meeting to today , nice meeting you Heater.
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Both ASAM and Terrence Gorski reported many years ago based on longitudinal studies that number one, only 2% (two percent) of alcoholics and drug addicts remain off mind altering substances past the two year milestone. So odds are stacked against you and you need all the insurance against relapse you cam find. Of those who are still abstinent past that milestone, the ONLY common denominator among them was regular attendance in 12 Step or spiritual (such as church) recovery programs. When you find scientific proof that contradicts this conclusion, get back to me.
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So there is no one sober for longer than 2 years who hasnāt worked a program or gone to church??
AA keeps me sober but thatās a bold statement.
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There are people on here with more than two years sober that havenāt taken the AA or church route but actively work on their sobriety 
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Not scientific evidence - its a fact of life.
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Agreed! 4.5 years sober here without AA or a similar group. For me if I had to try to start figuring out what keeps me sober (so that we can find the overarching threads of what helps maintain long term sobriety), Iād say that it came down to probably more than a few thingsā¦but pre-coffee, this is what I got:
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I did have that MOMENT where I realized I was killing myself, looked in the mirror and said āno moreā¦.this has to stopā
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I read a ton of books on sobriety. āIn the Realm of Hungry Ghostsā by Dr. Gabor MatĆØ, Alan Carrās āEasy Way to Control Alcoholā, Russell Brandās Recovery and also myriad drug and alcohol recovery memoirs were all really helpful in helping me understand my addiction
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sobriety was not a hope or wish, it was my full time job.
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this app. I was on it a ton in the beginning and regularly today. Reading, posting, staying connected
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meditation and restorative yoga. I know that we are selfish assholes in active addiction, but Iāve also found that, at least for some of us, our addiction is born from both really negative self image and care as well as underlying anxiety or depression. These two practices have helped me to address my own self loathing to begin loving and caring for myself as well as providing me with tools to manage the underlying anxiety that made my life unmanageable enough to want to drink and use drugs back in the day.
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I am a teacher, and being of service to others as much as I can in any given day helps me pay forward the gifts of my sobriety
Iām sure there are others, but I think this is a good start. I love anything that helps someone get soberā¦and I think the broader our understanding of what works, the easier it is to see that there are sobriety paths out there for anyone that wants. They need not be subscribing to something that doesnāt feel right if it doesnāt feel right. I had an AA-er tell me in early sobriety that I had no fucking chance without AA as my recovery program. I never told himā¦but it threw me into a momentary bout of despair so early in my search for sobriety. To this day I havenāt ruled out going to AA, particularly if I relapse or begin fantasizing about drinking or using.
But at the time, I had a few legitimately negative experiences with AA people that turned me off choosing that path, and his comment made me feel as though I was hopeless and would die from addiction. I am very glad I didnāt listen to this person, as I think they were a bit angry, resentful and blinded by their own shit (arenāt we all?), but words have power, and I Want to use mine to let people know that long-term sobriety is possible in a lot of different ways through a lot of different paths. I think the most important ingredient is a 100% commitment.
Thereās a lot of back-and-forth on here, and a lot of people who chime in to say they hate AA. I try to engage in these conversations as little as possible, and really only to support AA as I think that it has done amazing and immeasurable things for our world. Butā¦ Since it is so polarizing, I do think itās helpful to discuss the over arching tenants of what helps people get and stay sober, To help those that for whatever reason find an AA path to be an impossibility.
Have an amazing sober day everyoneā¤ļø
EDIT: went back to make sense of everything by correcting some of the MANY typos 
post coffee of course 
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Wow! Incredible post. One size does not fit all. AA Is a great place to start. But it is not for everybody. I had a similar experience as you. I missed a day because I went and signed up to get a gym membership. When I came back the next day proud that I had a gym membership I basically was attacked like a kid who missed wrestling practice the day before. But just as Craig Ferguson said, there are meetings available all over the world, they donāt cost a thing, and they are very close to the beginning of the phonebook.
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Thank you so much for your well-thought-out and considered reply. I have had great times in AA and have met some lovely people but there are also those who can get very dogmatic about it as if it is the only way, itās those people who make me run for the hills.
The truth that I found, is there is no black and white with recovery, there is as you say, commitment and love for ourselves and others, which includes a lack of judgement for other peopleās journey to wellness. I too meditate daily and find that helps more than anything else but I wouldnāt tell someone else that is what they MUST do.
AA has such strength and goodness within it as do other methods. I was sober for 10 years and I promise I wasnāt white-knuckling at all, I was loving life, However, I ran away from AA because a dogmatic, self-righteous person was mean to me saying I didnāt have a chance, just like what happened to you.
I just think in a world where it is so easy to criticise and point out someoneās shortcomings we need to stick together and support everyone who is trying to live a happy sober life. Go on any forum for anything from parenting to cars there are always those that want to sling mud, thatās life I guess.
Thank you so much for being kind and congratulations on your sobriety.
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Oh wow, that could have derailed you.
Wow, erm thanks for your support, I think. However, I wasnāt white knuckling it at all, I was living my best life. My life wasnāt messy it was full of joy and satisfaction. Iām happy that you have had a wonderful 28 years in recovery. You might not have meant it, Iām sure you didnāt but your message came across as agressive and judgemental. I hope that you werenāt berating me becasue that doesnāt quite chime with the spiritual way that you profess to be following.
Never mind Iām sober today and have been for since I first came to this forum, it is a great place to be but sometimes as with all forums it can stir up emotion.
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Being āsoberā is not the same as being āin recoveryā. Glad you resumed 12 Step meetings. Hope you get at least a temporary sponsor at one of your meetings.
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Now youāre just trying to manufacture an argument. Iām not going there.
I stated facts. Read the last portion of my prior response. Iām not going to humor someone who has no medical or scientific facts to support themselves. Have you had an assessment by a substance use disorder licensed professional? Go get one and have this argument with them.
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Itās this sort of attitude that keeps people away from AA, I do go to AA and not once have I ever filled out a survey or even had a follow up call from my rehab to see if Iāve relapsed so I personally donāt base a lot of emphasis on stats and facts
Iāve also witnessed people in AA with ālong termā recovery talk about recovery in their shares and treat other like absolute shit the minute the leave the meeting.
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Tbh your just being rude now you say you have 28years sober with your attitude I wouldnāt take any advice from you seems like your the one white knuckling it all these years
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Thank you for proving my point 
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if everyone is sober by any means then thats fine . for me AA was the only place then and internet wasnt a word and there wasnt any other sober programs . so im AA guy they saved this old guys life and over the decades ive sponsored and hopefully enhanced others with sponsorship and talks if i was told to stand on my head at my first meeting i would have lol i wanted to get sober sick of being sick , so again if your sober with AA or not then i wish you well
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Agreed! As another non-AA person, I have learned loads from people on here who go to AA. As Iāve learned loads from people who are Christian, Buddhist, etc. People who do yoga. People who exercise loads. People who have been to therapy.
It doesnāt mean I have to do or invest in any or all of those things. And it certainly doesnāt mean that if I donāt invest in it, I am doing anything wrong. Just because my life is messy and I struggle sometimes, that does not mean I am white knuckling. All it means life is messy and I struggle sometimes. Iām still sober, still grateful, still a perfectly imperfect human trying their best.
There are common threads that run through all of the ways that people get and stay sober and those commonalities are the beneficial things. Some delivery mechnisms work better for some people than others and itās awesome that we have so many options available to us.
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