I have struggled with addiction for 10 years now (I am 27). I’ve gone stretches sober, but always seem to go back to it for mainly one reason: existing in social situations, especially at night, without drinking is so very difficult.
I am personally a huge social drinker, and i rarely desire to start drinking alone (unless ive already been drinking that day). I caNOT moderate myself on a night out. I often find myself drinking even when everyone else is sober. For me, it is the warmest safest blanket; a sure fire way to turn my brain-noise down and to feel calm and present. Of course, this is only until the next morning or the second I sober up, and then I am so anxious, guilty, dehydrated, weak, dysfunctional, regretting it so deeply.
I can stay sober until the second I decide to socialize in a setting where alcohol is permitted (bars, restaurants, comedy clubs, house parties, etc.) I would love for this forum to be a place for people to share their best tips for HOW to stay grounded, competent and sober on nights out like this. Especially in early recovery, how is it possible? What tools/safe-gaurds/mindset shifts do you use to survive this part of life?
Most of us have been there. And, you may not want to hear this, but most of us avoided those situations for the first year or so while we worked on sobriety. Not sure I met anyone who was able to get, and stay, sober without avoiding the bar scene for a while.
But, if you put in the work on sobriety, you may reach the point where you can hang out at clubs, however you will probably realize you don’t want to.
Welcome, riri! I, too, could go a few days without drinking but could not stop once I had one. And yeah, I used it to deal with my awkwardness and anxiety, and I used to tell myself I was more fun and relaxed and a better friend/spouse/daughter when I wasn’t as uptight as I normally am. Maybe that was true for a while, but then I was blacking out, saying stupid things, doing really stupid things…and things started spiraling down the drain.
I agree with @Englishd . If you feel like your drinking is not 100% under your control, you may want to stay out of those situations, at least for now. For me, thinking about never drinking again was really intimidating and hard at first, so you can even just take a break, a couple of months, and see how you feel about it. I feel so much better sober (and hate myself so much less). It’s been worth it for me.
Also, fully unsolicited advice, but the way you wrote about turning down your brain noise 100% sounds like me, and I ended up trying some low dose anti-anxiety meds that have helped with that a LOT.
I actually really appreciate this insight!!! it makes me feel better about avoiding those situations too lol. I dont want to feel weak, but maybe those situations just arent safe for anyone in early recovery.
Thank you so much for your reply and sharing your personal experience, it means a lot to me! If you are comfortable sharing, at what point in your sobriety did you feel comfortable attending those kind of situations again?
It varied by situation, honestly. And I was never a huge bar person. It’s more like–am I obsessing about whether I can drink? Can I tell the people I’m with I’m not drinking and will they support that or give me shit? And then having a solid plan in place for getting out early when you feel tempted.
It sucks for a while, truthfully, but is really worth the effort IMO.
I am by no means a reformed character (I managed 6 months clean 2 years ago and that was by far the longest stint I have ever managed - I am attempting the same again currently)
I avoided social situations initially last time round and that helped me get going (first 2-3 weeks) after that I went along and stayed sober. The thing I found was actually the opposite of what I expected - rather than thinking ‘I wish I could be doing what they were doing’ I noticed the stupid things people would say, how they became less like ‘them’ the more they drank - and in some ways I felt more socially competent being sober when everyone else wasn’t. Suddenly I was the one who seemed to be listened to more than usual.
it was a strange experience to begin with but I grew to enjoy being sober and watching the hangovers start to form in others while I planned what I would be doing early next morning
Howdy i tell my guys to stay away from pubs and clubs in early sobriety till they get stronger in their sobriety , meetings and program helps wish you well
Welcome. You’re able to recognize your biggest trigger to want to drink which is great. The fact that you don’t like drinking alone also can be an advantage in building your sobriety. The biggest challenge I faced early on was the mental part when I was alone because I drank alone more than anything. People already mentioned it, but best to avoid those social situations with drinking until you have a solid foundation. People, places, and things concept won’t keep you sober alone but it is an important thing to remember to aid you in your journey. If you like social stuff you’ll fit right in with a program like AA. Like minded people trying to stay sober and help each other. With a solid foundation and remembering to check your motivation for those social situations you’ll be able to be around drinking and not be bothered by it. Takes time and work to get there though. Take it a day at a time, stick to a program that works for you and you’ll be alright
I really love this perspective. I think if i could adapt this kind of mindset shift, it would help me so much. I am wishing you all the luck in the world to stay clean, i know you can do it!
This sounds like my experience as well @riri. I avoided social settings with drinking for a good 3 months. Once I had 90 days I wanted to keep my streak going and felt strong enough to try. And I would just OBSERVE everyone drinking. It was so enlightening. My advice for whenever you do decide to go out: have an exit strategy if you start to feel weak in your resolve. Remind yourself of your pre-arranged plan in those moments and leave if you need to. Protect your sobriety, it is precious. It gets easier the more you flex your sober muscles I think of it as my superpower:telling alcohol to stay the fuck away from me. You got this!
I think of it as my superpower:telling alcohol to stay the fuck away from me. You got this!