Ugh this is exhausting. Made it another week and last evening, just got so overwhelmed and anxious that i drank and for what, all it did was make it worse. Nothing crazy happened other than i got drunk and politely went to bed. Im beyond angry at myself, I know i have used alcohol as a coping mechanism for my anxiety and all this week i have implemented healthy coping mechanism but yesterday was just alot and my post partum was bad. And frankly i just snapped. Why do i always resort to drinking when things get to stressful for me. Im in therapy and seeing my therapist tomorrow so i will bring it up during out session. But just sitting here in anguish knowing my husband mad and feeling like the absolute worse mother in the world.
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Welcome to Talking Sober Kayla. Happy to have you here with all of us. For me being amongst my peers was absolutely critical in making sobriety stick. And I found that companionship right here. Maybe this place can offer that to you as well. I hope so.
This is such a supportive place, well of course the people here are. So try us out! Support yourself and others, share your story and read about other peoples journeys, learn as knowledge is power. We’re in this together. maybe next time you crave badly you can come here and ask for help. That action alone has saved many from relapsing.
Wishing you all success on your journey and welcome again 
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Welcome to the talking sober family. Nice to meet you.
I think there is a big difference between not drinking and sobriety. The first is just what it says: you don’t drink! And that’s the easy part. Sobriety however means not drinking AND being able to cope with everyday life without wishing for something to drown it all out.
The first thing you can do, you’ve already done it. Now you have to learn the second part, the sobriety part of it. Your therapist is a good start. AA is out there (other groups are available). And this community is a great help. With people from around the world, no matter what time of day or night, you never have to wait long for a response.
Read around, ask questions, take part, check in, be accountable. Fill your own toolbox with coping mechanisms to fit your own personal needs and you will find the days stacking up and becoming milestones to celebrate.
ODAAT
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Thank you! Appreciate the response, i don’t know why i didn’t reach out. I wasn’t thinking about it in the moment… but that will change! I need the support, I can’t do this alone.
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I agree and well said. I want to be sober and ready to make changes! Need the support, i know i cant do this alone. Thank you for the response!
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Support is here when you need it. Someone in the TS family is always online
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Hi Kayla,
I am sorry if my response isnt perfectly sensical i am just waking up but saw your post & wanted to reach out straight away.
Post partum is a very difficult and isolating experience, and while we are talking about it more (sure) then we used to we’re not really euipped yet as a society for supporting mothers as they are going through it. Aside from go to therapy, here are some meds. The factors that cause post partum are often personal, but many are very social and isolation, those around you not knowing how to help etc., is also what helps to cause and maintain PPA & PPD. Im saying this not to launch on a lecture but because the current framong of PPA & PPD is VERY medicalized and individualized as though the issue is with the mother - the issue, in large part, are social conditions that leave mothers isolated and misunderstood and uncared for as they have children. Me saying this in HOPES to crack a little bit on the part of you that i imagine feels devastated, frustrated and low about yourself.
And then, the issue of drinking or relapsing is SO very common for women in post partum period and this is something that is - sure - mentioned, but there is not really that much talk or supports in place for women who struggle with substance use who are about to have a child. My story is that I was sober for 10 years, in an amazing place (through A LOT of self work, 5 years in AA, 5 years after AA still sober, happy and evolving, therapy to address particular issues, husband who is amazing, etc etc). I was in a place in life where my self confidence was quite there, and this took a lot of work for me as someone who hadnt had that. I didnt just quit drinking for 10 years, I was sober and especially during the latter 5 years I was happy, joyous and free (i mean to a degree nothing is perfect!) And we were very excited for our daughter, ready and had planned to be parents, etc. Im jist tryingbto say like conditions in my life were pretty awesome and I was so excited 
We did have a high risk pregnancy, so that was very stressful and I had to leave work 2 months early bc they thought she wasnt growing (fear/anxiety). During my pregnancy my doctor had tried to gently talk to me about PP but I was like nah not me, im so happy. I have always had anxiety (functional) and insomnia but Im in a great place dont bother me with all this.
And BOOM. It was best I can describe, a switch. I have already rambled on so I will not anymore, but that was such an intensley difficult year and I relapsed. It felt so out of the blue and I didnt understand what was wrong with me because i was so ready & happy…i didnt look like PPD and didnt know what PPA was, and I definitly had that. Anyway, you are NOT alone in this. Women with any kind of substance challenge experience this, and its one of our most vulnerable times for relapse especially bc PP hits you lioe a ton of bricks. Xo. If you ever want to talk please feel free to reach out and just know you got a fellow warrior thinking of you & sending all my strength. Xo.
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I messaged you, thank you so much for your reply!