I’m 32. I started drinking alcohol at the age of 19. Didn’t really think much of it turning into a problem back then and I absolutely loved drinking in the early years. Going out with my mates, clubbing, partying etc. I only drank on special occasions like birthday parties, weddings etc. Never at home as it didn’t really appeal to me.
As I got older, graduated, got married had kids which all happened between my mid 20’s - now, I started drinking at home on a Friday night after work, couple of pints at home with my brother and then again on Saturday night which included having a 70cl of rum/whiskey between us with some sort of mixer and then not drinking again until the following week.
This advanced into extending to having a couple of pints on Sunday night and a couple of shots to “see off the weekend” and then again on Wednesday night to “celebrate hump day” to eventually drinking 4 (sometimes even 5) days of the week which has been happening for 3 years now. None of this has effected my work but I do think relationships at home with; my parents, kids, wife have suffered if I am honest, like I could do more with them and not talk rubbish when drunk and then regret it in the morning.
What I’m seeing is that this is slowly getting worse so before this becomes a bigger issue I’m wanting to get a handle on this and therefore I am doing dry January this year and hoping to reset the habit.
However, you look around on the internet on how to nail this alcohol habit issue and they say things like; keep the booze out the house, get a new hobby/ies, don’t meet with people who are drinking. All this is doable apart from the latter, living as an extended family it includes my brother and dad who both like a drink although this year I have got them to do dry January with me this year, which we do attempt every year but one or the other seem to throw in the towel 3 weeks in and then we continue as above the rest of the year. Some excuse or you “get the look” and you just know they’re down which gets me excited and think oh heck it go on just the one.
I need some advice on how to combat this issue so that drinking doesn’t even come to mind for all of us. It’s a tall order I know, been trying for years but I’m hoping 2019 is the one where you can just say no to a drink whether it be them or other extended family that decide to turn up on a Saturday night that you previously drank with etc.
Thanks for reading, it’s my first post so I hope I’ve not made it too long!
Nah man, that was a perfect first post. Sounds like a lot of the peoples stories around here. It was all fun, until it wasnt. It was only on weekends, until it wasn’t.
You’re doing the right thing man. Keep coming back here. Meetings helped me stay sober. They still do. It helps to be with other drunks that understand. Maybe check one out.
Dry January is a great way to start your sobriety but keep in mind that sobriety doesnt just happen because the clock struck midnight. It’s a good idea in the early stages of sobriety to plan how you tackle the triggers i.e. whatever at week 3 makes you throw in the towel or whatever causes ‘that look’. If you stick around and read up past topics, you’ll see a variety of stories and tips on how to get on with it but it has to work for you.
Sounds as though you’re a habitual drinker so how are you going to change the habit? As I so often drone on about, I’m a chef working stupid hours and instead of drinking, I unload my thoughts on the “Checking In Daily” thread on here. I also play guitar for about 2/3 hrs an evening after work as this takes my mind of my drinking. Try to recognise your drinkig habits. Take your sobriety seriously and make a plan. When youve made a plan, stick to it. I am 105 days sober from both alcohol and a variety of drugs and I can honestly say, it rocks all the best for your Dry January and I hope to see you checking in
Thanks man, I’m glad I found this. Been looking around and it helps tbh. When I got it yesterday, I was like I’m not posting but rather just looking around but I’m glad I did now. Thanks for the response dude, really appreciate it.
Committing to not drinking may be a pact best made with people other than your family members; if they are unhelpful in keeping you on the straight and narrow, they may be part of the problem (“My brother decided to drink, so if I do too it’s no big deal”). That kind of dynamic can be difficult to overcome without outside help. Rather than thinking about not drinking as a problem you need to solve only until someone else makes an adverse choice, it may be more helpful to consider why it matters at all what choices others make when thinking about whether or not to drink. It’s your choice to make; don’t let others make it for you (since it sounds like that only goes in one direction). Wishing you fortitude.
Welcome. Wish I could tell you someone secret weapon to get you not to think about drinking, but I think the only one that exists is time. We all have to get through those early days, hours, weeks, minutes, months one moment at a time. Learning to find ways to distract yourself…reading, exercising, cooking, finding a new hobby …running is a great one…anyway…finding a whole bunch of ways to distract yourself is a good start. Meetings are a great help for some people. Reading different threads on here where you can get other tips.
And hey, it isn’t ever just ‘the one’ we all know that or else we wouldn’t be here. Me…I keep a big ole list of why I don’t want to drink anymore (hangovers, fighting with my husband, being an asshole, feeling ashamed, jail, wrecking the car, etc etc).
Glad you are here and hope you will stay. Great first post.
Find something else to do ‘the morning after the night before’ and get an early night. I was training for a big sponsored walk when I quit drinking, and it was the best excuse for not drinking at the weekend. Had to get up early and be fresh to get my miles in!
Play your tape to the end. Those regrets you have, those moments that make you cringe? Really think about them, keep them in your mind. Not to beat yourself up or anything, but make this the feeling you associate with drinking. Then you can just say, no I don’t really fancy it if anyone asks if you want one.
There is no such thing as just one. See above!
Read this forum. A lot. If you are concerned about your relationship with alcohol then you will likely find you can relate to people much further along their journey of addiction. This could happen to any of us.
There’s a great book called This Naked Mind, also available on audiobook and I believe there is a podcast. There are lots of other recovery resources but this is one that comes up most frequently on the forum. I’ve read the book and found it helpful to change my perspective on drinking.
Keep checking in and keep us posted on how you’re getting on
As said many times, meetings worked for me. If nothing else I got phone numbers of people who had walked and were walking the same shoes I am. Never crave alone. Call someone, post here, do something to reach, just don’t do it alone. Congratulations on starting this journey to a happier you.
Refigarator filled with nice food and alc. free drinks
Telling my spouse about my sober plan
Avoid alcohol related activities and friends (at least in the beginning)
Having a day counter
Avoid wine section supermarket and liquor store
Taking a strong vitamine B complex
Taking melatonin to help me sleep
Be gentle to myself, like go to bed early, taking a long bath, etc.
When craving: do anything but don’t drink so walk, run, work out, eat chocolat, watch Netflix, clean, study, whatever.
Be here every day and check in sober.
Maybe it helps you too? But there are many roads thst leads to sobriaty. A lot of people go to AA or SMART and they find it very helpfull.
Today is my 109 day sober and I’m gratefull for that
One tip: set a goal that the achievement of which is incompatible with drinking. Running a marathon. Bowling a 300 game. Getting a degree or professional certification, or like me, a black belt in a martial arts style.
Yes, you could drink while pursuing these things, but your progress would be slower. The idea is to develop a passion for something that is greater than any desire to drink.
