For the most part, when I was in my disease, I would drink out of boredom. A lot. But was always functional. Always attended my Teams meetings. No hangovers or headaches. Had it down to a science. If I did go to a bar, (usually during football season) I would drink alone. Drank alone at home. Hardly any friends. Not really a social life. I work in IT so I’m usually in front of a computer all day. My x gf tried to get me out of my shell and be social and do activities…but I was doing it for her not for me. Then she would nag me about it since she was such a social y didn’t I have a social life? And why do I procrastinate and on and on. Needless to say. We moved on. And for the best. I need to focus on myself now. To love myself and if I ever get into another relationship I pray that that person would love and accept me for who I am and not what they want me to be, (been listening to Jay Shetty); because I have a lot to give but it’s also a risk since I don’t want to be rejected or hurt which is why I tend to be a people pleaser. Well I’ve been learning not to be that way anymore. When the time is right…and the right person comes along, I’ll be a healthier more balanced me. Anyway I digress.
But my question is….the longer the sobriety…do you run into bouts of boredom and your mind starts to wander or are you so fixated and committed to sobriety that it’s not even an issue? What tools and routines and way of life do you use to remain and sustain a clean and sober life?
After decades of being sober its away of life only difference from normal people is i dont drink thats all .ive a busy and healther life now sober ,got married again sober two big sons now sober travel the world sober , i still talk at meetings have lots of sober friends and social drinking ones to dont people please dont suffer fools gladly im my own person like to be treated the way i treat others . wish you well on your journey
Sobriety is one of the most exciting things to happen for me in years. It took so much work to achieve and after the first few months the things I started to gain back were priceless. Now with over 2 years I can’t imagine any other way.
I’ve always lived an active life of travel, music, skiing, backpacking, comedy. And I haven’t given up anything! I just enjoy them more and never am hungover, and most importantly I remember everything with no fear of things said or done that harm myself or others.
*Edit - drinking around these things became boring and made everything less enjoyable. When I became bored I drank out of boredom. Then drinking became extremely boring. I drank the fun out of it.
Learning to live sober is one of the greatest challenges addicts face. Simply not drinking/using will not be enough for 99% of us. Learning skills to maintain a healthy and fulfilling life is the cornerstone of sobriety.
My life is considerably less boring now. I was a typical boring drunk so I was often bored. My life revolved around drugs and alcohol. Most of my finances went to support those habits so that was my whole personality.
Now that I have freedom from the drugs I have a life that is beyond full
Dont we all just sometimes get bored in life regardless? I see it now as just part of life and not something thats so terrible i need to reach for the bottle
I think what you are experiencing is very normal. What’s different in sobriety is that I accept that state of boredom, exactly for what it is, and for what it isn’t. Boredom is neither good or bad, but it absolutely passes, and sobriety gives me the gift of recognizing this, then tools to move out of that state. For me, sobriety it my ticket to the journey, I guess better said, it’s the ticket for me to move forward in the journey of all the possibilities this beautiful experience of life presents us.
Its common that this does happen sure. When I drive by a bar with an outside patio and see everyone drinking and having fun in the nice weather I sometimes do feel like I am missing out.
But partaking in that activity led me down bad paths that are not worth it for me anymore…
A number of years ago, I had to have jaw surgery. It needed to be done, but only consuming liquid food out of a syringe for a month, having to learn how to chew all over again, the pain, all kinds of worry about things that could go wrong, etc., weighed heavily on my mind for months and then I finally did it. In the beginning it was hard, and my whole mind and life were consumed with where I was at that moment, but slowly I began to recover. My life slowly began to drift away from my mind constantly being on my recovery, until I was simply living my life without giving any thought to this surgery whatsoever. It does still pop into my mind on occasion, because I have some lasting issues, but only in the way that I remember that I had it.
Sobriety, I think, is the same. At first it consumes us as we go through the beginning stages, but slowly our life morphs around us, and eventually we realize we don’t really think about it anymore beyond that we were once in that state. If boredom strikes, my mind doesn’t instantly think about things I did when I wasn’t sober in order to ease that boredom, though honestly I don’t get bored easily.
