I am day zero again, i dont feel i struggle very hard with the issue of drinking. Anymore its only two or three a night but I still dream of trying to stop for longer periods of time. Ive tried taking breaks before and have had all but too many times of not being able to. I used to only think about a drink every single second especially when I told myself I wouldnt be. But this has been different lately. back then a typical night would be half a bottle a night if not more…
But like i said, its a bit different now. I dont want to crave it and truthfully i dont crave nor want a drink anymore. Thats until i get home and “relax” into one like its a feeing of spring break. I can hold off until the later evening without much of a thought but once the evening windes down is when i fall into it. But i am proud of my changes from having way too many to only 2-3 a night (trying to celebrate the small wins where i can)
But…
Even one a day before bed makes me feel at the lowest of my lows, the shame i feel after ive taken that shot. I beat myself up in the cycle of the “light fun” feeling beforehand, then immediate regret once it hits my system, to shame and all sibbling emotions attached along… wake up and say today is day one but it never seems to be.
The other week i stopped overnight out of the blue made it over a week and felt amazing. So many things i loved about that daily living, yet i cant just stop. A few a day is so close but i cant seem to be close enough to just let it go and let myself be sober.
I stress about having to face the withdrawals; mostly the headaches for days on end and the INTENSE sugar cravings which drive me f-ing mad,the sugar cravings are worse than the alcohol cravings, wtf?!? That definitely takes a hit to my motivation. Along with feeling alone in this struggle and mostly how time changes when you are sober 24/7… things feel like they slow down and i didnt realize how uncomfortable i am when that time slows down and i am trying to find something worthwhile to fulfill that empty time. (Yes im trying new things but its the adjustment to how time is different being sober, feels like extra time in the day and im lost with that awkward feeling)
I get scared i cant break this cycle, yet i feel so stubborn that i wont give up until i do it but im stuck in this ‘being soooo close’ cycle. I have such a hard time with the time weirdness especially, and then the effects of leveling out my body (thankfully no bad withdrawal symptoms aside what ive already mentioned!)
I’ve not reached out to a community that might be supportive so heres to a new attempt 
You have taken the first and most important step in coming here and admitting that you are powerless over alcohol. I know you said you’ve got it down to only a few days, which is great but the pull is still there for you. Evenings are when I used to drink. I was a nightly drinker and loads more at the weekends and I never ever thought I would be free from that pull. But it really is possible!! I found this forum by complete accident having downloaded a timer to keep track of my sobriety. The first step happens when you decide ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You have done that and now you need to want it more than anything. Get rid of all the booze in the house. Get nice soft drinks in. And yes, plenty of sugary treats too (this is only while your body craves the sugar from the booze, there’s shit loads in booze and your body will be looking for it) you can deal with slowly cutting down the sugar once you start to even out. Get a good book or puzzles or drawing/adult colouring books in, anything to keep your hands busy. And above all stay here with us for a while. There’s always someone on here to reach out to 24/7. We understand how you are feeling. I could not of remained sober for as long as I have on my own, this forum brings us together and together we are strong enough to get free from our addiction. I wish you well and I look forward to seeing you around on here. 
