Who else has this issue? Why can’t people just be ok with you not drinking.
“Why can’t you control yourself?”
How do you respond when it is a close friend or spouse? I know I jokingly said to say “Fuck off”, but I would not really do that to anyone anyway.
It is like I am damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
11 Likes
I would ask them why it matters to them so much what I choose to put into my body.
When it comes to not drinking, I don’t really give a damn what other people think about it. It’s my choice, just the same as it’s your choice.
13 Likes
I’m not sure how to explain it because I’m not sure that I know the reason myself… it’s an interesting question.
The obvious answer would just be that brain chemistry is the difference, in the same way that some people are vulnerable to addiction to prescription painkillers and others are not…
Or is the way the person reacts as an individual, so some people might want to dance, some might get loud and want to talk a lot, some go quiet and depressed, some of us just lose the ability to know when to not have more drink.
The drink lowers inhibitions and one of those inhibitions is recognising when to stop drinking.
6 Likes
Hi Daphne, good question. I am quite new to sobriety (2,5 months), and in addition to that I have turned into being really anti-social! 
I guess because right now I don’t want to give explanations about “why I can’t control myself”.
I’m general I think people tend to ask you that question, because in that way you are the one with the problem, and it takes the attention off their own unhealthy habit. Besides that, drinking is something that generally is seen as the most normal thing in the world, everybody does it, so why the hell would you not want to be part of it?
The times I’ve been asked lately, I say that I feel better without alcohol and cigarettes (for me they go hand in hand). Simple but true response.
5 Likes
Surely by not drinking, you are controlling yourself
8 Likes
We can be ok with them not being ok with us not drinking, besides its your health and well being at stake, not anyone else’s
5 Likes
I explained my alcoholic brain to them. My Dad didnt understand until I truly explained that I’m wired differently. He 1uit drinking 40 years ago and doesn’t understand why I cant just stop at 1.
Hes coming around and extremely supportive now tho
2 Likes
For those close to me, I do try to explain to them how my brain works. For random people I barely know, I just tell them I don’t drink cuz nothing positive comes out of it lol. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone if I don’t want to. Saying no should be enough and if they keep pushing it, I leave cuz they obviously aren’t respecting my boundaries. Those close to me usually have seen how using drugs has effected my life and are completely willing to accept the “my brain is wired differently” explanation. But what I have noticed is that they think alcohol is diff from drugs. Which it isn’t. Alcohol IS a drug. They know I have issues with drugs but bcuz I am not really a drinker they think that I don’t have an issue with it and can have a glass of wine or something here n there. Reality is, I can get addicted to almost anything. Once I start trying to fill that void with an outside “source”, it can potentially become a problem. So why would I even risk my recovery to test their theory? Lol I just don’t. Once they see I’m happier without any mind altering substance, the questions usually decrease 
3 Likes
I say, that ‘l’m just not drinking ATM’ and that usually suffices.
For those inquisitive, persistent people, l can say something like - “ Look, it’s like this, l’m a pickle with my drinking. I took it too far and now l can no longer go back to being a plain ol’ cucumber. Now, would you mind passing me an olive?!” Simple.
For those interested in a reference. AA ‘Living Sober’ Ch.4 Pg.8 - ‘We cannot change our body chemistry and go back to being the normal, moderate social drinkers lots of us seemed to be in our youth.
As some of us put it, we can no more make that change than a pickle can change itself into a cucumber.’
4 Likes
To me, my brain would do the following:
I’ll just have this one. It will be fine.
The next day
I could have just one drink again. I was fine yesterday.
The next day…
More drinks
Rinse, repeat, and the amount of drinks will steadily increase
- Roller coaster goes off tracks *
7 Likes
This is me to a tee! Just say NO TO THE FIRST DRINK!!!
1 Like
This is it exactly!
So true my friend…
Now we just make delicious tapenade and enjoy LIFE a lot more.
Have a lovely week 
2 Likes
I’m a gym bunny, so for me it’s easy to say as I’ve got older it just is not that appealing and I want to have a good healthy quality of life, (which is not a lie) , but I honestly dont think it’s anybodies business. You don’t need to justify yourself to anybody and I think that was the general consensus of the replies in this thread.
True friends I’ve found really don’t care whether you have a drink in your hand or not. They are just happy to be spending fun time with you.
Any new potential friends who are uncomfortable with my choices (not drinking etc) I wouldn’t want to expend energy on anyway.
3 Likes
Yes the symptoms! Some people dont get it!!