I feel like I’ve come so far and now I feel like it’s winning me I’m constantly thinking about drink. I’ve played a dangerous game an tried to keep my cravings at bay by drinking non alcoholic beers but other than the obvious I want to feel anything other than the way I’m feeling now. My on and off boyfriend of 3 years has decided were not right for each other and it’s stupid and pathetic that it’s doing this to me but to me I feel broke.
I know a drink won’t make it better. I know times a healer I’ll get through it. But ever since all I can think about is numbing the pain. The thought of restarting my counter only a month ago wouldn’t have crossed my mind and now it doesn’t even bother me. I’m justifying if I have a few knowing I won’t stop. I used to think of drinking as a dark time horrible depressing suffocating times. Now I’m thinking it would be light and fluffy. I love Christmas and I want to make it special for my little boy it was going to be my first sober and that makes me guilty before I’ve even touched the stuff! I just feel so alone and defeated…
You are not alone, you have all people here that are supporting you. You still havent start to drink just thinking about it so its a win. And I am sure you know that if you drink tomorrow on hangover everything will look even more horrifying then today
I don’t really have much for you. You’ve been sober for like 6 months right?? sorry about you situation. It does suck to lose someone. And drinking won’t bring them back. Drinking will only bring the old you back. The you that until recently, you left behind.
Only you know why you quit pal. I’m sure it was for the same reason all of us did. We hated who we had become. Right now, you are not that person anymore. Right now you are sober and the mother your kid deserves.
I’m sure deep down you know what drinking will do to you and your life. It might be fun once or twice. It might numb the pain for a bit. But this shit is progressive. It gets worse, never better. So please quit this “light and fluffy” bull shit😉
You only have 9 more 24 hour periods of sobriety left to still have a sober Chrismas with your kid. The most important of those is right now. Stay sober the next 24 hours. Gather your thoughts and think about what’s important to you.
Don’t feel alone…its very difficult to cope with a breakup. That’s really what’s bothering you. If you give in you’ll hate yourself for being so weak over a guy. Show him your stronger than that. Its a sign of codepency. Your sobriety is not only relevant because of him… Its relevant to you , your son and God. Find a way to fight back the loniness… Its only temporary. Don’t fucking drink… No matter what.
You’re not alone. I think you know that drinking wouldn’t be light and fluffy. I have these thoughts too but it’s an image that has no relationship with what it actually feels like once you’ve had the first drink and are panicking about the next. I’ve not got anywhere near as far as you yet - really admire anyone who does what you’ve done. Hope you and your little boy have a lovely Christmas.
The dark times will linger if you drink because you will be avoiding your emotions. If you let the emotions process now you will not let them build up. Heck, you might start to feel better by New Year’s. A new start and all that.
Congratulations on 6 months of sobriety by the way! That is amazing!
So what will drink do for the situation? Can you guarantee if you are drinking that you will be able to do your best to give your son a special Christmas?
It doesn’t make sense,but in your situation probably not much will be making sense. Time for a time out, make some space in your diary to work on yourself.
It’s good you are recognising this before drinking as that tells me inside you really want to stay sober and you know that you can.
Yes I’m on 6 months and honestly I am really proud of that! It’s not a case of me wanting a drink I just want to feel something other than what I’m feeling now.
I’ve been heartbroken obviously when I was drinking and I 100% know that it is not a fix it probably would make me feel worse after the first few when the guilt kicks in. That’s why I wrote this post… I check in daily read people’s stories but last night I was seriously down in a way I’ve not felt at any point during my sobriety and it really hit me what it means to be sober and genuinely have to work through problems without the help of my “oldest most loyal friend wine” hence the loneliness. I don’t have much family or many friends because I lost most of them due to how I used to behave with them after a drink. I also know if I break and fail there is only myself to blame and not him.
All your words have been amazing as alway and @Gabe.G you brought a tear to my eyes I’ve seen you support so many people on here it’s heart warming.
I will stay strong for my boy we will have the Christmas I’ve dreamed of for him. I do want to stay sober there is no doubt that, that is what I want and need I hated who I was. I’m going to take sometime out tonight having read this post and really remember why I detoxed because he wasn’t even on the list of reasons and that is what I really need to focus on to get me through this emptiness.
