Drank last night. Went to a party and was expected to drink and I did. I don’t know if I can go to parties anymore. How do y’all still socialize with friends and not drink when they want you to?
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The only thing my friends did was drink, so when I quit drinking, I stopped hanging out with them. Turned out they were only drinking buddies, not real friends, so really nothing of value was lost.
After a while, I made some sober friends and socializing is so much better now because of that.
This is not something a “friend” should ever expect from you. If you want to live a sober life, this is the kind of toxicity you have to cut out, for your own sake.
The thing is, nothing changes if nothing changes; you gotta make those hard changes to be successful.
Sobriety is more than just not drinking, it’s a lifestyle change. It’s about learning and personal growth. Its about acceptance and learning to live life on life’s terms.
Keep at it.
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So, In my journey I skipped those events. If my “friends” expected me to drink…they weren’t my friends.
Those that cared about me…we found non drinking things to do.
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At this point (49 days sober) I avoid them. Currently my husband and friends are across the street drinking. I’m at home watching the kids swim, while reading a book.
I could go join them, and try to not drink, but why put myself in that position… it will suck being around drunks. Or I’ll regret my decisions tomorrow.
So avoid it. Honestly I’m a bit annoyed that my husband went over there but this sobriety journey is mine.
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This brings to mind the saying of if you hang out at the barber shop long enough, you’ll end up with a haircut.
For me, it was a lifestyle change. It HAD to be or I was going to die, just like my dad and my aunt did that I visited at the cemetery yesterday.
I stopped hanging out with friends that our only past time was drinking. My real friends and I (like, 2 of them vs the numerous I thought were friends) were able to actually connect even better without alcohol involved. Everyone else really wasnt a true friend-like Dan said, they were my drinking buddies.
It took me a while because I wasn’t willing to change a lot so I became a hermit and stayed home a lot, but eventually I ended up working a program to change mysef and now I have more friends who help me to live in my sobriety and the solution vs the hell I was in before. But for me I had to finally become willing to let that old life go. Nothing changes if nothing changes and I really needed a change. 
I’m glad you’re back!
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Hi
I hope you are feeling better now.
I encourage you to learn more about the sobriety journey. If you learn a lot about how the brain functions (and doesn’t) with and without alcohol, it will be easier to understand what is happening in a drinking situation.
I encourage you to understand that it is a healing journey to go from drinking to being happy and healthy because you don’t drink. It means you make a lot of changes in your life. You learn new habits and new ways to manage anxiety and stress. And you find out that a lot of stress and anxiety will actually go away if you work well on your recovery and get alcohol out of your body and your habits.
That being said, the early parts of the journey seem to go best if we take a real break from drinking situations while we are changing our habits and learning a lot about ourselves. Somewhere in that process we learn to make a plan for ourselves for the times when alcohol is socially present and others are drinking around us. We have words ready to say, alternative beverages in hand, and a plan to exit and take good care of ourselves. It takes a while and it takes some practice. In that process we find out who our actual friends are versus our fellow drinkers and likely fellow addicts. Yikes. That can be hard.
A lot of people take 6 months to a year to make those changes and form new habits. During that time and for however long you want, you can attend AA meetings, participate on this forum, join other groups that support sobriety, or do an independent study by reading a lot in the field or listening to a lot of audiobooks and podcasts. Many people who do this learning are thrilled to discover that leaving drinking behind brings more time, energy, money, and healthy fun. Some people have to do some work on the issues that let them get into trouble with alcohol.
No one seems to express regret that they no longer drink.
For me it was all of that and a real change in mindset. Annie Grace’s book, “This Naked Mind” helped me a lot. There is a ton of material out there that can help you.
At 940 days sober I do go to social events and I do not drink. I have fun. I spend time with my actual friends who support my sobriety and respectfully refrain from getting too crazy while I am around. I leave at an earlier hour than I did before because I love my excellent sleep patterns and don’t need to be around if people are getting too crazy. Last summer I celebrated my son’s wedding and had an amazing time. Yes, I was aware of exactly what everyone around me was drinking, but with a fresh beverage in my hand, I really was fine.
And I was not worried about what I said or did or how I drove home. I slept well and got to enjoy the next day too!
All that being said, you can tell that I’m not a super young person, so I don’t really have the concerns of feeling like I’m missing out. “I’ve had plenty” is one thing I can say if people want to ask why I don’t drink. Finding amazing ways to spend your time will help to alleviate the concerns about what to do now that you are a person who doesn’t drink.
Is it easy? Not really. It takes energy and effort.
Is it worth it? Absolutely. Ultimately your life depends on it in one way or another. Allow yourself the freedom that comes with ending the grip of alcohol. You will be amazed at what your life can become.
I wish you the best and thank you for reading this far. Go for it!!
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Pretty great replies here which I agree with. When I was finally serious about being sober people, places and things had to change.
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I tried to avoid drinking situations when I was newly sober, except things I absolutely had to go to like a family birthday party. And then when I went to those, I had a plan, someone I could text or call and allowing myself to escape for 5 or 10 minutes if I had to. Good job coming back here. Keep checking in.
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Thank you all for the support and advise. I will have to learn to stick to my guns and just not go if I feel like I have to drink to fit in. The leaving early advise is 
! I would def have to leave before folks got drunk. And I love my sleep so… I was up until the a.m. last night and I am so tired today that I’ve stayed in bed.
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Its advised to avoid any drinking places in early sobriety as its to soon to venture into these situations. maybe try a meeting might help wish you well
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