Discipline. Honoring your promises

[Mark.po]

I’m sitting here writing this post with a thought that’s been weighing on my mind for the past few hours.

Growing up, I was always described as a disciplined person or the kind of guy who, if he said he was going to do something, did it. Over the last five years, however, I’ve found myself giving in to behaviours that, up until the age of 27, I would never have imagined were possible for me.

Now, at 32, tired in a way that goes beyond just being physically exhausted, I find myself wondering where that truth got lost.

How many promises have gone unfulfilled?

Is it possible to stop believing in yourself?

And how do you regain the trust you’ve lost in yourself?

I want to make one thing clear: although I feel discouraged, I have no intention of giving in to the pull of immediate gratification. If anything, I feel remarkably in control.

In fact, I think that’s exactly why I’m finally asking myself questions that, for a very long time, I never answered.

Thank you for reading.

M.

[Misokatsu]

I think I can relate. I was the goody two shoes kid growing up, the boring, reliable one, so it was always a painful contrast how messed up I felt inside, and perhaps like you, how I searched for relief with alcohol, ending up doing dishonest and risky things, as well as completely stalling life progress. Since getting sober, I’ve been able to make some changes that make me feel a little more accomplished, although I still feel a little messed up and boring, I just dgaf anymore most of the time. Recovery is something that you can take your time with, as you will be doing it til you die, just little by little everyday.