I haven’t been on here for a while but I signed up for this group because of my drinking and now I have that more under control. I’ve even started a journey of weight loss but that’s not the conversation I’m writing about. I’m disillusioned and sick of this world, well the people in it.
I have always wanted to find good friendships and a good loving relationship where I and the person I “fall in love” with are best friends, partners, lovers all in one and I know that’s probably a lot to ask for. With having a friend group I just want people that I can trust, that I can go to and talk about any and everything with and get sound advice and hang and have good times but unfortunately I keep running into shallow people that don’t care about anyone or anything.
I’ve run into people and get their phone number just to be friends and they’ll text for a minute or two and then just never respond and go ghost and when it comes to relationships it’s even worse luck with men. Im either not their type physically or the ones that stick around just want to use me physically. I suffer from depression, social anxiety, PTSD, and body dysmorphia so saids my therapist and these situations just make me spiral.
I have one friend who I have liked since we were in high school and he apparently now saids he likes me but off and on does that same thing with texting and not responding. I’ve asked to go on dates and he’ll say let’s start slow or let’s do this and then call drunkingly and talk about his feelings for me etc. It makes no sense. People make no sense.
I blame everything on my appearance. I think all the time if I were attractive or slim or taller or skinnier that life would be easy but I want to really learn to just stop looking at people on the outside of me and just start looking within and be my only best friend, love me more than anyone ever could. I’m hurt because of my past bullying and yet through all of this mental pain I’m feeling now I don’t even wanna drink so that’s a good sign. I’m sorry I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I hate people but I also want to be friends with people and make good memories. I wish people had more compassion and love instead of shallowness and superficiality.
Working on yourself first before trying to find a romantic relationship is key, otherwise you won’t attract the right people. Do you have sober friends? I suggest you start connecting with people who will support your sobriety. You can find them at local AA meetings or other sobriety support groups. I’m 18 months sober and only now tipping my toes in the dating waters. I have more wonderful sober friends that are authentic and real.
You’re speaking form a laws of attraction perspective.
I’ve actually start to read more in that. You manifest what you constantly think about and unfortunately for me it’s always negative. I have to learn to shift my reality and that’s not easy but I can start somewhere.
You’re absolutely right about putting myself first and fixing myself, loving myself before I can love somebody else. It’ll be a journey but I’m ready to start it. I can’t keep letting things like that side track me.
Thank you for reading and responding to me and yes you are right, I am the most important to me and no one will love me more than I love myself and I need to learn how to have a loving and compassionate relationship with myself. I just have to learn to take it one step at a time because nothing happens overnight.
This is a vulnerable post, I appreciate you trusting us with your feelings. I know for myself, my self esteem, self confidence and self love were pretty non existent when I was drinking and it took a long while to build it up and really see that for me, self love held a lot of the keys I needed for healing. When we focus on loving all the parts of ourselves…even when they aren’t exactly as we wish…we begin healing and acceptance.
There is no ultimate perfection of physical appearance that we will attain…we can attain acceptance and love for the amazing beings we are…we move, run, dance, hug, cry, feel. So I often I take for granted all that my body can still do despite all the poison I put into it for years and all the hatred in my heart for what it wasn’t.
Same for my feelings…when I can sit with the rough ones and know they are okay to have, that helps heal me. It is okay to be where we are at.
Idk, I am kind of rambling here but I think you are on a self love journey and to me, that is the most healing and important journey of our lives.
I too share in having a negative outlook. It is not an easy thing to overcome but it can be done. If I may share something that was told me that helped.
“What is the worst that can happen when approaching a situation with a positive mental attitude and outlook?”
Worst case scenario: You get what you would have expected had you not been positive.
Best case scenario: You end up having a positive experience.
Thank you so much for this amazing post. You are right, there is no such thing as a perfect appearance and for far too long I’ve been trying to live up to something and failing. It hurts more and more each time. The way that I feel about myself, shows in the way that I let people treat me and the way that I’d drink at random.
Right now I am in a space of changing, wanting to change and something recently happened and it’s setting the tone for me to cut off things I know are toxic for and to me and to just work on myself. I’m going to fail a lot but the fact that I know I am trying to heal is what matters the most. I have to know that I am a good person and enough.
Please also write long post, your not rambling, it means a lot to me that you took your time to read and give me great advice. I hope you are having an amazing day. Always stay blessed
I relate to a lot of what you said. I think this is advice I give myself, which may be helpful to you too-
Being sensitive, intuitive, and genuinely caring are all powerful things but can easily turn negative. You have to really internalize that there is nothing wrong with you, don’t even give a second to people who are shallow or using you.
I 100% promise you that there are good people, good friends, and good partners out there! But it’s true that they might take time to find.
I agree with the advice to join sober groups, even just sharing on here like you did helps!
I’ve spoke to this point recently. Im not going to say that these diagnosis are wrong, I’m not a dr. And I may suffer some form of this as well, I’ve never taken the time to seek help.
I think not having friends, as you put it, or not fitting in with the clique, as I see it, doesnt make a person dysfunctional, you, I or we just operate on a different frequency than people who do, ‘social butterfies’ I call them. Im just not that type of person. Maybe as a young man I may have imbued the quality to ‘fit in’.
I consider myself to be functioning on a higher frequency and thats why/how I cant vibe with normies.
I was seeking salvation and a remedy to all this when I gave my life over to Jesus 8 yrs ago. I prayed on it long and hard. The answer I recieved was, God wants me to be a man of the gospel. He doesnt want me to be a man of this world, who finds friendship with people who arent aligned with the gospel.
My beliefs have drove off many people. And I dont take it as a loss, its alignment.
Prayers for you on your journey. Keep getting better at getting better.
I know for myself, my self esteem, self confidence and self love were pretty non existent when I was drinking and it took a long while to build it up and really see that for me, self love held a lot of the keys I needed for healing. When we focus on loving all the parts of ourselves…even when they aren’t exactly as we wish…we begin healing and acceptance.
but I think you are on a self love journey and to me, that is the most healing and important journey of our lives. 
Glad to be sharing this space with you.