Feeling like a failure today after messing up again, I had been sober for a short while and thought I was going well but managed to write myself off and am back at the beginning. My partner told me last time that if I did it again he would cancel our holiday and break up with me but for some dumb reason that didn’t scare me enough and the pull of the alcohol was too strong. He is the only person that has ever tried to help me and even stopped drinking in April to support me so I have no excuse for not doing my part as I’m not doing it alone. Any tips for how to get serious about winning this battle?
Try going to a meeting meet people who can identify with your problem , and get phone numbers lift the phone before the bottle might help you and your hubby having a good holiday
I might give that a try, I have got an appointment set up with a alcohol treatment team when I get back. We go on holidays on Saturday and I’m hoping it will give me a chance to break the cycle and get back on track. Thanks for the suggestion
It appears you need more than your partners support to remain sober. You need a program. Many of us on his forum have found that AA provides much needed support and tools to remain sober. Give it a try.
Thanks for the suggestions just reading the topics on here certainly makes you realise your not the only one that struggles with it, it’s just sad that it’s so mainstream and that people think your weird for not wanting to drink.
Are you picking yourself up and trying again? If so, you didn’t fail. You messed up, had a setback, however you want to label it. Failing is not always defined by an event, it’s defined in a lot of cases by your actions after the event, in my opinion. You’re here. That’s a step toward redemption. And I agree, at least try AA or another program. Or a few if you have alternatives in your area.
Your certainly not alone! Have realistic expectations of your situation. You didn’t become an alcoholic overnight. To change, and identify your triggers takes work. Mere willpower isn’t all it takes. There’s a lot of re-wiring, psychological and habitual changes you need accomplish.
I haven’t met one person that succeeded in cold turkey. There will be relapses and lapses. Especially, if you don’t truly commit.
Sending lots of hope and support.
Like @Violet said, it sounds like you are willing to try again. To keep going. That in no way is failure. As long as you are still trying, every sober day earned is yours to keep.
You slipped up and learned something. This is a serious disease that most can’t conquer alone. AA has worked for many of us. Give it a try😊
I’m definitely here to try again, I don’t like the feeling the next day when your not sure what you might have said or done. I’d rather be bored and sober than a drunken idiot. I’ve put myself in danger and done stupid things and it’s time to get real about looking after myself. Thanks for the words of encouragement it really does feel good to have an outlet.
I agree. My husband tried too and he tried ultimatums etc. it didn’t work. I ended up losing everything but he’s still supporting me to get help and get healthy. You need AA and sober support. Do it!
I hear ya. Open up and be honest and keep trying. Don’t give up. Even if you drink again don’t give up. Keep trying. Your time will come.
I’m sorry you’re feeling defeated. I’ve been there many MANY TIMES, but sometimes it’s not just about “getting serious” as it is 'getting real". Most of us on here are extremely sincere and serious about getting sober but once the harsh realities of life and how to cope take over, so do our learned or inherited behaviors.
What’s helped me “get REAL” and sustain myself through the struggles of staying sober is focusing not on the abstinence of alcohol but the abundance of love that grows in it’s absence. Granted, this love doesn’t come right away or without sustained effort, but soon the small subtle changes will bring on visible results.
It makes me think of the kids book The Velveteen Rabbit and the role LOVE has in making us REAL people and not just human shells getting through life coping instead of truly transforming. The transition hurts and we may loose things and people along the way, but those who love us for not only us, but for our potential will see beyond the shabby bits of ourselves and see the strength and endurance we slowly attain on our journey to recovery.
You’re already serious, you just have to build experience and sobriety muscles. Before anyone learns to walk they first have to crawl, and when taking the first steps there is bound to be a few falls before we can walk tall, then once you get the hang of that, you’ll be running along with the other runners in this long distance race to our true REAL sober selves.
"Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand."