16 days sober today from booze and smokes I stopped both at the same time which actually worked out better than I thought… been ups and downs which is to be expected… today is more of a low day. Was in a pretty toxic seeming relationship for the past year and I am in day 10 of no contact as well so I am basically detoxing from a person too… trying to stay busy but damn this shit is hard sometimes. I’m not going to crack but it just makes me sad thinking that my ex is fine and I am still struggling. Proud of my sobriety though. I know the relationship was not healthy so logically i get why I am out of it. But the lonliness sucks and can be a trigger. Not sure what I am looking for here just ranting a bit. I hope everyone is well. This site has helped hugely.
Good for you. Definitely not easy but it will get better. I used to fool myself into thinking that some of my crappy relationships were better than being alone. But they’re not. And bad relationships are often the reason people keep drinking (or so it seems from what I’ve been reading on here). This is your spa time. Time to rest and recover. No toxins. Play music you enjoy. Take a long hot bath. Go for a run. Read a good book. Being alone can be a luxury. You’re doing great.
Let it rip We have two ears and two eyes. Can’t fix it but we can understand your pain. And for the record your not alone. And your ex probably isn’t fine. So just focus on you!!! Good luck
Ah that’s not easy I’m going through a similar situation. Your sobriety is priority number one right now, anything else can be second to it. The loneliness will go away with time. Just go out and meet as many people that will benefit you as you can. In my opinion we need to be some what selfish in our recovery.
At least that’s what I’m trying to do…
Booze, partner and ex? That’s huge. And 16 days - amazing! I know what you mean about the loneliness, but without the booze you have a much better chance of keeping things under control. Start drinking and everything goes sideways!
And being independent can be a Godsend most of the time - I do what I want whenever I fancy it and that suits me just fine.
Thanks guys I really appreciate the feedback and support. That relationship definitely helped kept me in a cycle of needing to numb out with booze to manage the stress of all the fighting we did. I can’t hold hate in my heart so I do hope he is well. Just an odd time stripping away all the layers i have been hiding behind. Veiwing this phase of my life as a cleansing period. Removing all the poison from my life… people… substances… thought patterns… habits in general. It is a time to be somewhat selfish. It’s weird actually feeling feelings…
Congrats!! People often under estimate the power a toxic person can have on their lives. It will get easier, I’ve been through something similar.
Have you tried making a list of things you’ll be able to do with your new sober / smoke free / single self?
Also check these worksheets out…they really helped me get on track. Rediscovering myself and what I really want out of life helped get me excited and feeling better about the loneliness: http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm
Yes! That’s it, feeling feelings. I am not used to that.
61 days, no drugs or alcohol. Everyone is watching me to keep me on track. I know, that’s a good thing. But I’m wishing they would turn their backs long enough for me to sneak away. Feeling extremely guilty for having these feelings after so many have helped me. Emotional wreck. So lonely
What you are doing is amazing @Peace.
As people have said, treasure this alone time. Use it to just be with yourself, pamper yourself and organize yourself. It is a great feeling when you can make yourself happy. I have never done this properly and I feel the damaging effects. After my last breakup I just had a glimmer of those independent feelings. It was so freeing.
I am in a relationship again and lovely as it is I want some of that independence and time to reflect back.
Thank you for such encouragement. I really hadn’t thought of that. Going to a treatment center tonight to hear my sponsor speak to remind myself where I was 61 days ago. Again, thank you for your time and kind words
Awesome everyone… with this app and all you amazing supportive people it seems totally possible to stay on track. In the past I would fill the void with another void… by drinking or running out and finding another relationship before I am truly ready. I have some deep inner work to do and it isn’t always going to be smooth sailing… if it were easy everyone would do it. But it isnt impossible either! 
"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."
Muhammad Ali
Hi @Peggy_Conger congratulation on 61 days. Remember even if people “turn their backs long enough for you to speak away” In the end YOU will always know, and that’s all that matters.
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible” Audrey Hepburn
Beautiful words & exactly what I’m doing now. We are both 17 days sober too 
Go us! Let’s keep at it.
Keep focused on this theme of cleansing. Inner & outer cleansing. See yourself being sober, see yourself being happier & healthier, see yourself being independent & enjoying it, see yourself dropping all negative habits & people, see yourself manifesting all of this into being. You have the power to shape your experience, your life. You just have to tap into it. Get through the loneliness without medicating & you will find a priceless treasure on the other side. You! A person who is whole & doesn’t need anything or anyone else to feel complete. Then you can attract healthy relationships that add love, peace & positivity to your life not the opposite.
All the best. You got this!
Thank you! So true best wishes to you on your journey. Lets make this our year.
Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been having marital problems for several months now. Even though we say we’re working on things I don’t think I’ve ever been more lonely… It also hasn’t helped my recovery process. I’ve had relapse after relapse in the last month. Be stronger than I have…
I’m sorry to hear that you have been struggling. Glad you are still here and trying as that speaks volumes. It is super difficult breaking ties with someone you love(d). I don’t know your specific situation but I know how painful it is to lose someone you truly care about. It’s a massive ongoing trigger. I guess we just have to keep our heads up and keep venting… keeping it in is always what leads me to make bad choices, so not doing that this time.
I’m at 47 days sober. From drinking and my ex. Had a relapse and text my ex on Valentine’s Day since then I’ve gone no contact again. Still trying to sort through all the emotions and getting better from the toxic relationship I had with him and drinking. But I started reading a book that has been very beneficial it’s called getting past your breakup by Susan j. Elliott. I strongly recommend getting your hands on it.
I will check that book out. Good for you, you should be proud of yourself… I know how hard both things are to quit… keep going girl 