Hi everyone,
I just joined this group but have known that my drinking is out of control for years now and have wanted to stop for awhile. I have no issue abstaining when with others and out having fun.
I think my issue is i don’t want to be alone with myself and have used alcohol as my companion.
Growing up I spent a lot of time alone. I lived with my father from 12-20 and as he didn’t want his marriage to his affair partner to be impacted. I had to eat by myself, wasn’t welcome to watch TV in the same room, heck, even my shoes weren’t allowed on the same mat. if you walked into that house and the door was closed to my room, you would have no idea a child lived there. Since they worked in the hospitality industry It could be weeks without them speaking to me at all.
So i started drinking and smoking weed at a young age and it just continued. However, as I got older it shifted from partying with friends to drinking when i was alone so i could just live inside my head. have booze keep me company so i wasn’t alone.
i have found a meeting near me that I will attend after work tomorrow and am going to start daily walks to occupy myself but was wondering if anyone thought they had similar motivation. I know doing this is only compounding the isolation but after work when i am alone it is hard to not fall into the booze companion comfort. Any advice on what to do so i don’t go back to the bottle that is destroying my well being?
I feel this. Good for you for stopping.
Welcome Nadia! I can relate. You’ve come to the place for support, encouragement and advice.
Glad you’re here! Oddly enough alcohol releases some of the same neurochemicals that companionships and love do. Your brain can literally be “in love” with it. A lot of people talk about booze like a breakup.
I did volunteering and meetups and it didn’t click for me. There were deeper issues I had to address I guess.
Or when have time excricse or go Aa meeting or gym
Hi, actually same here, well not exactly but rather on being alone vs alcohol and that emptiness I felt before a relapse. My life without alcohol is certainly better, in all ways, but it’s a struggle from time to time when you don’t have a partner and/or you are in a situation when too much of dopamine is released in body and suddenly you desire for more and solves it by drinking alcohol and here you go, relapse again.
Make new friends at the meeting maybe get together for coffee or outings wish you well
Hey mate, I grew up in a very similar situation. My dad was very distant. In a home with 5 males (dad and 3 older brothers), I was not to be heard or seen for fear of being beaten up. Only since talking to a psychologist do I now I realise how lonely I truly was. Speaking with the psych really helped validate my feelings.
Since being a teenager, when I was alone, or felt alone, my thoughts would run wild with negative, anxious or depressed thoughts. I sub-conciously learnt that when I drank alcohol, those thoughts dissipated. I didnt realise all I was doing was hiding from my true feelings and thoughts. Alcohol became this weapon I used against my own brain.
The biggest issue was that when I was drinking by myself, not only did my negative thoughts reduce, but so did my inhibitions. I would message people I shouldn’t, say or do things I shouldn’t, or get black out drunk to the point I don’t remember anything from the previous day.
While sobriety is allowing for the lonely feeling to creep in, I can now look at that feeling with a clear head and make a choice on what to do. I believe I need to learn to love myself and my own company, be a better person, and not be on the constant search to fill the void with other people or alcohol.
If I’m drinking, I can’t make these choices to try and be a better person. So at the very least, sobriety is actually that first real step to being comfortable around yourself and reducing your loneliness. Alcohol only ever masks an issue and prevents you from solving the root cause of a problem.
I’d recommend seeing a psychologist if you can, or at least connecting with a councillor so you can have these conversations.
Glad to have you here mate!
Thanks everyone, for taking the time to reply.
I have been in therapy for a couple of years after the loss of my brother but I really wish I had of gone years ago…I had that out dated small town mentality that it was BS and I was doing fine…yeah, I wasn’t, I was abusing alcohol regularly but when that is what you grew up around and what you see when you go home you justify it. The good ole ‘while at least I am not them, I have it under control’. I didn’t.
I recently went back home and it was scary how hard everyone was hitting well, everything they could get their hands on. Hearing stories of the people that have recently died etc.
Alcohol and drugs are lousy companions…and they will take everyone else away if you let them.
It’s time for me to stop. First meeting tonight.
Let us know how the meeting goes.
I found it an easy way to be around people without having to get too close in the beginning, then started to go for a coffee after the meeting with people, you don’t even really have to talk but just being around others is a start.
Are you Aussie, just curious because of your user name.
Meeting went well. Actually did a smart one online to ease myself into it. Amazing how many similarities we all have regardless of our drug of choice.
And Nah, just up here in the great white north stealing the names of cute critters.
That’s great? I think whatever helps us realise we aren’t alone is a positive.
Ha ha fair enough 
I would think most addicts feel lonely especially as the addiction progresses but early sobriety can be even lonelier and that’s where your meetings are going to be important, these people know you, they get it. Took others to let me know I’m not alone and then it took a program to work on myself because I had to start liking myself again before I could take care of myself again. Eventually other peoples opinions won’t concern you, you will know your worth. One day you will be enough. ( You already are you just don’t know it yet)