I had a conversation with someone this morning that got me thinking, and I’m genuinely curious what other people in recovery think about this.
The conversation was basically about whether you should be proud of, or even talk about the amount of time you were clean in the past if you’ve since relapsed.
The way I understood it was that if you stayed clean for years and never relapsed that’s something to be proud of. But if you relapsed after that does all that time and hard work somehow lose its value?
I personally don’t believe it does. If I stayed clean for years, fought through the hard days, made sacrifices, and worked my ass off to build a life in recovery, that accomplishment doesn’t disappear just because I eventually relapsed.
A relapse doesn’t erase the strength it took to get clean. It doesn’t erase the courage, the hard work, or the time I spent fighting for my sobriety. Those years still happened. I still accomplished that. And I still have every right to be proud of myself for it.
I’m not saying a relapse doesn’t matter, or that it should be ignored. I’m saying that I don’t believe it takes away everything you accomplished before it happened.
I’m clean today, and I’m grateful for that. I’ve also had longer periods of sobriety in my past, and I’m proud of those too.
So I’m genuinely curious… Do you believe that if someone relapses they should no longer celebrate or talk about their previous times in recovery? Or do you believe that those accomplishments still deserve to be recognized, regardless of what happened afterwards?
I’d really love to hear other people’s perspectives on this.
Talk about it, sure. But celebrate it? No. What’s the point of getting sober again if you can just celebrate your previous clean time? Sobriety is earned through daily work. If you fall down you start again
I understand what you’re saying, and I agree that sobriety is something you have to work at every day. If you relapse you have to start again and keep doing the work.
Where I disagree is that starting over means you have to erase the pride you have in what you accomplished before. I’m not celebrating my past clean time as an excuse not to get sober again. I’m proud of it because I actually did it. I worked hard, I stayed clean, and I know how much strength that took.
A relapse changes where you are today, but it doesn’t erase where you’ve been. If I accomplished something difficult and later stumbled, that accomplishment still happened.
I don’t want to wait until I’m somehow “finished” with recovery to be proud of myself. I think we should be able to recognize our victories along the way while still continuing to do the work.
If anything, remembering that I’ve been capable of staying clean for a long time reminds me that I’m capable of doing it again. And I am clean now too. I think that makes a difference. If I were still using and only talking about how proud I was of the clean time I had years ago, I could understand why that might feel different. But I’m clean today, and I’m celebrating all of my victories… past and present.
My past sobriety doesn’t replace the work I’m doing today. It reminds me that I’ve done this before and that I can do it again.
But thank you for sharing your perspective with me. I wasn’t trying to take away from how you feel or tell you that you’re wrong. I genuinely asked because I wanted to hear what other people thought, and I really do appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you believe.
I think it’s fine to be proud of the pre-relapse accomplishment, especially if they inspire today’s work to stay sober. But they can also serve as a reminder of how quickly things can slip away if we’re not vigilant about our sobriety.
I really like this perspective. I think that’s exactly how I look at it too. I’m proud of what I accomplished before, but I don’t want to use it as an excuse or forget how quickly things can change. If anything, remembering how long I was able to stay clean reminds me that I’m capable of doing it again and gives me something to work toward. Thank you for sharing this!
I personally don’t think a relapse erases your previous accomplishment. You can still be proud of your past, just like you can still be proud of other old accomplishments or feel shame about things in the past as well. I personally feel we can bring what learn forward with us and help guide us through today.
For me, I try to keep my focus on today and where I am at today. That always helps remind me of how important my sobriety is for my peace of mind and sense of self. That then helps guide me in my daily life. I treasure my sobriety and protect it daily…even after all these years.
So yes, be proud of where you have been and also be proud of where you are now. It all takes strength and determination and hard conscious work.
I don’t think so, maybe unless you die during the relapse. I was homeless when I first got sober. Had I not gotten sober when I did I don’t think I’d be alive, I was living on borrowed time at that point. I spent a long time sober after that.
I relapsed and am still alive and not homeless. I still have a career and most of what I want and everything I need. Of course, I could certainly lose those things but learned profitable skills and have acquired specialty licenses during sobriety. Mostly for working with natural gas but also in plumbing and HVAC. I can always get a good paying job as long as I’m still alive.
I’m proud of the person who is trying to change their life for the better. It’s up to the individual what standard they hold themselves to.
It’s tempting to excuse a lapse or relapse by pointing out what has been achieved before, and I wouldn’t encourage that. All of us addicts are potentially one relapse away from the grave.
