I feel like I’m in a maze and when I think I’m getting closer to the end, I get caught in a dead end, walking in circles, or back to the beginning. The maze is my sobriety and the stops are the cravings that I give into. I’ll tell myself when I’m at dinner with friends/family, “just one” then turns to three and stops at the grocery store to get one of those 500 ml box wines. So then three drinks at dinner becomes 6 drinks by the end of the night. The next day I feel awful, mentally and physically. Ive always had problems with weight and confidence, drinking makes it even worse.
So I write all of this in a corner of my maze. I messed up last night and as I get ready for work, I think to myself that I’m the biggest loser for excessive drinking. Bloated, nauseous, and depressed. What a way to start the day…. Again.
Reaching your end is painful, but it opens the door for recovery. It’s going to take work and dedication though. If you feel like you’re going to need medical attention to detox please seek that first. Trying to stop cold turkey if you’ve been heavily drinking a long time can be dangerous. As for everything after that it becomes mental. Have you tried or considered anything like AA? It’s a fellowship and a program of action. There are other programs that work for other people too, but it’s just about sticking to one and doing it. Before you take a drink try reaching out to someone. You’d be amazed how much that helps. Hoping the best for you. We can all do this a day at a time
Waking up with dread and self-recrimination was terrible for me. But worse was the knowing, even when I told myself I would not drink that day, the sure knowing that somehow I would drink that day. And even when felt sincere that it would only be one or two, there was a darkness in me that knew even that sincere intention was going to be discarded.
I had to be stopped, by the cops (again) and be subjected to external controls to stop drinking. I pray that your alcoholism can be arrested before it gets to that point.
Glad you found us. This wonderful community. Read around lots of great information and support. You can do this. Stay sober with us today. Do whatever it takes to get your head on that pillow sober tonight. Even if that means going to bed early. You can deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
The only way out of the maze is to stop listening to the addict mind. Almost everyone here has told themselves they’ll just have one. And it never stops there. Moderation just doesn’t work for me. My secret to sobriety has been learning not to pick up the first drink. If I don’t have the first, I won’t have the sixth. If I pick up the first, I’m lost.
Hello Dear. Hope you feel better today?!
I also got strong hangxiety yesterday. Its so awful. You may think everything is lost but its not. Get some good sleep and start ober again. We have the choice…maybe open up about your problem to your closest people. I did so yesterday… i ve been an alcoholic for 10 years and never ever told a soul. It felt like a new chapter, eben though its hard to reflect.
Wish you well and stay strong. Think positive and dont give up! Lots of love
Be gentle with yourself today. Hydrate, focus on just getting through work, and take it one hour at a time. Day one again is tough, but you aren’t doing it alone anymore. Welcome to the community.
