Well, shit I’m back on day one.
My relapse lasted 3 weeks. I had over 30 days under my belt. My life is and has been chaos.
I don’t have a great relationship with my stepchildren, not from a lack of trying. They are older than my children, and I have never tried to be their mother, but just wanted to be respected. My stepchildren hardly ever come around, especially now that they are grown. My husband’s relationship is very strained with them as well. They typically come around when they need money. And then we don’t hear from them. I physically start shaking when they come over because I’m so nervous. I don’t know what to say, what to do. Half the time they don’t even acknowledge me. They never talk to my girls who are younger. They don’t even exist in their eyes.
So when my 22 year old stepdaughter who is 7 months pregnant came over 3 weeks ago with her boyfriend because she got kicked out of her Moms house. This was a HUGE trigger. I was over 30 days clean. I told my husband I was worried about my sobriety. Worried about my home, my kids, our relationship.
Neither of them have a job, or a car, and this baby will be here in less than 11 weeks.
They moved in. I found pills. First night I took half. I told myself that was it. It wasn’t.
Next day I took two, breaking them in half each time. I felt my head being fuzzy…blurry…and I didn’t like it. But each day I kept doing it. Every night I would say tomorrow I will stop. I didn’t.
I hated hiding it from my husband. I told my counselor.
Well my husband noticed. Found the pills. Took them. I knew it was going to happen. Only a matter of time.
He is not being supportive. He told me I deserve to feel awful during this detox. We argued all day because I asked when his daughter and boyfriend were going to get a job (because the agreement was 2 weeks…and its been 3 weeks). He said I needed to say something to them. I don’t feel like it’s my place.
Anyways there is so much more going on in my life. My work schedule keeps changing because of COVID19 and people being off. My own daughter who is 12 was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD from a trauma that happened to her when she was 5.
My entire life is all messed up. And I’m drowning. I just want a little love, a little support.
Today I actually had thoughts of just dying. I feel low. Very low.
Thanks for listening.
June, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Just awful and lots of stress. Please know I’m sending prayers of support for you and your daughter.
I am so very sorry for what you are going through right now. I agree with you. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to make sure the two guests are abiding by the rules. It should be her father doing it. I know it sucks that you aren’t getting the support you would like but maybe try to see it through his eyes. I don’t know your circumstances but for me, those closest to me lost all patience with my drinking and using. It didn’t matter if I felt justified or not. I need them to be understanding but I must also give them the same. I hope you know you aren’t alone in this. What is done is done. Pick up the pieces and start again. We have all fallen it’s what we do after that will make the difference.
Oh my dear June. I wish I could take it all away from you. But I can’t so I’ll give you some big virtual hugs A very wise Irishman told me very early on, here on TS, that your sobriety is number one. Above all else, you have to make it a priority. I know it’s rough with so much going on. But, I know now, he’s right. We are here for you and you’re not alone. PM me if you need someone to talk to. Sending you strength
@June33. So sorry for your stressful, difficult times.
This is the one thing you can manage. I hate to use the word control…but the other stressors aren’t in your control. Think of how good the 30 days felt. Think of how lousy you feel now. Keep coming here for support.
I would agree. It’s not your place. Your place is being clean and sober, to be a supportive wife to an unsupportive husband, and a good mum to your children.
Still, a bit of grace towards your husband, while a huge sacrifice I admit, would be supportive. Is his concern focused on bailing out an irresponsible adult child from a position of guilt, or is it concern for his unborn grandchild? With his daughter so close to her due date, is it feasible for her to get a job right now? I mean, who would hire someone in her condition? Would it be better to impress upon the boyfriend to “man-up”, get a job and start providing for his growing family? Are there other ways that the daughter can contribute, such as taking care of some of the household chores? I mean in “traditional” households, expectant mothers still take care of their other children and manage the household, so hardly unreasonable for your husband to expect this of his daughter, and for you to expect him to insist he makes this a condition of their staying.
We aren’t expecting my stepdaughter to get a job. We asked the boyfriend to get a job since he has a baby coming and they are expensive!
According to my stepdaughters Mom she got him a job at her factory but he couldn’t pass the drug test.
We have already discussed that if you have no income, then you certainly don’t have money for pot.
As for my stepdaughter she literally said “I’m pregnant, this shit is hard” so all she does is sleep. She demands that her boyfriend makes her food, every single time she eats, she sits and watches him cook, do the dishes, and then goes and lays back down.
It’s a shit show. I really feel so bad for this baby.
Thank you all for the support! This is what I needed.
My husband did apologize today, and we seem to be communicating better today.
I know he’s frustrated when he sees me relapse. I know he doesn’t know what to do. I’m just hoping we can build off of this and continue to grow as I get stronger in my sobriety.
I wish I could take it all away from you. But I can’t so I’ll give you some big virtual hugs 
A very wise Irishman told me very early on, here on TS, that your sobriety is number one. Above all else, you have to make it a priority. I know it’s rough with so much going on. But, I know now, he’s right. We are here for you and you’re not alone. PM me if you need someone to talk to. Sending you strength 
