26 Days clean as of Jan. 31st follow my soberism below in the comments, thank you guys for support. Along with the support of some friends i have in my area helping and supporting
Hey, Im Damian and ive been struggling with addiction to Cocaine and semi-Addicted to Alcohol. Here is my story, what I did, and How I helped myself and how I help myself daily along with the everyday struggles.
What really got me to where I am is simply me. I got myself to where I am, the addiction was my fault and I admit it. Ive been addicted to Cocaine for under a year but its really been out of hand to the point where I broke down and balled my eyes out and screamed for help, more on one occasion.
On 1-4-2019 I self admitted myself to the Emergency room, I was high as hell and had alcohol in my system, I walked in, went to the desk and said “Id like to check myself in as an addict” The lady simply asked for my date of birth, and first and last name and I was admitted immediatley. I had to do it, I need a future, I want kids, I knew I needed to ask for help.
Not even 5 minutes went by and I was called in by a nurse. She asked me “what brought you in today” I replied “Cocaine Addiction” she asked me a few more questions, how much I took, last time I used, Etc.
After the questionnaires she hooked me me up to a monitor and my heart rate was high, it was 130 beats per minute, maybe a touch more. She took blood pressure and made sure id be ok in the room.
a little time went by and the Doctor came in, he wanted me to do a drug test for him and I said sure, drank a little water and I filled the cup up to the top. Of course it came back positive for cocaine usage, I stopped smoking marijuana because itd ruin my coke high.
The doctor asked me if I ever had a heart attack, I said no. He said I was on the right path to having one. I cried in the room and told him its extremley hard to come down off cocaine and I tried making a newyears resolution for it and failed a few days later. He told.me “I couldn’t imagine what youre going through right now” He appreciated I was asking for help, He suggested Detox to me and I said yes.
After I said yes to Detox, He made contact with a Detox center which was actually nice, the food was trash there though. He came back about 20 minutes later and said that the Detox center would take me in and that id be transported down there, about an hour drive. I signed my papers to voluntarily go, I had no hesitation, all I asked is if it was jail which it wasnt. I signed immediatley to go.
Thirty minutes passed by and the police came to transport me from the hospital to the Detox center. This was the first time ive ever been handcuffed and been in a transport belt. The officer was extremley nice, and understood and appreciated me getting help voluntarily. I got searched in front of his squad car, fingers locked ontop of my head, legs spread and patdown head to shoes to toe in the hospital ambulance garage and then put in the back of his car and the journey began.
Its absolutely crazy the thoughts that went through my head being cuffed, its not my first time in a cop car, but first time being cuffed. I realized that I wasnt going to jail and I took my bible with for comfort which the thought of both helped. I realized i could been going to jail or prison for the amountof cocaine i would have on me at some points, and all it would have taken is a little bag, I had more than a little bag at time. Especially a weekend.
Why I had to do something about my life is simple. Either Die of a massive heart attack, get in a fight at a bar over rowdy people if I said no I dont have coke on me because I usually did but they treated me like trash so I wouldn’t sell them any, Or chase fake happiness.
I was tired of chasing 15 - 30 minutes of happiness, line after line when I knew I could chase real world happiness. The cocaine Ive done is usually all for free because I delt alot of it, Id pickup a quarter oz, then it turned into a half oz, then it almost turned into a full oz of cocaine i was picking up on a weekend or in a week in total. Spending over a grand of other peoples money to get what they wanted so i could get for free and drink for free because I thought people appreciated me for it, I know everyone i delt with on a personal level which makes this all alot harder. I got few people I sold to that i didnt really know, but I knew people that they knew. Which is also just as hard. Just to think tbis all started from just picking up a ball a week for a couple people is crazy. I was getting known, and popular as a guy who can get you cocaine.
I couldnt handle the stress, the anxiety anymore. Ive been sober since the 5th around noon when everything was worn off my mind. I checked into detox around 5:30am still high.
What’s helping me cope with this is the very wierd events that had gone on in this past week. I had a sober girl, although she was drinking said some real shit to me in my face at the bar outside. I was in tears, i was never like that in a bar. I had another girl a couple previous days before tell me to get a doctor’s appointment. that friday night at the bar, helped me alot. If i wasnt there and didnt get some real shit said to me by someone ive never met or seen in the bar before Id still be screwing around.
I went the extra step and did what I did that night as I said above.
I spent about 51 hours in Detox, and Im so glad I did. I met alot of great people, mostly alcoholics. but we all could relate. They had an AA meeting there my last night, I could of had went to my room and shut the door, it wasnt required to go to it but everyone that I sat around at the TV with went to the meeting, I got off my chair and said I need to go over there and sit down because i need to do something with my life.
I have support lines now, I have recommendations from people I never met, I have all the help that I need now that I never knew was so simple to get. Its so so SO simple to ask for help and to get it. I was amazed by how easy it is and how my state will literally pay your bills for an addiction because you need help. Bills as in treatment and covering the cost of Detox if you qualify for the “Rule 25” which I did.
The morning I left detox I got a loud knock on my door with the nurse saying its time to go! I was so happy to go, but I wanted to stay so bad with the friends I made there to continue to talk to them and about life and watch tv with. I wasnr lonely in there at all. At home I am, and thats whats going to make it tough for me. Those people in Detox became family to me. I wanted to hear more from them. I will ALWAYS remember there names and there stories.
I couldnt beleive the toughest decision in my life happened to be such a blessing to me in the end.
I got my stuff, signed release paper, put on my shoes and called a taxi to take me back to my car an hour away, 140 dollar ride Uber would of been much cheaper but the crazy thing is they only accept debit card and credit card but all i had on me was cash.
The crazier thing is, the talk me and my taxi driver had, his name was Arthur and I will always remember his name. It was the fastest ride back to my car ever. We talked alot, I got in his cab and first words he says is “What are you doing here man?” Thats when my story came out, and he talked about his previous addictions to drugs and alcohol. He was 3rd in que for getting a taxi call. He was somehow moved to first in que to pick me up.
If that wasnt ment to be, then I dont know what is. Everything was happening so perfectly. It was so great. He had tears down his eyes and I had to hold mine back so hard. That was the first taxi ride ive ever got alone. That 140 dollar ride was priceless to me.
Everything was so tough at first, and as each hour passed it got better, and better and better.
I plan on staying sober for now on out, I will not tolerate me messing around anymore because I WOULD check myself back into the ER and repeat Detox. I cant do that to myself. I cant imagine dieing without accomplishing my story on this planet. Im so thankful for what I did, and all the people, and the man above for helping me pull through this mess. Im not craving it anymore, my thoughts of it are gone but temptation will come. Thats when i delete those people out of my life. I deleted my dealers number, and plan on getting a new number on top of that.
This is my story, I really hope anyone who struggles can find the resources you need. Ive downloaded a sober clock to count the time for me, and ive set my phone background of my hospital band on my wrist with the date I admitted myself voluntarily to remind me not to mess around anymore. Ive wrote 2 pages of some real words to myself and another with simple motivational words all in different colors in a page to make it all pop out in Detox. They will forever be around me if I ever have a need to do a drug. Im so thankful im not addicted to worse, Cocaine is hell of a drug to come off of when youre dependant on it.
Thank you for reading my story, And I WILL check back and give updates.
Stay motivated and keep that chin up. Change doesnt happen unless you make it happen. Stay true to yourself, and the bad friends will eventually weed themselves out and you will be replacing them with sober ones overtime is what im about to learn.
Dont be afraid to ask for help. We all can say im sure we’ve wanted to eat a bullet before.
I feel alot better. Im not tolerating it anymore.
