First off, gave up the booze 3/4 years ago. Been clean as a whistle all that time. Maybe I’ve been lucky or strong, but I’ve not been tempted.
But my daughter and wife have suddenly thrown me back into a bad place. My son made crepes suzettes the other night. I burned off the alcohol which was also in a rolling boil. I didn’t eat one, but just tasted a corner my wife cut from hers. No problem. It didn’t open the door for more, or if it did I didn’t walk through it.
No after effects. No craving. Nothing to see here.
Except that my daughter now warns me that im on my way back to heavy drinking and that she will be out of my life if I go there. Now my wife is all over me too.
I don’t know what more I can do. I’m off it years and very secure and alert about it. There is alcohol in the house which I never even consider touching.
I gave it up and have no intention of going back, yet I’m feeling guilty and dirty again. I’ve given all that I can in that respect yet it’s not enough.
It won’t cause me to fall, but I just feel that I am somehow still a drunk in their eyes.
Welcome here… I am sorry your family makes you feel those awful feelings. I too am battling my loved one’s opinion of my sobriety which is not supportive at all. He constantly tells me I am no better sober than drunk although it has been 10 1/2 months of no tequila binges or trip to the hospital or River in my case. I am learning that I cannot look to others for my confidence to remain sober. I can try to understand that others think sobriety will not remain. I cannot control there thoughts and frankly don’t want to. I hope you can keep doing what you are doing to stay sober and hopefully your family will appreciate the Sober You… I do not have answers for you… I however believe that God placed me in this relationship and I will be the best I can be.
Stay here and I assure you the positive feed back from US will make a huge difference in your confidence. Happy New Year my friend.
I guess I might ask them why they think you’re on the path back. Sincerely ask (and sincerely listen), is it about more than a crepe suzette?
If it’s just the crepe, I’d thank them for their concern. It is good they look out. Then if you’re not worried about it, don’t be worried about it. That’s for you to decide.
My sponsor swears off any food that’s touched any kinda alcohol. Even beer battered onion rings. Like you say though, it doesn’t bother me in the least. We’re not talking about a rum-soaked cake that stinks of booze (which I absolutely do avoid). It’s a f’in onion ring that tastes like an onion ring.
You know your boundaries, and would hope they can trust you on that. But perhaps there’s something more they’re concerned or hurt about.
I am not sure if words hard or soft will get the result you want. It doesn’t work for me. I remain silent and let my actions express myself. Now as I told my sponsor today sometimes I lose it and scream “progress not perfection “ makes me feel better anyway. I am here for you.
Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your sober time.
From my experience when my children have been worried about me drinking again it comes from genuine concern rather than criticism.
Perhaps they’re more concerned and its triggered a flight response in you because you don’t want to be under the microscope.
Maybe just assure them you’re firm in your sobriety and you’re happy for them to remove all the alcohol from the house if it makes them feel better…
I would have a family meeting. I would tell them I need the floor for 5 minutes and they need to listen to me. I would explain exactly how I’m solid in my recovery, how I appreciate their support so much, and how their comments and behavior are effecting me. I would take that 5 minutes and drill it into their heads that I’m fucking bueno, man. Then I would let them ask questions and tell them if they need to talk now’s the time. Because after that I don’t want to hear it. I would give them an opportunity to get it out all at once. I would tell them after this, I don’t want to hear any reminders of my past. I would encourage them to move forward, as I have these past few years.
Believe me, whn somethig is going a bit pear-shaped the first thing that I do is as what I have done wrong, so I’ve checked myself on this.
I think that part of it is that both my wife and my daughter have a tendency towards alarmism and can also be somewhat psychosomatic.
The thing that hit me like a train, though, was the feeling that somehow I had indeed fallen off the wagon in their eyes; that I was drunk again. It gave me a glimpse, I guess, of how I’d feel if I’d actually lapsed. I do not want to go through that.
Hello and welcome.
I would just talk to them and explain how their reaction made you feel. Assure them that you are secure in your sobriety. They aren’t to be blamed for their reaction, but it needed to be discussed. Some people are just unknowledgeable about alcoholism; either they think that cooked alcohol will set you off, or at the other end that a beer is ok because your issues was spirits, for example.
I eat tiramisu and fruitcake (and not just the corner!) which have small amounts of alcohol in, and it doesn’t bother me. If I don’t get a buzz, I’m not bothered. But each to their own.
Hello and welcome to the family
First of all: congratulations on your amazing sober time!
I’m not going into the general discussion, if alcohol in food is okay, or not. There are multiple threads in this forum discussing it, and previous answers here have shown, that it’s a rather personal decision.
Alcoholism is a family disease that’s a phrase often used when exploring the family dynamics around an alcoholic. And in short it means: everyone has to play their part in treatment and recovery.
Like @Eke I also wonder if there is more to the situation than having a taster bite of a crepe? That’s something for you to find out. If it really is about that one bite, then you should have a talk with your family and discuss three points, keeping in mind the responsibility of the whole family:
Why is alcohol kept in the house by family members, if they clearly think it could lead you to fall of the wagon?
Why is food containing alcohol prepared for family dinners, if your family doesn’t want you to eat it?
See points 1&2
If they’re really that concerned about you, than it shouldn’t be an issue for them to remove what they assume could be triggers for you.
Dont feel guilty stand up tell them you wont be going back to drinking and your sorry if this episode has upset them , they have been damaged aswell with you drinking trust is a big issue in this respect but im sure when you have that discussion it will be ok wish you well
They arent making any sense…there was just a trace of alcohol for flavor maybe. You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Especially if there has been alcohol around that you never touch. They were were out of line.
We sat down and talked. I thanked them for their concern and assured them that I appreciate being kept honest. I said that I don’t need threats, though. I am absolutely aware of the outcome if I were to start drinking again. I said that while I cannot give up alcohol twice, what I could do is to renew my promise to stay off it.
I’m still a bit hurt by it, but I have to accept that the root cause of that lies ultimately with me.
I did have to hold a couple of things to myself. The last thing that I want to do is to create a situation where someone feels a lingering thought that they might cause a relapse. That belongs to me alone.
We’re all on the same path now. It did me no harm to recommit myself to sobriety and they’re happy.
This is a really interesting one but you’ve basically said it yourself. They are just fearful of loosing you to alcohol again by the sounds of it and sometimes having those conversations with them can help. Keep your chin up mate i hope you have managed to sort it.