However, if you cannot be proud of the change you’re trying to make then when can you be proud, when you’re dead? Because until that day we’re all just trying to stay sober, one day at a time.
As someone who is almost 30 days off a 2 year relapse after almost 2 years sober, I’m certainly proud of my sober time before the relapse! When I think about it I am reminded of how good my life physically felt, but I was lacking in the spiritual and internal work on the person beneath the alcohol. I don’t believe the time is lost but it has its place for me, and it’s in the past along with my relapse right now and I can’t control the past, or the future, I find my serenity in just controlling today
My sobriety this time around is much more peaceful because I’m approaching it differently than last time and I’m doing it for myself. So while I still look on past sobriety with pride and remembrance I can be sober, I just find myself more excited about how I am working to be a better person and not just a non-drinker lol
I dont agree with the ‘relapse is just a part of recovery’ thing, it feels too fickle to me about something that for some people could literally mean the difference between life and death but if it does happen then i feel like its a very serious matter where the things that lead to it must be looked at and that there are lessons to be learned, with that said my answer to your question is no i dont think it erases the clean time, clearly something went wrong but you still have the tools in your kit that kept you sober for however long its just that something needs to be worked on…
I am proud of the hard work I put into my recovery, of every step I did and every hard thing I had to do to stay sober. No one can take that from me, not even a relapse.
I take relapses very serious, though. The next relapse might be one we will never recover from. Not everyone gets the chance to come back.
My relapses were early in my sobriety process, usually within a matter of days, so I could look at them as stumbling blocks or learning experiences.
I read here everyday so I can see how it goes for other people when they go back out for a relapse. This helps convince me not to relapse.
Any day sober and working on yourself is a day to be proud of and I think pride in ourselves is a skill that has to learned in sobriety. I don’t think many of us were good at actual self-directed pride in our lives as addicts.
A relapse doesn’t erase sober time but it shouldn’t be glorified. People drop off this site all the time and I can’t help but think that maybe they didn’t make it back from a relapse.
A relapse doesn’t erase your past sober time. I mean that time will literally always exist and yes I guess you could even still be proud of that time and the things you accomplished and learned during it. But I also kind of feel continuing to celebrate that time takes away from being present in your current journey.
I really love this perspective, especially the idea of being proud of where you’ve been while still keeping your focus on where you are today. I completely agree that the things we’ve learned from our past can help guide us through today instead of making us feel like our past accomplishments no longer count.
And I really love what you said about protecting your sobriety daily, even after all these years. That’s such a good reminder that recovery isn’t about reaching some finish line it’s something we continue to value and work for. Thank you for sharing this.
Wow, you’ve really built a lot for yourself since getting sober, and I think that’s pretty incredible. Even though you relapsed you didn’t lose everything you gained during that time. The skills, experience, career, and life you built are still yours. And honestly, I think that goes right along with what I was trying to say in my post. A relapse can change your story, but it doesn’t erase everything that happened before it. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.
I really appreciate this. I definitely don’t want my past sobriety to become an excuse or make me complacent about where I am today. I just don’t believe being proud of what I’ve accomplished means I’m excusing what happened afterward. I think you said it perfectly we’re all just trying to stay sober one day at a time, so why wouldn’t we be allowed to be proud of the progress we’re making along the way?
I agree. And I’m not saying money is everything because it certainly isnt. But having skills and things in place to quickly get back up on your feet could benifit somebody who does relapse and loses their career or falls into financial hardship. Same with friends and connections you make while sober. Relapsing doesn’t necessarily make those people and connections disappear either. I can understand the idea of not celebrating past sober time after relapsing because it is no longer continuous. But does a relapse erase accomplishments? I would say no, it doesn’t. A lot of those accomplishments could be concrete things, like a GED, college degree, licenses. You don’t have to earn those things again after relapse. For the most part they stick for life.
Comming from me who relapsed September 25th 2026 after 2 years. ..
I went from 2 years to 4 days. A relaps has a few things go self reflect on.
In no way is it glorifying. If i was homeless for the most righteous reason, im still using a porta potty or the local dentest office to go #2
Glorifying a relaps is looking for a excuse to pick up.
I did not lose 2 years worth of skills that worked.
I simply, fked up and lost my streak which then says, i do not know how to be sober longer then 2 years.
At the moment im on day 4, for anything its worth all i know is how to stay sober for 4 days
