I have never thought of alcohol as something that I had an issue with. I always thought, I can handle myself. Last Thursday, it changed when I drank way too much and just hopped in my car to go home like it was perfectly normal. I managed to get home unscathed, both myself and my car. But i am just being torn apart from the guilt and why i had to do it? Why i just didnt order an Uber? I am thankful I didn’t get pulled over, but I have been looking over my shoulder expecting a cop to come to my house and just take me away, take me away from my life. I just have glimpses of the way home and dont know what 100% happened, and it terrifies me. I am honestly just scared and wish I could jump back to Thursday and just stay home. How do I tell myself that I am “safe” so that I can hopefully make meaningful changes to my life going forward?
Just be glad you didnt hurt yourself or anyone else. Then just never do it again. Thats all you really can do.
I relasped last night and luckily all i did was drunk call a bunch of people. I have had two duis. Both times i actually wasnt driving when caught. I was sleeping in my car in a parking lot. But, the key was in the ignition and car was running. I had the heat on. It was winter. I understsnd the guilt of making it home but feeling guilty cause you know you did something stupid.
I have 3 dwis. Believe me i had guilt each time, but everytime i drank i always managed to drive. At parties id always be the cool guy who could drive everyone into the woods and have a bomb fire and blare music and then drive everyone home wasted, id have 4 kids in the back of my truck drifting being stupid. So grateful i didnt kill anyone, my 1st dwi i was 17. Second i was like 19 almost ran a cop over and somehow he saw me the next morning getting off duty as i was going home. My third i was 22 and passed a two cops doing like 100 on a double yellow line, i didnt even realize it was cops i was so drunk. Even then i didnt think i was in the wrong i rolled my window up on them and refused any test, got a lawer and actually was winning the case, but my addiction dove further and i continued partying and couldnt afford the lawyer anymore. Just give the drinkint up its not worth it
First, I appreciate your feelings and can identify fully. At first I did too, then after hundreds of times of driving lit/buzzed/shitty drunk I can say that I felt like “fuck it” I’m a good driver when I’m fucked up! --wrong…
Now I can sound like a substance use counselor or a fellow. I prefer fellow. So If your drinking is about the effect, that’s known as problem drinking and if done long enough alcoholic drinking will ensue.
This is a fact. Didn’t make it up and if ask a building full of alcoholics who can be honest they’ll say the same.
If you can have 1 and be done, you may have some control. If not, best to drop the drink as it will only lead to misery in many different ways.
Wishing you the best friend. Let it go, you can’t change the past…none of us can.
Actually one drinking and driving afternoon was the switch die me to damit I was an alcoholic and can never control the drinking. I Had 6 beers, drove, had still 2 Beers at home and next day flew an aircraft, being a Pilot of a small plane. And it hit me. Wtf am I doing? Rinsking my whole life, all my dreams, my goals, loads of Money. Luckiky never got caught nor bumped, but it was a wake Up call after 20 years of pretty heavy drinking and functioning in society. Its my 34 days sober.
I’m not sure what your question is. If you are investigating whether sobriety is the path you want to walk, you’re welcome to look around here and try some of the suggestions. Most suggestions are predicated on staying abstinent in order to be effective.
If you’re looking for help to get and stay sober, well there is plenty on offer here for that as well.
Scaring yourself with a gray-out and doing things contrary to your principles is a clear warning of the dangers ahead. What you might not realize is that those dangers, those consequences are closer and stronger than you think. It starts with us doing things that eat away at our ethics and morals and the subsequent guilt and shame. It ends badly, in all cases. No exceptions.
I pray you find your way. Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
I had a similar experience many years ago now - argument with my girlfriend at the time led to driving home around 1am after way too much alcohol
Roads were empty, except from a police car which started following me. I was convinced this was going to be it - loss of license, big fine, shame, embarrassment, all the rest that does with doing such a stupid thing
The police cars siren and lights went on - and I began to pull over - only for the police car to zoom past and on to what must have been a more urgent call
I was so lucky and it led me to never do anything like that again. Didn’t stop my drinking, but it stopped me doing that at least
I can relate to yoru concerns, guilt and worries. There were 2 times that i can recall driving under the influence. On one occasion i was drunk and high on cocaine, driving at like 3am, when a cop car pulled up next to me at a stop light, looked at me while i smiled away like nothing was happening. Scared the shit out of me. And the other time i almost rear-ended a bus bcuz i was high on extacy. My bf at the time was with me and thankfully he grabbed the wheel and turned it fast enough to avoid hitting the bus that had stopped to pick up passengers. Thankfully no one was hurt.
Honestly i felt such guilt and stupidity for doing that. To this day i am embarassed for getting behind the wheel of my car and driving. We cant change the past but we certainly have control over what we do in the present. Just make sure it never happens again. The best thing that ever happened to me was to get rid of my vehicle. I was not responsible enough to own one and i knew that. Now a days being clean and sober, that would be a different story. But back then i didnt trust myself enough to drive sober. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if something had happened to someone else or myself bcuz if my toxic driving.