As I was driving home, I caught myself beginning to rarionalize stopping at the store for a “juice box”. I then decided to go through a list of the very good reasons I have made up to justify these stops on the way home. Here are the greatest hits:
I am stressed.
I just want to relax.
Rough day…I earned it.
It’s Friday–no school to worry about tomorrow.
I’m sad (mad, depressed, tired, worried, celebrating…you get the idea)
I deserve to unwind.
The bottle is pretty.
I like the label.
It’s a holiday.
No drinking at XYZ event.
Talk about STUPID and ridiculous rationalizations.
So, today, I decided to celebrate Day 8 with McDs fries instead. I also realized, my students are picking up on this new sense of calm and focus (they were used to crabby, hungover teacher–more on this shame later on this journey) and the entire mood has shifted in a much more positive direction.
I never drank on the job, but have worked through the consequences of my choices far too many times.
Thank you for sharing this space and path with me!
That list is spot on. I’m over 10 months sober. I was pretty much able to check off most of the items on the list. Numbers 1 and 5 are the toughest for me. But I won’t break.
Congrats on your sobriety time And I appreciate the post. I can relate to this in the past finding any excuse or reservation to go back to drinking or drugs. There was always some thing but at the end of the day I was just trying to change the way I feel. Now it’s about learning to be OK with whatever I feel. If it’s bad it’ll pass. If it’s good I hang onto it. We just have to take things one day at a time. We learn new coping strategies for stress. We learn to be OK with happiness. Even if I have a bad day these days which isn’t that often at least my morning won’t be miserable like it used to be. Those horrible hangovers or withdrawals. I accept the fact that I’m an alcoholic and a drug addict and I will never successfully be able to go back to my old ways. The sober life is so much more better I almost can’t express it with words. The only way is forward. Thanks for reaching out tonight. You definitely helped me stay sober one more day.
Congratulations on you 8 days! The first week is usually the hardest, so you’re doing great. I can relate to your post and remember using every single one of those excuses at some point over the years. It’s great that you’re starting to recognise how silly our ‘reasons’ to drink can get.
