I’ve been struggling with mental illness my entire life. I have had life ruining levels of anxiety since I was a child. I am much better than I was then, but I still have at least one panic attack before bed.
I know a lot of people tend to think more at night. I think that’s why my stability drops at night. I can have a great day, but once I lay in bed everything goes downhill. I start thinking of relapse and of everything I really shouldn’t be thinking about. A few minutes alone with my thoughts can send me into complete crisis.
Right now I have the worst pit in my stomach and I’m nauseous from anxiety. Nothing at all has happened to cause this.
I have PTSD and get horrible nightmares/night terrors every night without fail. This makes my sleep not at all restful, and I already have a few health conditions that affect energy levels.
I say that I can’t take this anymore very often. But I’m not suicidal (not ususally at least). I just want something to change, but I know that this is going to take a long time to fix. I’m not even in a place I can properly heal since I live with abusive parents.
This was mostly to vent I guess. I’m just so exhausted of this same cycle I’ve had my entire life. One day I will get out of this town and I’ll start over. I just have to make it until then
@SadMemeQueen thanks for writing I feel for you. I have lifelong depression/anxiety as well and the anxiety definitely gets worse at night. What has helped me is taking my atypical antipsychotic Latuda at around 8pm. Everybody is different but this drug has been a miracle pill for me, almost curing my depression and anxiety (I also take a hefty dose of Cymbalta).
Then I take Valerian, Magnesium and melatonin to help me sleep. Usually out by 9pm. If I get racing thoughts I pray to my Higher Power (God) and do some meditating.
I hear you about exhaustion during the day. I had a really hard time with it coming off IV opioids cold turkey and that fuelled my stimulant addiction. Thank God no more meth, but I am currently relying on 3 or 4 Red Bulls a day.
I’m not sure I’ve been helpful but just wanted to let you know I care and am listening.
Hey Megan, sorry you’re having awfully bad nights. In your post you said nothing has really happened to cause the pit you are feeling but the next paragraph you mentioned PTSD and having horrid nightly terrors.
Shit, if I knew without fail I’d be having a terrible dream at night, every night, I’d be getting worried around bedtime too!
If you haven’t tried a therapist and been completely honest about everything in your past then I recommend you do. If you have, and they didn’t help you, try someone else. We find what works and we work it! Hugs
Just knowing that someone is listening is super helpful. I’m very glad you’re meth-free now, that’s awesome. You did help quite a bit though. I’ve been meaning to talk to my psychiatrist about adjusting/trying some new meds but I keep convincing myself nothing is going to help. I’ll definitely talk to him about it now instead of just lying.
My friend is always telling me similar things. I get mad at myself for feeling bad when nothing has happened but he reminds me off the stiff I’ve dealt with and the stuff I’m currently dealing with. I just tend to feel like my emotions are never valid.
I’m in therapy, I just keep dancing around the topic of my past. I know processing is going to be really difficult, but I know I can’t get better until I process.
Thank you for your support
Venting is always good. It’s what this place and we all are here for. You keep plodding along and put in the work. One day at a time as with all in life. It takes many many small steps. I’ve been living with anxiety for 40 years or so and finally, since I became sober, I find the room in my head to work on it. In therapy and in the rest of my life. It’s not gone (yet) but I’m making progress. So proud of you you are already putting in the work now. Keep going. It’s very tough but doable and the only way towards a better happier healthier life. Hugs.
Hey @SadMemeQueen Megan, what do you think makes you dance around your issues with your therapist? Is is missing trust? Suspecting they will also react a certain way when you tell them stuff? Maybe not validate your feelings? If so, talk about what’s holding you back with them at least, if you can’t talk about your problems yet. That would already be a step forward. Just mention you have problems letting yourself go and say what is on your mind.
In general, you want to get to a place in therapy where you don’t consider what you’re saying anymore, but you speak freely what comes to mind and what you feel. No filter. No censure.
I feel for you. Depression and anxiety here too since my teens and I’m the queen of fucking nightmares. Just waking up from a miserable night here myself. But overall my conditions have so so improved with good, intensive psychotherapy.
Give it time and built your relationship with your therapist. And be honest.
could you explain your viewpoint a bit more? it sounds to me like you’re saying ppl like us should perhaps view our depression/mental illness as God-given? or should we rely on God to take it away?
I disagree with both.
I was a psychiatric scribe for 5 years and the medication treatment I saw used most successfully for nightmares is a blood pressure medication called Prazosin. Might be worth asking your doctor about if you haven’t tried it.
I guess it’s just fear of speaking about what happened in general. When I remember things I can convince myself what happened was either not real, or was my fault. I’ve had very brief moments of clarity and I just felt so helpless and like I was never going to be anything more than my trauma. I know that feeling will pass with time. I just wish I could somehow process without the hard parts.
I’m not trying to start a religious debate, I’m just sharing my thoughts.
The concept of God to me has always made me angry. Supposedly he has this grand plan of how my life to go. I don’t care if what I’ve been through will lead to me being a perfect person, I can’t look up to any being that has forced that upon me.
Anyway I appreciate you responding and trying to help
