So disappointed I drank Christmas eve woke up with a shocking headache feeling bad for Christmas day so what did I do drink more and drank continously until I blacked out. Feel horrendous today sick headache shakes really annoyed that I am missing out on today because I drank to much stupid alcohol. No body stopped me argued with my boyfriend hopefully he may actually realize that I have a problem n I need help. Why did I do it why couldn’t I be strong. Would have loved to have had a sober Christmas I can not just have one it’s so frustrating!! Everyone else can I saw it family and friends all said no but I just kept going. So so disappointed I will start again 
I thought that urge so hard yesterday it’s nothing to be ashamed of it’s a hard thing to do. I know if my family had been around I probably wouldn’t have been able to fight it off I understand where you’re coming from it’s not an easy thing to do family is a huge trigger. The only thing you can do I think is to just forget that it happened and continue down that path of sobriety. Most of us all have relapses I’ve tried to quit multiple times in the past and failed horrendously a lot of times and that exact fashion. The important thing is that you keep trying.
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Hi Natalie.
Like most good things in life, it takes a little work and a little time…we all want the acorn to be an oak tree NOW, and it can’t be. Like the sobriety you want, it needs to be cared for. It needs to be guarded and nurtured…jealously if need be.
When you’re ready in YOUR HEART and in YOUR MIND to accept the gift of a new YOU that your soul wants to give to you, you will have made another step towards a lasting peace. It TAKES TIME…and as you go, you will rediscover yourself in many different ways. It’s not failure as long as you want and need to TRY again. You’ll get it right! BELIEVE in you. We do!!!
Take the gift, Natalie…It’s a climb, but I promise you won’t be sorry. I’m at 100+ days, and have experienced feelings that I haven’t had since I was young. It was tough, but it got easier. TAKE IT…IT’S YOURS.
Skye
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@NatalieE, it’s hard, Christmas eve was the same way for me, I was going strong and getting ready for the evenings festivities and all of a sudden my addict flew up from the pit of hell and grabbed me by my ankles and started pulling me down. It hit me so hard I started shaking… Blah! then my addicted mind started racing and was immediately conspiring to feed the beast. Luckily I had No alcohol in the house and my daughter (who doesn’t drink) was here to distract me. So I pulled through, however my addict inside of me pouted all night. It’s scary and frustrating that the self-taught entity within us sabotages our good intentions… Makes me angry…
When I started here I reset my counter so many times I was about to delete the app, I felt so defeated but I kept saying to myself, you can do this, and so far now I have 40 days sobriety.
We all stumble the key is to pick your self up dust yourself off and start climbing again …
Wish you well…
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Don’t punish yourself but accept what happened. You’re human. We all make mistakes. Before you pick up a drink, come in here and read some stories. It will help you out
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I really wanted to check in with you guys but was at a wedding on Christmas eve n that’s where I stumbled. I have one glass of champagne then of course the inevitable happened I thought well that’s it will reset and I kept drinking as I had broken the cycle. I have just ordered the Allen carr book on being sober read about it on here so fingers crossed. I have felt ill all day on the sofa shaking and sick missed out on a beautiful day had so many things planned n didn’t even get to visit the family members Graves like I wanted too. I am desperate not to feel like this again. 40 days was the longest I have reached n was on 14 days before Christmas. I knew it would be a struggle n am annoyed I failed. But if will remember this feeling and your kind words an advice and I will make next year a sober Christmas that would be my aim to get a year!!
Please try going to an AA meeting.
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I am scared about going to meetings! What if people judge me? The idea of opening up completely frightens me. Can I contact someone prior to going?? I have looked up where they are before so must mean I want to go eventually. What should I expect??
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Hang in there Natalie! You’re not alone, many of us have reset the app, its the courage to continue that is most amazing about you. Each day you get under your belt is an incrument of growth, whether you had to reset later or not 
On another note, is there anything that may be going on “behind the scenes” that triggers you to drink? If so, I recommend dealing with those issues and sobriety will come naturally. Let us know if you need any help!
@NatalieE You can expect to meet incredible and friendly people from all walks of life that are getting sober just like you. No judging…they’re all battling something in their own lives. You’ll walk into a room smelling like coffee. Find a place to sit anywhere. Someone will read the beginning excerpt of the big book and sometimes the steps (different meetings do it different ways.) People around the room will talk about whats on their mind as it pertains to alcohol and recovery. AA is more than just about not drinking. You will get to know yourself and start to heal and then help others. Ask someone for a big book (the book of alcoholics anonymous) and take it home ad start reading. Everyone is scared the first time they go to a meeting. Give it time and you’ll get healthy and make friends.
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Had to reset mine this morning also. Im feeling disappointed in myself too. But I can’t change so just going work even harder this time!!
your imagery really hits home for me! Christmas I felt fine then I started forgetting things at the house and had to drive back 3 times before heading out and literally out of no where just started hyperventilating. I was laughing and crying at how stupid it was to let the urge come to me NOW. My husband was confused but I told him I feel so anxious now and it’s a downward spiral! what an awful feeling. So I don’t blame anyone for relapsing the past couple days!
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Like you told me, we can not change the past we can only find constructive ways to move forward. I feel the stress of what you are going through except I was way worse. I found a behavioral clinic for substance abuse counseling because obviously what Im doing is not working. I wish I knew why we do this to over selves but that is something Im trying to figure out every day. Be strong girl and be positive lets move forward and fight tomorrow as a fresh new day. We can stay strong together.
Agreed, please go to an AA meeting. It saved me, along with this forum and the big book. @NatalieE I was shaking and scared my first meeting, but everyone was SO ridiculously nice and made it feel like coming home.
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Our ego tells us we shouldn’t be so weak and should just quit on our own. Alcoholism is cunning, progressive, and baffling. The “why” is it’s a disease. A mental obsession that turns in to physical reaction beyond reason.
Because it’s hard and uncomfortable are not good enough excuses to relapse. We have to do the dirty work of getting down to what’s behind what we cover up with alcohol and how to handle the triggers. All of this takes work and effort. That’s why we have resources and people to help us to get and stay sober because we can’t do it on willpower alone. There’s tons of help out there, please ask for it.
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