I’m a few weeks clean now, lined up two 3 month rehabs to do back to back. I rang today and was offered a bed at the first rehab I’ll be going in late next week. Since knowing that meth and injecting cravings gone so severe. My mind is telling me I’m close to the start again of trying a life of total abstinence. I get this hectic cravings where I have to stop what I’m doing and sit down and close my eyes to ride put the cravings and not use.
I desperately want a normal sobre life I know meth isn’t an option but my brain is screaming at me to get fucked up for the last time before I do rehab and kick meth out of my life.
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I know how to urge Surf and deal with cravings but it’s so taxing on my mental health to sit through the cravings and can’t stop picturing a needle going in, then registering the vein when you pull back and the blood enters the syringe then pushing down and injecting that meth to my bloodstream. I just have that visual of iv use going over and over. When I do that visual, if I don’t stop myself from imaging the whole injecting ritual and let it play out it just makes me want to use a last time.
I dunno if anyone has thoughts like this but I don’t have any friends to talk it out with n not appropriate to talk with family so just wanted to share my situation n feel some relief that people may read this and just need to share.
I scared the shit out of myself the last time I used which is also helpful. Terrifying psychosis! I don’t ever want to feel like that again. That’s been helpful.
If I see it, I will crave it. If I know someone has it. I will crave it.
I avoid it. My small coastal town has a meth problem. I see the problems it causes. I focus on that. I makes me grateful to be clean.
My coworker uses. He isn’t having fun. His performance at work and dependability is shitty. That helps me be grateful I’m clean.
When I do get a craving it’s become easier to shoot down because I’m grateful to not be living like that anymore.
I’m a commercial fisherman.
I’ve let my coworker know that I will break his face if he offers it or let’s me see it. He sneaky about using and has all the tweaker drama in his life. He has nothing.
The drug keeps him stuck there. He would be amazingly talented if he wasn’t spun. I focus on that.
I live in an RV park and there are alot of tweakers here. None of them have anything good going for them. I do.
I don’t associate with any of them.
The further I get away from using. The more I hate the drug and what it does to people. It helps me want to stay clean.
i know the high eventually wears down after so long, its like chasing a pot of gold for me never going to find ‘it’ but ever present in my mind the thought of what pleasure it would bring that first Hi. Always made me feel awful when i was using, what it made me do what it did to other people walking around like zombies not knowing the real from a dream world. My so called friends that still shoot dont recognize me, talk with slurred speach they’re literally toasted, my auntie lost all her teeth has 5 kids never properly raised up, it just doesn’t have that appeal to make me want to use anymore. People ive know been killed over pity rival drug disputes the euphoric release i use to get has dissipated to a morbid sence of grotesque reality. Reading your post brings back the memories almost like being high again perspiration and heart rate increase but im thankfull to God i dont have to live that life anymore. Glad youve got some treatment centers mapped out for your recovery, take from it what you need and leave the rest. Take it easy and be well my friend.
One last time could be your ONE LAST TIME and you die. I have overdosed and broken my nose from doing too much meth in a Del Taco bathroom when I was living in a car in Southern California. I have almost overdosed and been sexually assaulted by the person I was stranded with, high, thinking demons were talking at me from the walls and that was one of the “last times” I got high. It’s not a paradise we are in when we are using it is literal Hell. If you have managed to stay clean, stay clean. You are lucky to be alive and have your mind. It took me almost a year to stop having delusions because of my meth use because I had been in psychosis so many times. You don’t want to risk that with getting high. You never know when your psyche can break and you have a bad trip. Or something can go wrong. Take it as a sign from God that you got that bed open for treatment when you did and you DON’T need to go back to what you have been set free from. Good luck, always here for support.
I totally understand about the whole cravings and ritual of iv use. I got hooked on meth for a brief period of time. Only a month but lemme tell u, it cost me everything. First it was smoking, then i seen how little and how much higher u got from it by banging it and that was it. I ended up with 2 probation violations, doing 1 month in jail over that, then a 28 day treatment center and now im in a stepdown house with 6 other women. I also have started the vivitrol shot with welbutrin as well to help with the meth cravings. So far so good. Ive had 3 pretty intense cravings since last use but i will tell you, after 44 days sober, we do recover. Keep your head up and feel free to contact me if you just need to talk or whatever. I hope you’re still doing well.
