Hi everyone, this is my first post on here. I have given this post a lot of thought and want to be as transparent as possible. This will be very controversial and I am so sorry if I upset or offend anyone by writing this.
I was reading a post on here about other people not recognising “problem drinking” and felt that I could relate to this.
I have been abusing alcohol since I was 15 including the on/off binge but have noticed that it has gradually taken over my life to the point of me thinking that I can’t live a happy life without alcohol. Further more my hangovers are horrific! Persistent vomitting until the late afternoon in most cases. When I get over my hangover I say to my boyfriend that 'I need to stop" and he responds with 'no, you just need to moderate".
I reached my all time low the other day involving my job. I work in the NHS as a nurse and arrived 30 mins before I was due to start. I felt horrific, so I decided to try and sleep on the toilet floor in an attempt to make me feel slightly better. How shocking is that!?!?!? Then to make it worse I’m caring for patients in this condition. I then go home telling my boyfriend what I had done, and he totally downplays it. Now, this isn’t me knocking my boyfriend - I love him very much, but when I say things as shocking as this, and he still doesn’t think I have a problem it is very unsettling.
I have been in similar situations numerous times, vomitting on the hour every hour… it terrifies me! I contacted AA for the first time today so fingers crossed that will be productive.
As my title says I am very ashamed and embarrassed to admit to this so please try not to judge me. Its almost like i am waiting for someone to tell me I have a problem, when the evidence has been staring me in the face the whole time.
Hey first of all nothing you said is going to anger anyone. Geuss what I’ve been there, and no exactly how you’re feeling. I use to be a c.n.a and do the same shit as you, I would go into there rooms and steal there oxygen to help my hangover. So I know exactly how you are feeling, and second it’s not up to your bf to decide if you have a problem or not, nor is up to us decide. There is only one person who knows if they have a problem and the answer comes to you the second you question if you have a problem or not. So from what I’ve read you yourself see you have a problem, and now it’s up to you on what you want to do. The sober path is most definitely the best path I wish you the best and welcome
Hello and welcome im so pleased your here reaching out for help. Any normal drinker wouldn’t look up for a soba app so I’ll leave that question to you … I understand your shame guilt and regret so much I spent many years in that situation my heart goes out to you . I hope you stay on this app to get help and support something I learned is that I can’t do this on my own. Please keep reading others stories on here and reach out anytime there’s always someone online to talk to xxx
I will keep it brief. You have a problem. It is a problem because it is negatively impacting your life and your sense of self worth. Your boyfriend is well intended. I am a stranger to you and the use of the word “proud” may seem odd. With that said, I am proud of you. You know what you need to do. Now continue reaching out to any resource you can find for the tools. I haven’t been posting or reading on this site for a few weeks and just popped on. Your post was the first thing I saw. Thank you as you gave me a reminder of why I am working on sobriety. Please try to release the shame. It is destructive. Replace it with the deserving pride you can feel for taking this step and sharing. That takes courage. Getting sober takes courage. Be courageous. Okay, maybe not brief.
It is frustrating when other people just don’t get it… But then really why would they? Our relationship with alcohol is our problem and it’s up to us to decide what we do about it.
There is so much help available - joining this forum and contacting AA are great places to start. This thread has a list of some of the many other resources that are available: Resources for our recovery
Keep checking in, read as much as you can and reach out whenever you need to!
I cant tell you all, how much your kind words mean to me. This is an amazing platform. I will definitely keep popping in. Such amazing topics discussed on here. You’re all amazing
Hi , welcome! No one here will judge you, the folks on here are awesome. Thank you for sharing with us stick around! Read and share I look forward to hearing more from you.
Hey as a first timer on this forum myself, I felt the same way. Embarrassed and ashamed. But I don’t think that seeking help for something that you recognize as out of your control is anything to be ashamed of. It’s amazing that you’re taking the steps to better your life. And I really hope that you continue with posting and reaching out. Welcome.
this sounds a lot like me, with regards to the hangovers and people playing it down. I have also been told several times “you just have beer fear/ its early days, youll be alright again in a week” as though saying I think I need to give up is silly?!
Well dont you for taking such a big step, i can’t tell you not to feel ashamed, because I am currently sat at home feeling exactly that. But, here is to moving forward and finding a healthier lifestyle.
Is your boyfriend a heavy drinker as well? If so, his response may have more to do with the fact that he’s not ready to take a look at his own drinking and you bringing up the subject of your problem drinking forces him to do so.
If not, his response may be more shame based - he doesn’t want people to know that you’re an alcoholic and negativity judge him or you for it. If you think this is the case, let me reassure you that almost everyone I’ve told about my sobriety (on day 28) has been extremely supportive. I’ve never had so many people tell me they’re proud of me in my entire life as I have in the last month! And even better, I’M proud of me. It’s an awesome feeling, and you deserve it!
Hi Tess, thank you so much for messaging. You raise some very good points about my boyfriend. I think ots more about him. I reckon he will see losing a “drinking buddy” a bad thing for him. I need to try and flip it. I’m going to have the conversation tonight x
Just to hive you amazing people an update. I went to my first AA meeting last night. If I’m honest it was a complete mind blowing experience. Everyone was so lovely and so normal!!! It was beautifully refreshing. Reflecting on the experience part of my brain is still thinking absolutely not - you’re not an alcohol, why are you here? So that is a lot to contend with.
Anyways I just thought I would give you all the update. Thank you so much for all your kind words xx
I never considered myself an alcoholic, or addicted to alcohol, because I wasn’t physically dependent. But when I started reading around, here and through recovery literature etc, I realised just how much I could relate to from people who I considered to be ‘real addicts’.
It helped me to see that physical dependence is one part of it and that once people get past the physical withdrawal stage, the emotional baggage attached to staying sober is very similar for all of us.
Yeah nothing you said will anger anyone. I mean we’re the group of people that will embrace you not judge you!
Here’s my two cents and I could be wrong. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to STOP drinking because then it will impact him. Because maybe he can’t drink on certain nights then to be in solidarity with you. It’s easier on him if you can still drink, just moderate. Because then he can still drink and if you don’t moderate that’s on you not in him (in his mind).
You should to tell him you have a problem and you need him to accept that. See what his response is.
What is it you want to talk to him about? I’m maybe misunderstanding the situation here, but why does it matter if he thinks you need to be sober or not? If you think being sober will help you then it’s worth doing, whether or not anyone else approves.
Hello and welcome. I’m also a nurse and also embarrassed and ashamed. No one on here will judge you. We have all been there. Build yourself a team. Your AA group and this forum is a fantastic start. I read lots of ‘quit lit’. ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’ helped me recognise my behaviour around alcohol. ‘This Naked Mind’ is helping me address those behaviours. There are loads out there. I agree with others re your boyfriend. My partner is sober 7 years so I have his support but it’s my close friend who has a similar attitude to your BF. But it’s not our job to change other people’s attitudes or deal with their issues. You need yourself right now. Focus on YOUR needs. Wishing you all the best. X
that will be productive.
I wish you the best and welcome
stick around! Read and share I look forward to hearing more from you.