In relationships, everyone has different personal boundaries and limitations to what they can/will/are capable of doing.
What is a healthy level of boundary, what is a more serious but necessary level of boundary, and what would you consider to be control?
If someone said something like “I’m allowed to do this certain thing, but you are not allowed to” what would you consider that?
If someone says that they are allowing me to do something and I am not capable of making that decision on my own, to me that is control and is a HUGE red flag. Even something that may seem at 1st glance as being harmless such as allowing you to wear certain clothes etc, it may seem abit more on the harmless side but still control. I may be abit more sensitive tho to things like this as I was in a very abusive relationship for 5 years, so I am very cautious and notice things easily that to me sound like abuse. Boundaries are great! But boundaries are a personal thing created by the person themselves. Boundaries are not created for other people… at least that is to my understanding. I create boundaries to protect myself in many ways. Boundaries in relationships is what I use to draw the line as to what is acceptable to me. For example: I won’t tolerate abuse. I’m out the door if that happens. That’s a serious and healthy boundary. Other boundaries would be I do not tolerate cheating or stealing etc. Those are rules for how I expect to be treated in a relationship. When I charged my ex and did counselling in the shelter I was in, I had very weak boundaries. I let alot of things slide, my thinking was very distorted, I didn’t have the self esteem anymore to say that I deserve better. Now I know much diff.
Oooof. Good question. Skipping right over what my boundaries are, because I am not in a romantic relationship, I’ll just start with “allowed.” Unless on a job site or dealing in legalities, no one should be telling another adult what they are allowed to do. Even in those two instances, a person can still choose to do whatever they wish and accept the consequences that come along with that choice.
I was married to an emotional abuser, part of his M.O. was to disallow me many things. I am not sure he ever used the word but I knew. He was in control. When he felt like he was losing control, things got really ugly. He damn near broke me. I now understand why the abused don’t leave. You steadily lose pieces of yourself, things you were barely holding onto anyway.
This may not even be what you’re talking about! But the word, “allowed” shot me right back into the past.
Ok, it seems the word itself “allowed” is very triggering, which is understandable.
Rephrasing. “I can do this specific thing because i can, but if you do that same specific thing, it’s going to cause a huge problem between us”
Hmmm this sounds very 1 sided. So it’s OK for THEM to do it… but not YOU? Sounds like there’s control trying to happen here… how is it ok for them to be able to do that one thing (and u have to deal with their actions), but not ok for u. And then honestly it sounds like a “threat” when saying that there will be huge problems btwn the 2 of u IF you do that.
An example I’ll use,
“I did this and you just have to accept it, but if you were to do that same exact thing, it would be a deal breaker for me”
It sounds a bit parental to me. And I don’t like it. 
Ya I don’t feel good about that situation. And honestly, if your having to question wether whats happening is ok or healthy?.. then ur body and mind are telling you that this isnt okay. I’m glad u posted this… but if you feel the need to seek advice or ask questions, then it sounds like u already know that it isn’t ok 
This seems like one of those subjects where everyone may have opinions that differ based on situations/experience/mentality so I’m just genuinely curious as to what others think about the given topic.
So true… like I stated earlier, bcuz of my encounter with domestic violence, I had to go thru counselling n courses to learn about red flags so that I am aware of who I may be getting into a relationship with. So I am I guess hypersensitive. And it has trickled into my current relationship where I question myself if wether or not I’m being too sensitive by a comment made to me etc. And diff cultures also have diff boundaries in relationships too.
The thought that came to me was that people say that to their kids all the time.
I think control is hard enough to exercise over ourselves. Someone else trying to exert control over another person who is (or should be) their respected equal - as in, one adult in a relationship with another adult - is not only inappropriate, it would make me question their self-awareness.
Short answer: no, it’s not appropriate.