Doing it alone

So I guess I’ll start by telling you who I am my name is Shannon I’m 25 and a student, I also work as a bartender…ya I know. I didn’t have a rough childhood or even a rough upbringing. I had bad times where I trapped myself in a bad relationship, or I as in a car accident, or I was suffering from PTSD and developed anxiety. I was never extraordinary or a stand out in the room, Im just normal. But I’m alone.
I don’t have a group of people I hangout with or those friends you’ve known since childhood. I’ve just never been good at making friends. So now that I want to be sober it’s difficult cause no one know why I am doing it.

Over the last few years the bad things have been piling up and I’ve never been dealing with them, so when I get drunk I normally fall apart cause my walls fall down. I recently lost something, like a big part of me. 4 days later my now ex boyfriend left me because the night before I got drunk and lost it on him for putting me in the position I was in. I spent the summer getting drunk and sleeping around. Classy I know. I recently decided to stop drinking to make myself better. I was almost 10 days and I relapsed this weekend. I want this really badly but I’m alone
I guess I’m writing this hoping someone will read it and want to not be alone with me. I don’t know I guess I’m rambling now.
I just don’t want to be alone in all of this, especially when my demons come out of hiding.

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Your not alone, no body really is…

You have this wonderful community of people pulling for each other.

And if that isn’t enough, don’t be afraid to go to AA meetings. Tons of support there and you can make positive sober relationships.

Good luck, stay strong! And keep coming back!

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Hi there I wanted to respond and follow up with you on a few things that you said:

  • I want you to let go of your idea of what normal is. You say you’ve never been extraordinary or stand out in the crowd but I believe that everyone has their own unique gifts and contributions and just because you may not think of yourself as the social butterfly doesn’t mean that you don’t have something special to offer people. It doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve good relationships. Everyone deserves to be happy and to be loved. Start first with loving yourself!
  • you said you recently lost something close to you - and that begin your downward spiral last time. It’s funny that a lot of addiction or deviant behavior comes from wanting a connection with others. You are strong enough to stay sober and sort it out.
  • remember that you’re never alone if you have this form or if you have meetings
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Youre not alone. Besides here, find an AA meeting or something of the like. You will see you arent alone. No matter what take you there and no matter your level of desire to be there is, if you go with an open mind i promise you will find someone or something that gives you a little more strength to keep at it. I hesitated for many reasons to go but went tonight because i could feel mySelf slipping even with the current supports i have in place. I ended up at a meeting a woman about my age that was 2 1/2 yrs sober and able to guide me to other meetings that may interest me. Now im looking forward to going back. She even offered me her number to call. I was def being looked over tonight. The hardest part is walking in. You can do it!

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Merv. Alcoholic.

Welcome. You are not alone. If you have not done so already, I suggest going to meetings, and you will see this proved to you in real time. If you know you want to be sober and willing to try it, that is a tremendous first step. You have the opportunity to create a group of friends to share everything with. Relapse happens, but it does not have to. Good luck out there, and much love.

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Awesome!

I wish we had a super like button!

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These are some good ideas. I knew I had to replace it with something else, im trying to learn how to play the ukulele and I’m planning on travelling again. But knowing my trigger days might be a good idea. Day 3 I noticed I wanted to drink really badly and definitely this weekend I wanted to drink and ended up doing it. When I hit that reset though it hurt I was mad at myself for drinking. But I’m trying again

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I’ll not be alone with you. I just had to reset my timer . I’m also trying to stop drinking. I have one friend where I live and my husband is a drinker and it’s hard not to do it with him. I didn’t start drinking until I met him and it seemed like the thing to do. I’m 27, have 2 kids and a hubby. I’m a stay at home mom who doesn’t go out or do anything and I would only drink after the kids were asleep and I had that quiet time to myself. I get aggressive and my husband and I fight when we drink together or I just loose it. I’m now trying to rewire my brain to think that spending my quiet time watching a movie is better than on the phone drunk calling my mom and crying.

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AA has changed my life. I’m 25 days sober and they are my support, my sounding board and my friends.

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Minus the kids and the hubby your story sounds so similar to mine. I used to fight with my ex when I would drink or I’d fight with random people that just wanted to help. I really just want someone who I can lean on that needs me as well. We can be in this together .

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The fighting is the worst. I think we all need someone to hold us accountable and to talk to. It’s even better when that person knows what you’re going through or is in the same age range. The hardest part for me is my hubby drinks and I always crave it when he does. But if it’s a night where he’s not then I don’t crave it at all. It’s hard to tell him that he’s my biggest trigger. So far I’ve gotten as far as telling him I don’t want to drink anymore and I don’t want him doing it a lot around me.

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I remember the fighting I always hating having to apologize cause I knew it never took back what happened. If your husband is your trigger, you can call me and we can distract from the cravings. I don’t have many girlfriends so it would be nice just to chat. None of my friends are sober, most love going out and getting wild so I’m totally alone in it. I didn’t have a craving for awhile but now I’m craving especially tonight cause im over thinking things.

You can message me on here anytime. I don’t hang out at the bar or anything and a lot of the friends I had before disappeared because I preferred to stay home.

It sucks when people can’t understand, I have friends that ask what happened to me, and think it’s a joke that I want to make a change like this.

Yeah. I never drank until I met my husband. And when I tell him we should both make a change he says I’m the only one with a problem. I got tired of going to the bars and spending so much time away from home and with fake people who really just wanted me to pay for their drinks. But that’s the only thing we changed was going out. After that we ended up drinking at home and now I want to change that because it’s not good for me or the kids. They never see me drink but they have heard the fights in the middle of the night. I grew up like that and I don’t want them to.

To get through the night tonight and make it to one day I grabbed my daughter and told her we could both use some tlc and have a spa night. Maybe kick back and do a sheet mask or something to help you stop over thinking?

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