Ugh emotions are scary and hard early in recovery. I feel as if I’ve become so comfortable in living numb and not feeling that now as I slowly come back to self all I want to do is cry and get stuck in the “poor me” cycle.
The “poor me” cycle leads back to relapse, on whatever substance or thing will make me feel different, or not feel at all. That’s why I’m leaning on this app, 12 step meetings, and my therapist for support and love as I cry myself back into recovery.
Anyone else struggling with early sobriety emotions and the feeling of waking back up to reality? We’re not alone, so thank you all for being here
Proud of you! Emotions suck no matter how long we’ve been clean and sober, at least for me lol. I know they come in waves, sometimes more intense than others but I make sure I reach out here and let everyone know where I’m at. I think you’re doing great by sharing what you’re going through and also by going to therapy etc. We can all do this together, good job reaching out!!!
You are so right, emotions are hard for everyone, addicts or non-addicts! Thanks for the encouragement my friend and I will certainly keep coming back!!
I’ve been relatively better with dealing with emotions since getting sober but a lot of that is because I lost my job (due to alcohol) and with that a significant amount of stress. Also, alcohol made everything just awful for me. I pretty much spend my days on me and sobriety. Lots of meetings, reading and time on TS.
Yeah emotions,all the years of using substances to not feel all come back full force. I enrolled in a outpatient substance recovery program that is phenomenal most of the staff have been their done that and are my main support system it’s called the denovo program.
Man I cried all the time and randomly as hell in my first couple months. Someone would say something, stir it up and my think tank would get working and tears start flowing… same thing with random song… or a TV show.
I still have like 2 songs that’ll get me misty, out of happiness now though.
It gets better, the peaks and valleys level out.
40 months sober and feelings and emotions are cool with me, nothing gets me core of the Earth low or higher than the moon now.
I’ve been making efforts not to feel emotions any more.
There are good exercises and things to practice, that you can find on the internet, and that really do seem to help.
I really do look forward to not feeling anything… the sooner the better.
More practice is needed, however.
Not feeling emotions would be another definition of being dead in a certain way for me now. How sad that would be. No laughter, no fun, happiness, no relieve, no surprise. I still often struggle with deep sadness but it is getting better and I believe without sadness or all the variety of feelings we have as a human being there would be no forum like this.
Having no feelings would be better than the almost constant depression and self-loathing that are the most common features of my life.
If having no feelings means being half-dead, then that is what I would want as a stopgap measure to getting all the way dead.
I had a few crappy, but stupid things happen yesterday, and the old me would’ve downed a drink as fast as I could have gotten my hands on one, and then kept going. But I feel like by not “coping” in that way, I actually got over it and moved on much faster. The drinking would have just actually kept me down I think. I’m at 33 days.
You’re certainly right about that.
I have issues with depression, and I certainly used to use alcohol as a way of… well, not coping, exactly, but rather masking.
I had this foolish idea that being half drunk actually helped with the whole depression thing.
It doesn’t.
Emotions definitely are hard and scary, especially when they have been dealt with or deferred entirely in the past by getting messed up.
However, I think the prospect of continuing a life of active addiction/abuse, and all that it entails, is even scarier.
You’ve made a great choice, the right choice – and anything worth having is worth working for. You’re here, you’re doing 12 steps, and involved with a therapist. You’re doing great!
I’m curious as to how you believe you can “stop feeling.” Emotions are primal and reactive, meaning they arrive regardless of what we desire - the only thing we can control is how we handle the emotions. Since feeling is as reactive as breathing, I am worried that you are saying that you are deciding to ignore and/or bury your emotions rather than accept, confront and resolve your emotions.
I wonder how heavy the pile of ignored emotions will become and how that may affect your day-to-day life…
It’s going to take practice, that’s for sure.
Yes, emotions are instinctive, but I think that, with practice, it should be possible to suppress them enough that they stop being a factor in my life.
I doubt that I’ll ever be able to completely manage this, but I think that it’s a good idea… for me, anyway.
Emotions are hard the OP is right. And yes in early recovery they are for sure more difficult, we are raw and unbalanced. Our brain chems are all out of whack and it takes some time for them to settle. Aside from that though there are the neuropath ways that we have etched out in our brains from doing the same things over and over, reacting the same ways to the same thing over and over. This can be changed with time and practice. It takes that though, a lot of time and practice. That knee jerk reaction can be changed to a thought out response. I have been reading a lot of books since cleaning up, some authors including Jeff Brown, Tara Brach, and Brene Brown all great authors with lots of amazing ideas and helpful suggestions.
It has taken me 15 months of sobriety, a full DBT course,and a lot of step work, to actually finally say I can sometimes sit in that “pause” that people talk about. To sit in my overwhelming emotions and feel them without reacting immediately.
Before recovery I was the stone wall who was completely unpredictable. I gave no emotion I felt nothing until I felt everything and then there was no controlling it and I was dangerous to everyone around me including myself. I read someone posted above about “shutting down emotions” and I am not sure that is the answer at all. I think that in recovery the answer is to embrace reality and if reality is that we are feeling a surge of emotions then we need to feel those and find some beauty there. There is nothing wrong with being pissed off or sad or hurting or super fucking happy. We are allowed to feel and the more we grant ourselves permission to experience the beauty of life the less intense it will feel. The more normal it will feel. Hell maybe the original poster is an emotional person and he just didn’t know it until now and thats a super cool thing. So don’t put lids on emotions let them flow. I know they can feel weird if you aren’t used to them but they feel less weird if you just accept them for what they are. " Damn I am sad right now." " Fucking pissed off!" " Wow this feels weird, but I’m super happy!" Might sound juvenile but it works.
Sadly, yes I suspect that they all will be a factor, and a damn annoying one at that.
I doubt that I would ever manage to be quite as mechanical as I would hope… but that doesn’t change the fact that I would rather NOT feel.
