My main question is, what is the “normal” expectation of the other person. …Should I too abstain from drinking? Ive tried to research suggestions, but no posts are really in the same position.
The background, my husband and I have been married for almost 15 years. I love him, he loves me, we are great. We’ve made a great life for ourselves. We are NOT big drinkers to begin with. We have a weekly date night, and would sit quietly at a bar, have dinner and have a drink…Maybe even 2, and share a dessert. This was the only time we would have a drink (and dessert) throughout the week (other than on vacations). It’s a little time to go “crazy” and splurge.
I am a stay at home mom, I homeschool my kids, I do not get out for adult time at all, and that’s okay because I am an extreme introvert. The Sunday date night is the extent of my weekly “excitement”. So it was a time I looked forward to, a relaxing 2 hours having a quiet date night, catching up on the week and plans for the next week.
Recently my husband has made the decision to abstain from alcohol. And that’s great for him. But Im not enjoying that it’s always being brought up. Like its being thrown in my face, he mentions it randomly, even in texts. When someone says something about it, like the bartender when he asks if he wants the usual…“my wife doesnt want me to drink” …it’s not funny. I asked him if he expected me to stop too, he said “no, you dont have to”. But I feel like Im being judged by him, and others. I feel strange sitting at our usual quiet date night bar and me having a drink while he’s sitting there drinking water (we arent even soda drinkers). While it’s only one night a week, and not enough to be intoxicated, I feel like it’s a big change…a time I really enjoy together, having adult time.
Maybe Im romantacizing it. But it was like a treat at the end of the week. Ive read other posts and suggesting doing something different, going bowling, going to activities, seeing a movie…and those are wonderful ideas. However, after crazy days and weeks with kiddos 24/7, and doing activities with them I want to just stop, relax and talk with the husband I love, maybe chit chat with other locals like an adult.
So my question is, what is your expectation of the other person? Is it for them to stop too? Is it to just be supportive and suck it up even though the changes impact both parties? Is it to not sit at the bar and sit at a table instead? I want to be supportive, but Im torn. Do I need that one drink a week, No. Do I want it, yes. Do I feel judged by him and others while I have my drink and he orders a water, Yes.
If I made the choice to abstain, live a sober lifestyle. I want it to be for me, not because someone pressured me into doing it, but I feel like there’s a tension there when I place my order. Anyone have suggestions either perspective? Thanks!