Expansion of the Seeking Help category

Announcements
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Seeking Help is an opt-in category for a variety of topics that may be triggering on the main forum.

Moving forward, Seeking Help is not only for those posting under the influence (which can trigger someone in substance use recovery). Seeking Help is also an appropriate category for discussing harm reduction, tapering, mental health crises, suicidal ideation and other issues that may not be appropriate on the main forum.

We have observed that continuing the discussion can often help members gain perspective/new viewpoints, as well as moving from sober curious to abstinence. This doesn’t mean we would be advocating for moderating drinking or THC use, etc, it means we would be hopeful that a more nuanced discussion could be had in Seeking Help versus shutting down/silencing the conversation.

Over the years we have seen posts from members who are experiencing a mental health crisis, sometimes including suicidal ideation, which may or may not stem from their recovery from substance use/addiction. Because such posts are often quite literally members seeking help, we have decided to include these types of posts in the Seeking Help category. We are peers supporting each other on Talking Sober, we are not necessarily trained mental health professionals. This is a sobriety focused site, but we understand there is an intersection between mental health and substance use/addiction recovery. We wish to provide a space for people to be heard and supported.

Seeking Help is an opt-in group. If you join the group, you will get access to this category where you are allowed to post while under the influence or in crisis. Though we discourage posting while under the influence, we do understand it happens. You will also see posts from other members who may be under the influence, as well as discussions you may find disturbing or disagree with - be aware and keep yourself safe.

Our hope is that an expansion of the Seeking Help category will allow for a space to help more members feel supported in their journey toward recovery and healing. Therefore, you may notice more threads being moved to Seeking Help and more discussions being kept open. Please be aware that we always notify the original poster when moving a thread to Seeking Help.

Go to Seeking Help for support / assistance when needed. Don’t go there trying to bash sobriety or other members. All other forum rules and guidelines still apply.

Here’s the link to opt into the Seeking Help category:

http://talkingsober.com/groups/Seeking_Help

After you join the group, you’ll see a new category in the category drop-down. Here’s the link to it:

http://talkingsober.com/c/seeking-help

Just as Seeking Help is an opt-in, you can also opt-out if you prefer. Also, muting threads can be helpful. Please let a moderator know via PM to @moderators if you require assistance with this.

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I think it all sounds great and good for the benefit of the Talking Sober community.

While I was reading this post each time I saw the abbreviation SH ( for seeking help) my mind identified it as Self Harm which is commonly used in the forum.

For that reason I don’t think it’s a good idea to use SH when describing seeking help, I think it’s confusing.

Looks like lots of work and thought went into this transition, thank you to everyone involved.

Editing to add a big thank you to the moderators for leaving a lot of the conversations in place without deleting them, when sometimes the conversations themselves could be breaching the edges of what should and should not be discussed. I’ve seen many times where the conversations did lead to good outcome.

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Thank you so much for such a detailed and informative post!
I know im not alone in appreciating all the work the moderators put into this.
Truly grateful :pray:

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Thanks so much Alisa, we have been working on this Announcement for quite some time and never made the SH / self harm connection. We appreciate you quickly letting us know so we could fix. All updated, I think. Thank you!!

Edited to add…we agree!!!

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Thank you! I appreciate the expansion as I noticed various discussions on the main forum that could be disturbing/triggering, some were for me.

As for the information paradoxon, you don’t know the content until you read it. So extending the seeking help category installs a filter where you must be aware to find potentially disturbing/triggering content if reading around AND you have to opt-in to participate. For healthy boundary reasons I very much appreciate this solution.

Also for safety reasons this is a good idea. Especially in acute crisis / mental health discussions I sometimes notice sharing of very personal information. I think
protecting this kind of vulnerable information/sharing in an opt-in/out category is a very good idea.

I noticed recently that members tend to open new threads for every small question. I want to suggest considering merging threads from same users more frequently for tidyness of the forum.

I also noticed that especially new users in the last months ask basic questions obviously without reading or searching on TS to inform themselfs before they post.

