Torturing myself everyday, I don’t enjoy it and I can’t stay away from it and I don’t know why……. 
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That was me the last year of my drinking. I couldn’t go on. Never thought I could make it a month let alone 17 months. Glad you are here. Great community.
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Personally, I became use to things being crappy; so it felt odd when things were going too well. I was waiting for the next bad thing to happen. So, I purposely sabotaged myself. I realized eventually that I deserved to live a life I enjoy and not live in constant conflict with myself. It takes time and healing. I began listening to the faint voice in my head telling me what is right, instead of letting past trauma continue to control me. I dont know if that is what youre encountering or not, but I hope you find answers. I understand how exhausting it is…
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Have you tried any meetings or programs?
Each day you stay sober it does her easier.
We all understand how hard it is to break the cycle but you can do it.
Glad your reaching out
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Every day I say today I won’t touch it, I fail.
I’m useless. I can see my own body wasting away before my eyes.
I’m sorry you don’t need this.
I can’t go to meetings due to the fear of losing my little one.
I have no family apart from my children, my mum and dad passed away.
I’ve a son who is in a mental hospital permanently and another child who is the centre of my world and the only reason I breath.
I’m so lost.
I’m over my childhood.
I’m over nearly getting murdered and other stuff that happened to me.
I just need to get away from this stuff but I can’t, I don’t even enjoy it anymore or even get anything from it.
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When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you are in the right place to stop. Imagine that life without it, it can be yours. But it takes work. Meetings can be done online, entirely anonymously when the kid is in bed. Their are meetings every hour of the day, and different types to suit you. The feeling of talking about your struggles and hearing others really does lighten the soul.
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Hey, i dont mind! You can vent to me. Im actually glad you decided to reach out. I hear you, and i understand where you are coming from. I am also a mother. It sounds like you love your children, but take care of yourself too!
You are stronger then whatever is holding you back. I know you can do this! First, be kind to yourself. Use positive words and tell yourself you got this! I know it is easier said then done, but being kind to yourself helps. I put sticky notes with positive sayings on my mirrors, in my car, everywhere to help remind me to speak positive to myself.
I drank plenty of water, and made sure to take tylenol to prevent discomfort during my withdraw phase. Also, writing down your negative thoughts and then crumpling up the paper helped. If you need someone to chat with, im here.
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You can’t go to a meeting because you fear losing your kids? If you keep drinking, you’ll end up dead and your children will either be taken away or watch you krill yourself. This is a serious addiction. It kills a lot of mothers just like you. Glad you checked in.
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Its called AA which is short for Alcoholics Anonymous, they are anonymous meetings.
I think online meetings will be good for you, you have to really want to quit, and do things differently to break the cycle. Only you can do it for yourself, we can all support you but you have to make the change, what your doing now isnt working.
I spoke to my dr, it isnt as bad as we imagine asking for help. And getting help if thats what it takes for you and the kids to get out of this way of living, just saying theres no shame in needing help, use it to live a better life.
I hope your okay, i know if you dig deep you will find you have all the courage, will and strength to quit, you have our support and your not alone, trust me so many of us here have been where you are now, or still are, you can do this once you start it is so worth it. There is a way out and you just to open your inner strength and give it one day at a time. 
Have you tried online meetings before ?
Would you like to talk about how they work and the zoom code for one thats 24 hours open ?
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How are you doing?
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Wow, Overwhelming reading all your comments. I’ve not been on here in a while due to the shame I feel and battle daily.
I’ve decided that as from 1/12023 it’s a new year and a new start.
I just hope I can do this. I’ve never had the strength to do it and I feel strong atm mentally but physically I’m worn out, I’ve done nothing at all to get out and about so I think my energy levels are low due to lack of movement over the past few months.
I’ve got this strong urge 
to defeat this and the demons that come with it.
I’ve got this. I just pray that the strength I’m feeling is enough.
Thank you all for your comments and you are all right, thank you for your support 
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I like your gumption and you are still alive and fighting…that takes strength. Build it up slowly. We are here with you.
It took me a long time too. Please do not give up.
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Allot of us know that feeling 
I’m glad your back, you can do this.
Keep checking in and reaching out for support doing that has kept me sober.
Allot of us check in daily here pop over and take a read, you don’t have to do this alone there real it is allot of support here for you.
You can do this 
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