Early in sobriety it is 100% necessary to constantly be aware, and purposefully learn to fill your life with other activities, people, etc., but anything we do long enough simply becomes a habit; and such would be my advice to people early in their sobriety, to focus with a singular eye on changing their life in that way until it simply becomes their way of life.
Yes I get bored. I’m a human being. My life ebbs and flows. The difference now is that I have different things I do when I’m bored (read, walk, shopping (this one may not be totally healthy though. ) or else I just simply accept that I am bored and that is okay.
Boredom isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Drinking because you are bored is.
I have definitely dealt with boredom from time to time. But now I’ve picked up some new hobbies that i never would’ve imagined myself doing. Im currently hand sewing a quilt (i know…not the most exciting thing) but i find a contented sort of satisfaction from getting more and more of it done. I also read, and garden, and am furthering my education. When that stuff fails to stave off boredom, i go hit up an extra AA or NA meeting, and participate in the picnics, game tournaments, and speaker meetings. Nice thing is that the people there rarely push me out of my comfort zone by expecting me to be a social butterfly. There are plenty of introverted addicts and alcoholics, its just nice to feel like im part of something bigger than myself.
Sure, I get bored BUT boredom is freedom… If I’m bored it means I have idle time. If I have idle time I can pick something to do, I have choices. I never had choices when I was drinking… that’s what I was doing, and it wasn’t fun.
Love Jay Shetty too now I’m newly sober 23 days lol but been experiencing boredom and a bit of depression but it is amazing to wake up sober every day and not using alcohol as my crutch. I got my butt into the gym, been learning to cook new shit, and finally am gonna take some salsa lessons by myself to meet new ppl and just do something. What else are you into? I found some sober social groups too online but I haven’t tried it yet
Early on, it’s easy to feel that sobriety is the reason for boredom, but it’s really not. It’s that you aren’t doing the things you used to, and you start thinking, “If not that, then what?”.
It may not feel apparent now, but like @Dan531 said, it’s freedom. It means your mind is craving stimulation, and there’s nearly infinite sources of healthy stimulation to discover!
Start with going for a walk! Or do something you’ve never done before…
I know right! So one of the things I started doing since being sober is to try and do something different…such as is listening to pod casts…hence listening to Jay Shetty and others . Other than that I’m getting more involved with church such as attending Celebrate Recovery, and foundational and leadership classes. So it is nice to be distracted and busy. So I guess I’m trying to be social and branching out … which has been a nice change of scenery.
Congrats on 23 days! And yea in the beginning there’s a lot of changes your body and system and mind will be undertaking. But it gets better and better with each day! I agree with sleeping and waking up sober. Probably the best part of my day/night lol
Good for you in branching out with the new activities….yea I need to learn how to cook lol
Love that saying sums my life up "drank the fun out of it " this was me by the end i hated it as it wasnt fun anymore yet i still did it expecting it to be, but i no now that was my addict brain lying to me egging me on almost "go on u no its fun better than just watching tv or reading " all lies.
On boredom now im sober i do so much more like hiking and the gym i read again too im trying to make up for last 20 years when was either drunk or hungover.
y didn’t I have a social life? And why do I procrastinate and on and on. Needless to say. We moved on. And for the best. I need to focus on myself now. To love myself and if I ever get into another relationship I pray that that person would love and accept me for who I am and not what they want me to be, (been listening to Jay Shetty); because I have a lot to give but it’s also a risk since I don’t want to be rejected or hurt which is why I tend to be a people pleaser. Well I’ve been learning not to be that way anymore. When the time is right…and the right person comes along, I’ll be a healthier more balanced me. Anyway I digress.
) or else I just simply accept that I am bored and that is okay.
I’m newly sober 23 days lol but been experiencing boredom and a bit of depression but it is amazing to wake up sober every day and not using alcohol as my crutch. I got my butt into the gym, been learning to cook new shit, and finally am gonna take some salsa lessons by myself to meet new ppl and just do something. What else are you into? I found some sober social groups too online but I haven’t tried it yet 
. Other than that I’m getting more involved with church such as attending Celebrate Recovery, and foundational and leadership classes. So it is nice to be distracted and busy. So I guess I’m trying to be social and branching out … which has been a nice change of scenery.