ED in sobriety

[LazyRonin]

Hello everyone ! (I’m french so I hope my english will be enough to be understood ahah)
I’m starting my I don’t even count anymore attempt to get sober from alcohol.
I use different drugs since I’m 14, but my first addiction was food, sugar to be exact. My issues with overeating sugar and my overweight magicaly diseppear when I started to smoke weed, drink alcohol and do few hard drugs. During my several attempts to quit drinking (my last addiction), I faced anorexia again. I’ve started to restricting food few years ago during depressive episodes, and it gets really hard during the 2 first weeks of sobriety. The only thing in my mind is how much pounds I can loose without the sugar and kcl of the alcohol. I’m afraid to eat, my brain never stops to calculate if I “have the right” to take a meal. Did I had enough physical activity to allow myself to eat ? Is my plate healthy and light enough ? I’m afraid of eating outside, of certain type of food like pasta. I get really anxious when it’s time to take a lunch, I try to eat the latest possible to avoid the bad feeling I get after eating… I feel really good and powerful if I ever succed to skip a meal…
Anyway it all comes back and hit me like a fck truck… Is anyone else here had to manage ED returns “because” of sobriety ? How did you guys manage the combined stress of getting sober and fighting ED ?
Thanks to have read

[Matt]

Welcome Alexia

I don’t struggle with ED myself but there are members here who do, and who have other addictions as well, like you describe here.

@Its_me_Stella has a thread about it - you might find some helpful stuff there:

Stella's Cracked Looking Glass *** Trigger Warning ED ***

I have decided to document this journey in a thread. After entering my meal on the foodie’s thread and then sitting down and mindfully eating through tears, many thoughts and feelings were coming up. I think sharing this could be valuable to others, and if not, then at least therapeutic for me. Anyways I will start with a bit of a back story… I grew up in a family of women with disordered eating. It has been passed down through the generations. From my grandmother to my mother to me. Maybe ev…

Welcome! You can do it. One step at a time, one day at a time.

[Its_me_Stella]

Oh, you are definitely not alone here.

I am actually feeling a little bit defeated again if I am being honest. I came to some realizations today that I suppose are helpful in the long run but sort of make me feel… I am not sure what I feel other than a bit defeated.

The only advice I have is to try to be compassionate with yourself. In my situation as soon as I tried to control anything my symptoms completely flared up. I have no magic solution just some company as I am walking beside you on this journey, one step at a time.

[LazyRonin]

Thanks for those words
We’re gonna make it, there is no other way than recovery

[LazyRonin]

Thanks for that !

[Misokatsu]

I don’t like to say I have an eating disorder, as I don’t think my behaviour is extreme enough for that. But my eating is definitely disordered, I used to binge drink and eat, use the hangover to help me purge and starve. Now I don’t have hangovers I just binge and weight increases. I definitely see the same behaviours in drinking and disordered eating - obsession, hiding, guilt. It is tiring.
My eating behaviour is definitely at it’s best when I care for myself and want to protect and nourish myself. And when I focus on other things in my life, not just food.