So after nearly two years without much dating or interest in the matter I’ve started to dip my toes back in the water. It’s been less than fun…dating sucks in general but now that I’m sober I just feel AWKWARD.
Last night, I had someone whom I had invited to my house, made dinner for and entertained for like 5 hours make me feel like I was boring and no fun. I live in the mountains and I really don’t go out much because….I live in the mountains and away from people. He was like “so is this like a typical night for you?”
I know two years ago, I would have suggested to go to the bar and we both would have gotten wasted and now I guess trying to actually get to know someone and deciding if you actually have something other than alcohol in common makes you boring. I’m not boring, I know I’m not but it truly hurt my feelings that the insinuation was made. Obviously, this dude is not my kind of dude but I’m struggling with the thought that maybe I just don’t know how to date anymore without alcohol.
More people than you think would prefer a home cooked meal and some good conversation over going to just another bar to booze it up. Even people that drink can prefer nights in, good food and conversation.
Your sample size is small so forget this experience and forge onwards and upwards
Yeah I relate. Dating sober is hard. But that guy honestly sounds boring, not you. Sounded like a amazing night that anyone should be grateful to be a part of. You’ll find someone who enjoys all the same stuff as you some day. Keep up the great work being sober much love
Wow you cooked this idiot dinner and you’re sober and you live in the fucking mountains? Wanna go on a date with me??
Maybe there’s a chance to vest them more beforehand, meet for coffee before inviting them to your home and waste all this time and energy on someone who is just… like that.
I like staying in, cooking, and chilling, especially with good company. I wouldn’t worry to much about it. Doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating.
I’m in the same place exactly, haven’t really had much interest in dating for a couple years, I live in the mountains, and what was fun in my 20s isn’t appealing to me anymore. You aren’t boring, you’re comfortable with being comfortable and probably very content. At least I am. I’m sure you have plenty of interests, they just didn’t stick around to find out.
I would love dinner cooked for me and a good conversation. If this guy doesn’t, well, interests and feeling joy are individual. Never mind, keep trying and looking around. It’s absolutely ok how you feel, keep practicing, the akward feeling hopefully fades with more routine and confidence. You are NOT boring, you have your individual interests and comfort zone. I’m sure there will be someone who cherishes you therefore
Try not to beat yourself up over the situation. It’s them; not you. Like others have mentioned, if they are incapable of enjoying what sounds like a fantastic evening with somebody, then it is more telling of their attitude than it is yours.
It may sting, but ultimately, it may have also been a blessing in disguise. You wouldn’t want to get further involved with somebody like this, and then notice this side of their personality further down the line. Keep doing you, and the right person will find you.
Yes, I have experienced this. My wife tells me that nowadays, being sober, I am more serious and quiet than before. So I am a bit boring. But it deserves, because at the same time, there are not arguments, hangovers and wasted days. If someone likes you, likes you sober. Being sober, from my point of view, it is one of the best things we have. We can not renounce to it.
Best regards!
Like others said, it’s them not you.
For me a date with self cooked food in the mountains would be a perfect date. Eating and chatting sober, there is nothing better.
Seriously, I didn’t date for a while now. But I can relate, I had a few dates when ordering water they immediately asked: “don’t you drink” like really? Now that I think back about this, it’s kind of awkward but not me being the awkward one and so aren’t you……
Sounds like a perfect evening. I’m sure its the opposite that it’s him who is uninteresting. I’ve been on a few clean/sober outings with women and we have a great time without sleeping with each other either. If any one of them had a house in the mountains like one of my buddy’s does and I love it there I would have much rather had a night in with conversation and just enjoying each other’s company. Don’t be to hard on yourself you guys just didn’t click it happens. You’ll find someone who enjoys the simple things in life to have a nice day/evening with eventually you’re right where you are supposed to be all in due time.
So just an update if anyone is interested. It was a long wait and not much dating ensued in the last two years but I met someone who doesn’t think I’m boring and actually appreciates the way I live my life. Best things about it? I met them IN THE WILD. Yes, without a dating app amazingly and they are also SOBER! I feel so incredibly lucky and accepted to have met this person. Thanks to everyone who listens to me gripe about someone who obviously wasn’t worth my time
Damn bro, sounds like he’s a real moron. I don’t drink anymore and my wife does occasionally. You need to find someone who doesn’t just want a drinking partner. Imo life is more fun without being tied to a case of beer…Also, we still go to bars and concerts and have fun. You don’t need to be drunk to do that.
I understand this too much. I think that mindset just turns us to quick experiences instead of actual moments we can rely on. Even though I am not a woman, I got Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker recently cause it looks like it talks about drinking culture extensively.
you’re right where you are supposed to be all in due time.