I understand that finding this helpful community is wonderful and people want to participate immediately. For me, as I’m reading a lot, not content-specific headlines and a mentality of “bring me information/interact with me” instead of actively reading rules, guidelines and resources for recovery first is straining and sometimes enervating. I don’t have a real solution to this. What I would like to suggest is making the basic threads like rules, guidelines, resources for recovery, starting sobriety etc. more visible on the forum. Me personally I like threads that are pinned globally. I’m sure there are many more possibilities and I’m sure I haven’t figured out all forum functions.

Thank you for your work and committment and thank you that we may share our opinion :pray::sunflower::sun_with_face:

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Some basic threads are pinned for newcomers. Then once they unpin them they go down the order, which is why you don’t see them as pinned as you have already done that (I assume).
If you stay on the forum for a long time, you will definitely notice the pattern you describe, and at times get fatigued. But we all crawl before we walk.
If you start to feel stressed by it, remember you don’t have to interact with all threads. I know I have periods when I act as a welcoming committee, and times when I step back and let others take a turn. That is the great thing about having such an active forum. :purple_heart:

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Thank you Flo, I completely forgot the pinned threads for newcomers. Now I remember, they were a very helpful starting point for me :pray:

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I was one of those. I was so desperate when I got here. In my mind, the more active I was, the safer I was.

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I’ve debated for a while whether I should post this or not, especially because most people think I’m an asshole already.

I think it’s great that so many people here are willing to jump in and help with strangers they don’t even know.

But when it comes to Mental Health crisis/breakdowns I hope people can recognize their limitations in delivering help. Often times a person needs specific interventions far more than support, or even worse incorrect interventions. There’s a reason people train for years in delivering crisis intervention services. Over the years I have seen some truly terrifying advice given to people in crisis and bit scares me. I have a fairly extensive training in many of these things and still opt out of jumping in out of fear of making it worse.

It’s great that we all want to be helpful, but sometimes the best help we can give is not getting involved. I’m sure many of you think this doesn’t apply to you, but I ask you to really take a look at whether you are able to safely and competently deliver crisis intervention services,

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I have nothing to add.

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This is so spot on - I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for saying so.

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Brilliant share there!

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I don’t want to put current members on blast, but can absolutely give you some concrete examples privately.

One I see often is around suicide. Telling someone you are there for them, when you actually can’t (which is online) is detriment. When people are thinking of suicide you want to get them to a place where they can create a safety plan.

I’ve seen people tell survivors of abuse to reach out to their abuser to get closure. Which can actually worsen existing power imbalances.

I’ve seen members here encourage others to go off their medication without speaking with a doctor.

These are just what I can state publicly without fear of actually attacking someone.

I get that people mean well, but it’s important to recognize our own limitations. Performing any crisis intervention online is very difficult. I think it’s important to remain mindful of that. That’s why I don’t intervene. Don’t let your negative view of me detract from the point I’m trying to make. I’ve been involved in these situations in real life. I’m on the crisis intervention team at work. And despite a lot of training I know that I am of little use over the internet.

Hope this adds a little more concrete stuff to my post. If you want more send me a message and I can certainly highlight others

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I can’t message you cuz you’re on private mode.

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I like to think that but also who is going to teach? I don’t believe trial n error is a safe way. For me I’ve a ton of classroom instruction and role play with people who are certified to teach. Additionally I’ve had to use those skills in real life. Including threats of violence, suicidal ideations with a plan, overdoses, active domestic violence situations, and episodes of schizophrenia while unmedicated.

It’s hard. Like really hard. And uncomfortable. And scary.

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I support your opinion, I’ve seen some really bad advice on health issues (not only mental health) over time.

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I understand what you are saying. I certainly cannot deliver crisis services. But when someone posts in pain “not getting involved” can seem like callous ignoring of their situation. Which doesn’t seem ideal either. I feel like there could be a balance somewhere. Being present and open, but not advising, for example.

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