so I have a mix of avoidant restrictive food disorder and anorexia.
I felt like I was eating way more than I should. I’ve lost 20 pounds in 2 months. I’m scared but I’m also kind of happy with myself in a sick way
This sounds pretty serious friend 
has a therapist or anyone like a Dr given u any advice on what to do about this? Id hate to see something devastating happen to u I have experienced (and still do experience) some issues related to my eating disorders and i know the impact that it can have on the mind. I think (I could be wrong) that the part of ur mind that is telling u that ur happy with losing 20lbs is the addictive part of the eating disorder. It plays such huge games on us
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it definitely is addictive. I’m never honest with my therapist about it but I think I’m going to have to be. at least it’ll hold me accountable a little bit
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Best to be honest with your therapist and hear what the person has to say. Hopefully it will help you.
Are you 20lbs ( or more ) underweight, at a good weight for you, or over a healthy weight?
You need to eat my friend.
Your body functions thanks to food and water.
My suggestion is to track your calories so you’ll have some idea of how many you’re consuming.
To lose 20 pounds you had to eat 3500 times 20 less calories than you needed to maintain your weight.
That’s 70,000 calories you didn’t eat in two months.
Keep yourself fed so that you can feel healthy and enjoy and live your life. 
Be accountable here and to your therapist.
Big hugs.
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I’m still slightly overweight
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The most convincing thing for me is I am terrified of losing my hair. If you can find one little reason to stick to, maybe that could help? Also, it stinks that our self worth is so tied to these numbers. It really isn’t what matters at the end of the day. You are worthy of eating. You can lose weight healthily while enjoying the simple pleasure of food. There’s no need to take it further than need be.
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my hair has already been going for a while. I guess to a certain extent I don’t care anymore. but at the same time I’m scared
Well babe maybe you should be scared. The fear is your brain warning you because you know this isn’t good. Listen to your body, you need to eat for nourishment. I always think well, if I can’t have this impossible body I want (healthily), then I’ll just eat for nourishment so I’ll have super nice hair, and skin. Ik what it’s like to just not care though. But whether you believe it or not you do deserve to eat and it doesn’t matter what your body looks like at the end of the day. You won’t be thinking about something like this if you were on your deathbed for example, which could be tomorrow, you never know. Plus what good is a skinny body if you damage it so much that it won’t last nearly as long anymore. The mortality rate of eating disorders like anorexia is very grim.
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thank you. I know I probably should be scared. I guess I just doesn’t strike me as serious as it should because I’m in an environment where nobody believes that I’m actually sick. even if I asked to be put in some kind of treatment program my doctor would say no because I’m overweight. at least that’s been my experience in the past. I just need to be honest with my therapist and hopefully figure this out
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I’m in the same boat girl. If I began to struggle again with this, I wouldn’t be taken seriously either. I’m not super overweight, just a tiny bit. But they only take it seriously when someone looks borderline skeletal.
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exactly. I honestly used to tell myself I’m gonna make them see how sick I am and then they’ll care. I just need to start listening to my body and realize what boat I’m in. everytime I eat a little I end up extremely hungry, my body is telling me what it needs and I’ve been ignoring it
I know how you feel, but the only person that’ll “show” is your body’s future health. Most people need to take an empathy class so take it with a grain of salt. Ppl in the medical field are also usually very overworked and tired and their spirits are killed from a lot of trauma working with dying and unhealthy. It’s unlikely there’s any room left for them to care about anything they “can’t see”. I have lung issues and tbh I’m pretty sure I’m being pushed aside and labeled “asthmatic” bc they can’t see visually what it is. Mind u I never had asthma in my life lol. U gotta listen to your body and you gotta be the one to stick up for it. Even if that means coming off harsh. Sometimes that’s the only thing that will make ppl listen. Sorry if this was a chaotic message my brain is friend 
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no worries I totally get it. I have so many chronic and invisible health issues. if it isn’t screaming in their face they don’t really treat it as real
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Also wanted to add, there’s YouTubers who are recovering eating disordered people and I find their content very wholesome and helpful. I watch Ro Mitchell. She’s so sweet and she helps me eat so maybe she’ll help you too
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