The ‘selective memory’ of us addicts. Very relatable meme Haha, I thought it was too good to put in the meme thread. What’s your ways of stopping this selective memory process? For me, it’s daily journaling, where I write about at least one good sobriety aspect or one bad addiction aspect
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I wrote a letter to myself. I wrote out about my drinking, about my mother dying from drinking and how I was feeling during my most severe withdrawal. There’s a permanent record now of just how bad it was. LOL
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I keep a list on my phone…if I need a reminder of what the drinking life offered, I read it …here is some of it…
What I gain by not drinking…
No hangovers ever!!
Treating husband with respect and no drunk fighting
Self respect gets a major boost
No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop
Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!
Major pride in myself
A sense of peace and calm
No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior
Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement
No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk
No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk
No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail
No upset stomach from drinking
No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover
No dark suicidal thoughts
No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music
No blackouts ever
No overwhelming shame at my behavior
No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel
Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls
Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard
Clear skin and eyes
Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem
No hangovers ever again
No more excuses or lies
Peace of mind
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I’ve had long term sobriety before.
I was very active in 12 step recovery. That was how I learned to get and stay sober.
I remember hearing someone say the path of recovery gets narrow at times. I had no idea wtf they were talking about. The path seemed so wide to me at the time.
I was learning so many concepts that were new to me and meeting so many people that knew how to stay sober that the path seemed big and safe.
As you continue down the path, it does get narrow. All the first times sober become ordinary. People who I had placed on a sobriety pedestal revealed their imperfections, and that they werent perfect. Life on lifes terms isnt always fair and or honest.
You no longer hear anything new.
Youve seen many people who you look up to and think have it all figured out step off the path. You start to wonder if the path is even real.
I think one of the trickiest things about staying on the path is how the people who can drink and keep their shit together make it look so fun.
Hearing co workers laugh about a good time partying together when you went to a meeting and listened to the same bullshit and felt like you had wasted another hour of your life that you’ll never get back.
The next thing you know being sober feels like the miserable existance you want to escape from. Almost as desperately as you wanted to escape the lifestyle that made you find the path in the first place.
It was about five years sober when i started getting burnt out on recovery and the path got narrow. I drank just before ten years sober.
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Im glad to be back on the path though. 
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@JasonFisher Glad you are back. Thank you for sharing your story. I like the analogy of a path. Narrow, wide, twisted, straight. A member at my home group has been sober 28 years but still shows up to our meetings. I imagine how that is it will be for me. I dont trust myself that I would never drink again. Left to my own devices I probably would. But I can’t. But the point it …you are here now. Good on you.
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We cannot hear what goes on in their head tho. And for me, I know that many people who look like they ‘drink normally’ and are ‘having fun’ are actually embroiled in that same painful inner dialogue every night and morning after drinking. We can never know what is in another’s heart or mind, but we can be assured that many people are suffering as we did, but just think that hangovers and regrets are ‘part of life.’
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Its true. I was really good at making it look funner than it was.
I even believed it🤣
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I hate my brain! 
I dont no how it makes the worst possible ideas seem so attractive!
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Thanks for the reply, it seems like eventually you or anyone in recovery will get to that same narrow spot again where it feels like a duty to stay clean and not a gift. I mean it happens a lot early on but after nearly 10 years I cannot imagine how that would be like. What would you do differently now?
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It really is a daily reprieve. I have seen soooo many rock solid 12 steppers take that first drink.
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What would i do differently?
Thats a hard question.
Over time i felt like i was missing out on something. But i wasnt. But i let the idea get big enough to act upon it.
Thats where i messed up.
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