I am 2 months sober & struggle a bit with my spouse occasionally having alcohol in the house. He tries to be as respectful as possible by leaving to drink (usually gone 6-8 hours). We don’t keep alcohol in the house. However he feels ‘boxed in’ b/c he can no longer have his friends over to ‘camp out’ & drink anymore. It’s creating a divide & makes me feel lonely.
I also can’t be around his ‘post drink personality’ when he comes home.
Any advice from others that have dealt with this? Thank you!
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Ouch, that does sound frustrating. This question comes up a lot and I will add a thread with lots of links on this topic…perhaps you will find a bit of clarity within there.
I am sorry this is causing a rift. That is certainly understandable as you are on different paths at the moment…I am sure your focus is on staying sober and congrats on your 2 months!!! And he wants life to stay the same and isn’t where you are at. That can be confusing and frustrating and seriously annoying as well. Please know you are not alone in having a spouse who still drinks.
One thing I would suggest is to sit down and have an honest discussion about your dreams, fears and concerns. Best to do when you are both well rested, he isn’t hungover, you both are feeling positive, etc. Sometimes I find writing stuff down beforehand helps me stay on track with what I want to get across. Airing it out can be hard, but can help relieve pressure. I am sure he is worried about losing his drinking friend (you) and the changes in your lives and that is understandable. Hopefully a frank conversation can help you feel more connected.
Here is the thread I mentioned previously…
Keep us posted! 
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Welcome! I’ve been here for only a few months now. I’m almost at 3months so I feel ya. I recently found out my boyfriend bought drinks to have when he’s working in his workshop in the basement. I understand that he didn’t tell me but I feel a little bummed that he went behind my back.
Maybe plan a sober outing with your spouse? Plan a picnic and a hike at a state park? Something you two can do together that can get the endorphins going.
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Welcome Liz. My husband drinks too and it’s so frustrating. He tries to hide it from me but I find empty bottles all over. I can also tell immediately by the way he talks. It’s been challenging trying to do things together as a family. I wanna do sober activities while his agenda is all about drinking. Needless to say, we’ve grown apart over the past year. I’m still holding out hope that he’ll jump on the sobriety train and we’ll find that happiness again. I wish you the best on your sober journey.
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Welcome Liz. My wife drinks too. She has drank every single day of my sobriety. We’re an old married couple so I don’t think we are in the same boat. But I do feel lonely especially in the evenings and at night. But you can’t make someone else not drink. I did talk too her about my sobriety and how important is it to me. Not about her drinking. That’s on her. It must be tough for you though with his buddies coming over and drinking. And ya the post drinking sucks too. At least my wife just goes to sleep on the couch. I’ve gotten strong in my sobriety and people are going to drink and it doesn’t bother me much now. Besides, I get the house and the pets and the TV to myself. I’m grateful for the times we have together before she starts drinking.
Stick around and read some of the great threads on here. Lots of very helpful people around. None of us are alone on this journey.
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