I’ve joined a book club and i am very nervous about attending tonight. I’ve not really socialised with people without alcohol for a very long time, and i always socialised in a pub/bar setting.
Im scared im going to appear really anxious; I am dreading it. I know i need to go because It is the best way to progress my life, and meet new people, but I am absolutely terrified that i will fuck it up some how, or just be totally awkward.
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You’ll be fine friend. I know the feeling very well, the merry go around of anxiety about getting anxious, thus becoming ever more anxious, and making it a self fulfilling prophecy kind of thing… We have to find a way to step out of this circle. And you will be doing that by going there, by being present. By experiencing life sober. I’m really proud of you for taking this step. You know, it might be awkward at first, but I can promise you it won’t be worse than how you feel now. It actually will feel better I promise you. All success to you, and hoping it will be a very good experience for you.
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Thank you, despite the anxiety and dread i feel, i am looking forward to it. I just have not done anything like this for literally years!
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Good luck. Great move, that’s definitely something I have always wanted to join too. remember that you don’t HAVE to fill spaces, in fact, people talk TOO much. Enjoy it and engage if you want to. It’s ok to be shy Bert! It’s not a character flaw.
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Those kind of situations i find it helps me to just admit to people that im nervous, that i havent done this for years, i think it shows honesty and breaks the ice
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I totally understand that. Moving forward, it helps to remember a lot of being social is a skill, which can be learnt. Also always good to remember that people always focus more on themselves than other people.
Which book will you read? I am going to a PTA cooking class tomorrow at my daughter’s school, have much the same feelings.
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They actually don’t assign a book to read, they just discuss what they’ve read, and contrive different subjects each week, such as this week where we will discuss books we were perhaps not so taken by. Which is tough, since I’ve rather enjoyed all my recent reads!
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Just think its only a couple hours tops. You can do anything for an hour or two. You can do it.
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Well, 45 minutes. Every part of me just wants to go home. Im fucking losing it, im anxious i cant concentrate on anything, my heart is beating hard and my whole body is so tense, im not even there yet, im a grown man and i feel i want to curl into a ball and cry. I wish i could just lie on my bed and read on my own.
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This is anxiety but it wont be as bad as you think, big deep breaths, you can do this and its going to be ok, we are with you 
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Maybe you skip this one. Call or text your regrets and take yourself outside where you can sit and breath.
You don’t have to do anything. It is nice to push yourself out of your zone but you don’t need to get that done today.
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Im going to try do some mindfulness before i go in. Im sure ill be okay once im in, once im in im trapped anyways so it don’t matter. Its one hour, i can survive one hour, if it goes fking terrible then that’s life. I go home and sleep it off. Thanks for your support guys.
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You aren’t trapped. You are in control here. You will make it through this. 🩷
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A few more things just in case you need them.
My mental health tends more towards depression but my pal anxiety is hiding under there too. I like to remember that someone else has had the exact same thoughts that I have. The world is a dark place, Greeks. I will survive, Gloria Gaynor. The more I talk and read the more I realize that my mental health is not exceptionally weird.
In a crowd like on public transit I play this game. Steal glances at people and guess what it is that they know that I don’t. Everyone knows something you don’t (and not in a paranoid creepy way 
). Woodworking? How to scam a vending machine? The secret to growing the biggest carrots at home? Who will it be.
You aren’t alone in the world and you aren’t alone in this struggle. Please remember to check back in if this pushes you to want to check out with a drink.
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When I find myself in a situation similar to yours, I visualize what a successful night looks like. I play it through in my mind. That gives me a blueprint as to how it will go, then, all I have to do is follow the blueprint.
Then, when in the moment, breathe, observe, listen, be present. The more present you are, the less in your head you become.
These things take practice, don’t expect anything grand at first. And if your worse fears come to pass, you deserve a pat on the back because you still did it, and that is what counts.
You got this!
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To echo the comments of others - people tend to think about themselves more than others; and if you’re not comfortable voicing your thoughts or opinions about a topic in the book - a tried and trusty method to turn the convo: “what a great question - what did you think about XYZ?” Or “what lead you to that conclusion?” Or “why do you think (character) did it? What was their motivation?” - even if you haven’t read the book, you can totally pull ideas from others - and people generally love talking about themselves or their opinions 
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I get the exact same thing, its pure anxiety which is the fear of something before it happens and it builds over time, i almost made myself really ill when it was coming up to my daughters first day at school then when it happened it was fine…its the fear in the build up to things that can be intolerable…i totally understand…it will be fine once your there im sure of it, what helped me alot was working on my self esteem
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Well, im alive. I had to walk past a pub on the way to the station, not going to lie the pull was there, but I resisted! I had a good time, i didn’t know many of the books that people discussed but that was okay, i was happy to be there. My anxiety was really high, but i managed to pull through and on my turn, shared my opinion without any issues. Next week it will be easier. Thank you so much for your support, I a really anxious person but all your reassurances helped me a bunch!
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Yes!!! Im so glad to read this!! Well done 
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Clapping madly here 
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