You need to remember that its going to take a while for your mind to get use to working without the need of an escape. It takes time to get use to feeling AND DEALING with emotions. I remember crying at random moments early in my recovery, im 3 years sober now and i can tell you its not perfect but I DEFINITELY have a better handle on my emotions and how i deal with them. Also try to focus more on others and service works, sometimes just stepping out of our heads and being their for others help us in unexpected ways… .it sounds like you might still be mad at yourself and havent fully forgiven yourself…helpings others will remind you that you ARE A GOOD PERSON WORTHY OF REDEMPTION. You may be blessed in so many areas but you’re still human and you still deal with sadness, anger and other negative emotions…BUT THE KEY IS THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH IT…this " Long posts " you wrote is a sign of improvement my friend because the alternative was you giving up and using…Or worst…be proud of yourself for coming on here and venting and opening up…thats growth…and there’s many on here that are willing to hear you out …its a war and we are all brothers and sisters in arm 
…fighting the same enemy. Stay strong and keep pushing forward.
You’re not alone brother. All those feelings are legitimate.
Hey, 5 weeks is 5 weeks, buy yourself a cake, sure maybe you don’t have someone you WANT to share it with right this second, but one thing we have to learn is how to be kind to ourselves. Buy yourself a big ass ice cream cake. Seriously, and know that if I were there I’d demolish the mofo right with you. But, since I cant, do it for me.
But don’t ever feel alone, it’s hard to say words to relate to another person online, yeah a lot of it is the saccharin sweet heard it 2000 times already goo muck. But what matters is that we’re all here for you and we all care. I do, seriously. You’re never alone my friend.
In February, I was feeling this way. I shared it in a meeting and they reminded me I was a few weeks away from 2 years sober. I felt better after. In our meeting last night, one of the ladies with 30+ years brought up that she was feeling like what you are describing. Someone in the group brought up recovery fatigue. It’s real. Finding a balance is the key. And you also might remember that finishing the steps isn’t a race. We are on this path for life. There is no race to the finish. I’m really excited for your 
.
Have gratitude and keep going to meetings until you get it like they do. You don’t have to be strong, you just have to be willing. The stuff you did wrong when drunk will be easier for you to deal with when you get more distance and have a better perspective, and a better perspective does come. Stick with it, don’t give up, especially on yourself.
I’m at 21 yrs I’m still a new comer