Since I’m sure 9 months from now a bunch of babies will be coming into this world, I have a real fear of being intimate without being under the influence of either alcohol or drugs. I can’t remember the last time I did totally sober and clean! Does anybody else ever feel this way or has dealt with this issue? 
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I haven’t entertain the thought for over 2 years. In early sobriety I was feeling all the things and wanted so bad to have this type of intimacy, until I realized it would be terrible for me! I’m extremely codependent, I have a savior complex, and I decided one day that I didn’t want to risk walking that road. I’m barely starting to get that feeling like I want to give it a go again, and yes, it’s terrifying! Maybe I’ll just stay single forever. 
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It’s in the long lists of scared firsts. Just the most vulnerable I think. Like you’re starting all over. I’m trying to focus on a lot of change. I certainly think I’m capable. Love the person your with.
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Definitely. I’m in a long standing and strong relationship but intimacy and sex have been linked with alcohol for me from the very start, since before I knew my partner, and have over the years become a tenor in my current relationship too. We are taking things easy atm, I feel like I need to rebuild my entire approach to all that, with sobriety. I’m excited to do so, but obvs terrified that it will not work, be awkward, impossible, boring, dangerous, what if I can never feel comfortable with all that sex stuff again 
(but was I ever, if I had to get drunk for it lol…!) You’re not alone with this problem!
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Thank for sharing this thread,it’s very taboo subject but I feel alot of us addicts suffer from this fear for sure I know I do 
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100% same here! Dating is a huge trigger for me. It’s a free for all when I drink, but sober it’s just crazy. I can’t do it. Well, when comfortable enough with someone I can. But a new person, ugh, don’t know.
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I’ve gone from ‘Sex Pest’ to ‘Celibate old man’
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When you say it’s difficult to be intimate, do you mean in ways other than sex as well?
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Yes and no. I feel like when the time comes and it’s the right person I’ll be ok, I know this because it’s happened in the past, although it was a long time ago.
It’s better this way as i really feel like sober me will be totally unable to rush into anything sexual with another person, and I sort of like that as it acts like a safety net.
For the most part, all random sexual encounters brought me was heartache (I have a habit of growing attached to unsuitable people simply due to the fact we’ve had sex: yes i know, why have sex with unsuitable people in the first place?) trouble, self loathing and confusion.
Im glad that’s something I won’t be dealing with anymore.
So yeah it’s a worry in the sense that I won’t have the safety veil of alcohol next time it happens, but I feel like when it does, it’ll (hopefully) be with someone worthwhile and be a more meaningful experience (and one that I remember!)
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I’m scared that I’m not able to actually try pick up a girl since I ‘m sober. Not sure if I want to try it. Also 4 years ago my relationship fell apart and not much sober intimancy since 
So I feel kinda rusty. At least I’ m sober and this is my main goal now I guess.
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I’m going through the same thing with my GF. All I wanted to do when I was using was have sex with her but now I have no desire for it. I’m hoping I didn’t ruin my libido by all my meth use. 
. Its definitely a trigger because I want to have a sexual relationship with her because I love her and we have a child together.
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Thankful I stumbled across this thread. Same concerns over here. Physical intimacy is a HUGE part of my marriage and I’m terrified that my sobriety will affect it.
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In my sobriety I have found sex hard. If you’ll forgive me for being very upfront here, I have found it hard to reach orgasm. Which is a little embarrassing. I am finding that I have to loosen the rigid ideas of what sex is or should be, and just try to settle into nonjudgmental, peaceful touch. For so long I’ve lived in these rigid routines, like I was performing an act. I am tired of the routines, but I don’t (yet) have a replacement for them.
I am working on it though. Trying to be kind and caring with myself and my partner, and not to have expectations. There have been some very good moments. For me the most important part has been paying attention to myself, and letting go of ideas of “it should be this” or “I have to do ____”. That has created space for growth.
This is a really good thread @kylecosby1981 - thanks for opening the discussion!
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I had a hard enough time being intimate when drunk…I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it in sobriety.
But at the moment…I’m okay with that. I don’t know if I need it. I want comfortable companionship at this point in my life. That’s enough.
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Really well described Matt. I can relate to your entire post! Thanks 
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How so? How are those moments challenging?
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Just the newness of it and not being messed up many worries. Most addicts don’t like themselves anyway and don’t feel worthy fully clothed! Lol
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Hey, same here…heheheh I was 14 months sober and still same s#&$. Then because of that I relapsed. For me sex and alcohol go hand in hand. If I’m thinking about sex immediately I want to drink, and when I think about alcohol I think about sex…crazy…that’s a biggest trigger for Me. In a Big Book is says it’s normal, but even there they recommend if it’s not go away in couple months they recommend professional help.
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Did you not have intimacy, sexually or platonically, before using?
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Yes but it’s been so long since I wasn’t using. I started when I was 18.